A Time For Honesty
by LeeCan
Summary: Sarah has been reassigned but secretly comes back to Ellie's wedding to fulfill a promise. Hoping to leave a note as proof of her presence, she comes face to face with the one man she hoped to avoid. Chapter Eight deals with adult subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This will be two or maybe three chapters.

A Time For Honesty

I know I shouldn't be here. I know down to the marrow of my bones that I shouldn't be here. But I cannot make myself leave, just as I couldn't keep myself from coming. It appears from the happy expressions on the guest's faces that this is indeed a joyous occasion. But I just can't feel that emotion today. Not only because of the pain I feel in my chest but also from the pain I know that I've caused Chuck.

I shouldn't be here, I think to myself for the tenth time since I snuck into the upper balcony of the United Methodist Church.

_Why did I come here, I think to myself. _But then I see him. God, he looks so good to me. But he doesn't look happy. I see he's trying to look happy but I know him. I know him better than I know anyone in the world. And because of that, I know how he's feeling. And I know why.

He's standing right beside Devon. I see the difference immediately between real happiness and pretend happiness. As I look at Chuck's face, I suppress a sob from escaping my soul. There is a wonderful man. A man that was happy and well adjusted, even if he wasn't aggressively pursuing his dream. He was content. At least until I came along.

Why did I have to come to LA? Why couldn't I have been sent to some other assignment in some other city and never have laid eyes on a Chuck Bartowski.

Why did I accept that new assignment? Was I so afraid of what I began to feel for Chuck that I had to turn tail and run like some coward that couldn't even face up to the school bully?

Why did I let him kiss me that night? Or everything that followed? Why couldn't I have just treated that night like any other night? Why did I need to feel his lips on mine and his body pressing into mine?

The music starts and it pulls me from the whirlpool of my thoughts. I see Ellie walking down the isle. I have to smile despite my despondency. She looks so beautiful in her gown.

Then I do something that I've not done since I was a little girl. I imagine that I am walking down that isle and I am going to say my vows with my soon to be husband, Chuck.

In my emotional state it is easy for me to daydream. I see myself walking towards a smiling man who looks as happy as Devon had just a few minutes ago.

X=X

After the ceremony my new husband and I depart the church to a barrage of bubbles and cheers from our friends. I feel the bubbles snap against my skin and laugh at the exhilaration that this sensation adds to my excitement. We get into the limousine and drive away smiling and waving back to the crowd.

Lying against the leather interior of the limo, I look deeply into my husband's eyes, trying to find the foundation of his love. We kiss as he holds my face in his hands. Those soft hands that I want to feel caress my body for the rest of my life.

Our kiss ends and I immediately want to feel his lips again. I can actually feel my lips ache for his.

I smile at the adorable look of love on my husband's face, a look that tells me so completely without words how he feels about me. I just want to melt into this man, to immerse the fluid of myself into the pool of Chuck Bartowski and thereby so completely join together, mixing myself with the one person that has become necessary for me to continue.

X=X

I look up to see the groom kissing the bride and the ache moves from my lips to my heart. If not for the need to remain absolutely quite, I would have started crying. I can't believe I put myself through this torture.

That's when I see Casey. He's patrolling the back side of the church. I need to be careful or he will spot me. I reposition myself so that I can keep a closer eye on my former partner and stay out of sight.

As I watch Casey, I hear Ellie invite everyone to the reception just before she and her husband leave the church. I steel myself to stay true to my original plan. I promised Chuck that I would be at this wedding and I made good on that promise, even if he will never see me.

I see the crowd starting to depart the church. All I have to do is lie low for another ten minutes and then after everyone is gone, I will sneak away and get back to my assignment. But just when it looks like everything will go smoothly, I see Chuck talking with Casey in the back of the church. I see right away that it is not a personal conversation. It's work related.

I know it's a mistake following them out of the church, but I cannot stop myself. The thought of Chuck on a mission without me is disturbing. I don't know why I had not thought of that before. When I thought of Chuck it was always in the context of his personal life…never risking his life as the intersect.

I know when I return to my new assignment the knowledge of Chuck in the field will be difficult for me to deal with.

I wait until they leave the church but my suspicions are confirmed when I see Casey get in the Nerd Herder with Chuck. There was no way he would do that unless they were working.

I get into the rental and follow them being extra careful. If Casey's working he will be on high alert. I hang back farther than usual. It's risky but I figure if I loose them, I will still be able to find out where the reception is being held.

I follow the Nerd Herder to a community center and stop about a block away. _This will not be easy, I think. _It will take more than this black-hair wig to keep Casey from recognizing me. It's not Casey that I'm afraid of running into though, it's Chuck. With Casey it will be embarrassing to explain why I'm here but I can take that. If Chuck were to see me it would hurt him, keep him tore up that much longer.

Not to mention what it would do to me.

It takes me longer than expected but after about fifteen minutes, I make my way into the community center. Much to my relief, there is a kitchen and utility area designed to service the main hall without being obtrusive to the guests. It allows me a place where I can watch Chuck…just to make sure that he's safe, without being observed by any of the wedding guests.

I find Chuck in the crowd and look at him as though he was a tall glass of water and I had been days in the desert. I use that metaphor because I have a difficult time swallowing when I see him.

Chuck is seated next to a young woman who is much too attractive for my happiness. She seems to know him pretty well. She must be someone he's met since I left. I don't remember seeing any pictures of her during my time with him.

_During my time with him, I think_. I wish it had been my time with him but it wasn't. It was the CIA's time. Nothing brings that point home as much as the fact that I'm hiding behind this partition looking at him as though I was a stalker.

I watch Casey walk by and whisper something in Chuck's ear. He then goes to sit where friends of the family are seated. That's when I notice it. The young woman leans over and asks Chuck what Casey said. I didn't have to be able to hear her to know that that is what happened.

_She's CIA, I say to myself. _I feel a major pang of jealousy as I see her acting as though she was Chuck's friend. I had advised against sending in another female agent to protect Chuck. I told General Beckman that I thought another female agent would be too painful for Chuck to deal with. Just as I think that I see him look at her and smile. _So much for what I thought, I think. _

But just as I started to look around for Casey having been preoccupied with the pretty young agent sitting beside Chuck, I hear a familiar voice from just behind me. I close my eyes wishing I could just disappear.

"Agent Walker, I wondered when you would show."

I could hear the smirk in his voice without turning around to see it on his face.

"Casey, how are you doing?" There was no need in pretending that I had not been caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.

He sat down beside me. "I've been waiting on you as a matter of fact. I almost thought I had been wrong about you." He looked challengingly into my eyes.

I couldn't help it, I bit. "Wrong about what?" I said.

"Wrong about disappointing Chuck. What were you going to do? Leave a note or piece of clothing to let him know you were here?"

I hated the fact that Casey knew me better than I seemed to know myself. Without looking at him, I reached into the front pocket of my Levi's and pulled out a handwritten note. I had planned on dropping it off at Chuck's bedroom before leaving. I handed it to him wordlessly.

He read it without comment and then proceeded to tear it up.

"Casey, what are doing?" I said in an angry whisper.

"I'm not going to let you keep the kid in a constant state of turmoil. If you want him to know that you were here…tell him." Casey challenged me again with his eyes.

I backed down. "I can't do that."

"Walker, what in the hell is going on in that head of yours? You suddenly decide that you have to be reassigned. After having one of the best months we ever had as a team. We were at the height of our success when you decide to leave…Why?"

For the first time since he sat down beside me, I turned to really look him in the eye. "I made love to him." I said it as though it would explain everything. Much to my surprise he answered me with a one word question. One word that carried more meaning than I've ever been able to comprehend before.

"So?"

"You don't see how that changed everything?"

"We had the best month we ever had…what don't you understand about results?"

"Casey, I'm sure you guy's are doing just fine without me. I think-"

"Shutup Walker. You see that woman over there beside Chuck?"

I turned to look at her. She seemed to be having a great time with him. "Yeah," I said a little bitchy.

"She's the third partner I've had to break in since you left. He finds some reason to ask for another agent. The first woman just didn't anticipate Ellie's moods like you did and so she had to go. Then there was Liz Stone, I think you even know her. She just didn't fit in with the vibe of the team. And now there's Kate Tyler." Casey's voice trailed off as he turned to look at the agent in question.

"She seems to be doing OK," I say.

He looked at me with a disgusted expression. "He's already asked for her replacement. But that's not what I care about." He waited until I asked the question with my expression.

"I care about results. Since you left team Bartowski has been in a slump. Chuck is off his game. He doesn't flash as often and when he does he misinterprets what he sees." Casey waited until I looked at him again before he continued. "He misses you and that's affecting his job."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Casey seemed to be asking me to reconsider leaving. At least it seemed that way to me. It made my head spin.

"I'm sorry Casey. But I don't know what I can do about that now."

"Talk to him," he said.

"What? I can't do that. It would just prolong the amount of time he's in pain."

"Sarah," Casey said and waited for effect. "I don't think you understand what you mean to him. I don't think you grasp the fact that this time next month or next year will make no difference with him. He pinned after Jill for six years and from what I understand from Ellie that was nothing to how he's acting now."

From somewhere within me I feel the thrill of knowing that I've not lost him. But then the sickening feeling of realizing that to have him would mean I would have to allow him to have me. To have access to who I am. To what I am.

I can't deal with that fear.

"Casey, I can't do what you want me to do. I can't be who he wants me to be. Don't you see?"

"Walker, he doesn't want you to be anything more than what you are. Just talk with him."

I start shaking my head. The longer I shake it the more pronounced it becomes. "I can't. I wish I could but I can't. Don't you understand," I say and realize that I need to keep my voice down. I look around and don't see Chuck. But that's not surprising since almost everyone is out of their seats now.

I stand to go. "This was a mistake. I should have never come here," I say.

"Walker, the only mistake you made was when you asked Beckman to reassign you. Think about that," John said.

I see by his expression that he allowed for no hope that I would. "John, take care of him. I don't want anything to happen to him." I say and turn around to find myself staring into the eyes of one Charles Bartowski.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hope you like this. Mostly dialogue between our two favorite people. One chapter left.

A Time For Honesty

Chapter Two

I can't speak. It's not that I can't get my mouth to form the words. It's that my mind can't conceive of anything to say to make this situation bearable. The look in Chuck's eyes is somewhere between hope and despair.

What I want to do and what I have to do is diametrically opposed to each other. The wanting is rooted in what I would like if I could magically change everything that was wrong between us. But the having is rooted in something much more powerful, fear. Fear of having something I hold dear and precious, like a sweet memory, turn to ash before my eyes.

Ash is appropriate because that is what Chuck's love for me will turn into if he gets to know the real Sarah Walker. And as I look at him looking at me, I keep the thought of ashes in my mind to keep me strong.

"Sarah, what are you doing here?"

In the silence that fills that space before I can form a response, Casey steps into the conversation. "You guy's should talk. Why don't you go back to the kitchen? There's more privacy there," he said sincerely looking at me with a knowing look, and pushing Chuck and myself towards the kitchen with a hand to our backs. It's hard for me to see Casey as the interagency matchmaker so it adds credence to his earlier statement. He must really want the team to be successful.

I take a deep breath as I look at Chuck. _This cannot end well, I think._ Chuck and I walk to the back but we're still out in the open. For now we're all alone but people are moving all around us.

He turns around and looks deeply into my eyes. I take a deep breath and the thought runs through my head that I should have stayed in Brussels.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

I can only nod my head.

His expression brightens. "I thought I might see you today."

He captured my curiosity. "And why is that?"

"Because of your promise," he said sincerely.

I look away having no words to speak. His words are too intimate for me to respond to, reminding me of the circumstances that promise was made in.

"I've missed you," he said stepping toward me.

I can't have him hold me in his arms. It would undo me. So I step away from him. I see that my actions hurt him. I wish there was some other way but there isn't. I do what I must.

He stops his approach and I see his countenance change.

"Why?"

It is all he said. But it was his eyes that destroyed me, just then one of the workers walked by causing me to look for more privacy, and giving me the break I need from those eyes. I walked to an office door.

"They keep it locked," he said.

Without thinking, I pull out my lock pick kit, find the correct pins for this lock and have the door open in a matter of seconds. I walk inside and wait for him to follow.

He comes in giving me that look.

"What?" I ask.

"Sarah, you can't just pick any lock just because you can. This is against the law."

"Do you really want everyone to hear our conversation? I wait for him to answer. Seeing he isn't going to, I answer for him. "Neither do I."

I see anger flash in Chuck's eyes. I know that is when it gets honest. When Chuck stops worrying about my feelings and speaks his mind. I know this is when I see what Chuck really thinks, how he really feels. Normally, I like this time of honesty. But his first question to me has me reeling.

"Sarah, what are you afraid of?"

"I don't understand what you mean?" I know what he means.

He steps towards me. "Do you love me?"

"You can't ask me that," I say, my voice a little too loud. I am officially annoyed.

"Why not?"

"Because you're an asset and I'm your…"

"That doesn't play as well now, does it?"

It's obvious he sees more humor in the situation…I don't.

He takes another step towards me and I have nowhere to backtrack to. _Why didn't I think of that when I closed the door, I think. _

"Do you love me?" His voice is more forceful. His expression more demanding.

I suddenly feel trapped by the closed door and by his open question. I don't have anywhere left to turn…to hide.

Having nowhere to retreat to, I do what comes natural to me. "What if I told you I did?" I look hard into his eyes, my voice loud. "What would it change? I'm half way around the world in a long term assignment. Would it really make things better for us if we admitted we were in love with each other?" I held up two fingers on each hand when I said the word 'admitted'. I say the word love as though it were a disease.

He looked at me with that expression that never fails to push my buttons. And just as he intended, it angered me even more than I already was.

"You know what kind of relationship we would have if we tried to make a go of it? We probably wouldn't have six months together out of the next twenty years. Is that the kind of life you want?"

"Yes!" He yelled back at me. "Yes, if that's all I have with you then I'll take it. It's better than nothing."

"Is it? Is it really, Chuck? If I walk out of here now…out of your life completely. Then you're free to forge another life for yourself. One that can make you happy." He looks at me as though something I just said struck a chord with him. But he didn't comment further.

"So you left me for my own good? Don't do me any favors, Sarah." His body language tells me how exasperated he is with me.

"Why are you making this so hard?" I say.

Instead of answering my question he pulls out his phone and hits a single button.

I'm dying to know who he just called but I'm too proud to ask. So I stand there waiting.

"Hello, General Beckman. This is Chuck. I have a request. I would like to have Sarah Walker reassigned back to LA."

I watch him in complete astonishment as he quietly listens to my former boss. I realize after a moment that I need to take a breath.

"I understand. Just do what you can. I appreciate it."

"Since when did you get access to General Beckman?" I ask a little impressed that Chuck's status has improved since I left. It actually distracted me from letting him know just how mad I am at him for calling Beckman.

He shrugged as though it was completely unimportant. "A few weeks ago."

He looks back at me with the old fire in his eye. "You ask me why I'm making this so hard? I'll tell you why. Because the alternative…I just can't live with."

"Don't say that," I say afraid of what he's telling me.

"Relax, I'm not suicidal. I'm just saying that I'm not willing to live without you," he said.

I look at him closely. I sense more of a change in him than I first realized. He seems more…I can't put my finger on it. But I like it. And so even though I'm uncomfortable in this situation, I put that behind me so I can observe this man I know so well. Just as I'm lost in this thought, he surprises me again.

"You wanna go grab a sandwich or a cup of coffee somewhere?"

I can't believe how easily he asks me on a date after I've abandoned him but that's part of the change I'm sensing.

"What about the reception?" I ask him. "You can't just leave now."

He moves to stand close to me and puts his hand on my back, touching me for the first time, gently urging me to the door. For some reason it gives me a sense of déjà vu. There's something disturbing about it even as I find it exhilarating. I won't be able to rest until I figure out what it is that's bothering me.

He stops to make sure the office door is locked behind us and I smile inwardly at his good intentions. We make our way to the front of the building where Casey meets us at the front door. He walks up to Chuck and whispers something in his ear.

_He would have never done that before. He would have addressed me, I think. _

"Where are you going?" Casey asks in a normal voice.

"Out. We won't be gone long. Tell Ellie that I'll be right back as soon as I can," Chuck said, his voice low.

Casey nods and starts back towards the festivities. He takes about four steps and abruptly turns back to me.

"Oh, Walker…keep an open mind. I don't know what you got rattling around in that head of yours, but we had a good thing going here."

I can only smile weakly at him.

Chuck and I walk outside into the beautiful afternoon. We walk down the concrete steps and when we get to the bottom I hear a woman's voice.

"Stop. Chuck, what's going on?" she said with her hand in her purse.

I recognize his latest partner. She no doubt has her hand on her gun.

Chuck turned and regarded her with a tired expression. I hate to say it but I loved the fact that he is tired of this very attractive woman. But I mentally shake this line of thinking.. I need to stay focused.

"Kate, this is Sarah Walker… I'll be back shortly."

"Sarah Walker," she repeats as she steps towards me with a smile on her face. She stops in front and extends her hand. "Kate Tyler," she said.

I shake her hand. But I don't like her attitude or her expression. She's condescending.

"Kate, we've got to go," Chuck says.

"I know, I know. I just wanted to get a good look," she said and turned around and began to walk away.

"Excuse me…am I missing something?" I look from Chuck to Kate for clarification.

Turning back to look at me, she stares just a little too long. "Isn't it obvious? You're clearly missing something," she said.

"Kate, we have to go," Chuck said more demanding.

"I don't care, Chuck. After everything you two shared…and then for her to leave you and the way she left you…"

I see she cares for Chuck. But then it hits me. I turn to Chuck with fire flashing in my eyes. "You told her about us?" I say my voice shaking.

"No, Casey did. But I've had to talk about it since then," Chuck said watching Kate walk away.

Still mad, I would have gone after her but Chuck grabbed me by the arm and roughly pulled me around more agressive than I would have thought possible from him.

He led me to the passenger side of a black Mustang convertible and opened the door.

"What happened to the Nerd Herder?" I asked.

Now standing from the driver's side of the Mustang, he looked at me as though he just remembered to tell me something important.

"I changed jobs."

"What! You left the Buy More?"

He smiled at me. "You only have yourself to blame."

"I don't understand?"

"Get in," he said as he slid behind the steering wheel.

I did as requested and waited for him to continue as I admired the black interior of his new car. It looked good on him.

He was quiet for a second and then began to speak. "Casey told me the truth about the degree."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.

"Imagine my surprise when he told me he didn't know what I was talking about when I tried to thank him for helping to get the degree for me."

I didn't want Chuck to find out about this.

"So when I go to Beckman, I find out that it was you and you alone that went to bat for me. Beckman said you even went over her head when she initially disagreed."

He gave me that look. That look that said how much he appreciated what I've done for him. I don't have anything to say that wouldn't turn sappy so I continue to keep quiet.

"So anyway," he said when he saw I wasn't going to respond. " I used my degree to get a real job."

"Where?"

"A company called Blizzard. It's in Irving. It's only entry level but I still earn more than double what I did at the Buy More."

He drove the car agressively and I liked it.

I was actually enjoying myself on the ride to the coffee shop. Chuck had the top down and I loved the feeling of the wind blowing in my hair. I had pulled off the black wig so my real hair could blow in the wind.

About a block before the coffee shop that Chuck and I had frequented often, Chuck's phone rings. He answers it and listens without speaking. Hanging up the phone, he stares straight ahead before turning to look at me.

"That was Beckman. She has managed to get you an additional two night's vacation. I expect you will stay with me," he said matter of factly.

I swallowed hard.

"Did I mention that I have my own place."

.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I apologize for the lengthy chapter but I could not find a suitable cutoff point to make two chapters out of this. After reading the chapter make sure to read the Diabolical Authors Note at the end.

A Time For Honesty

Chapter Three

Chuck pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop and opened the door for me. I have never had a guy do that for me other than Chuck but I find it interesting how easily I come to expect it.

We walk into the shop and sit down at the same booth we always use to sit in. It seems as though I have never been gone.

The waitress takes our order and I am left alone with Chuck staring at me with a speculative expression on his face.

"Sarah, let me ask you something. How are you are?"

I look at him. "Good," I say.

He cocks his head as he regards me. He looks at me like this for a second before he begins to speak. "You're good. Is there anything else you would like to add?"

I look at him knowing he's making a joke. But I don't respond.

"How about on a scale of one to ten…how good are you?"

I get his point but I'm not in the mood for jokes. I look at him as seriously as I can. "I'm hanging in there," I say and hold his gaze.

We stare at each other like this until I get uncomfortable with the lack of words. I look around at the twenty-something crowd that takes advantage of the wireless connections in these stores, almost everyone ignoring everyone else intent on their computer screens.

I'm lost in thought as I look at different people in the store. If not for a twist of fate maybe Chuck and I could be like that couple over in the corner. Maybe I could have gone to college and became a school teacher. Chuck would be the engineer that he is and we would meet maybe at the Buy More looking for a new phone or MP3 player. Of course it would be love at first sight and here we would be. But that is not our life.

I look at his face. He's never stopped looking at me. I can't think of any two people who are so different from that couple I just dreamed up.

When the waitress comes back with our drinks, I notice that she checks Chuck out, and not too subtly, I realize getting a bit hot under the collar. But as I look around the shop I see a couple more women in the store steal a glance at my…I realize I don't even know what to call him. Ex boyfriend doesn't work because we never really were together. Ex partner doesn't work because an asset and handler technically aren't partners. Friend doesn't even come close to describe our relationship. I just don't know what to call him.

But all that is beside the point. I take a second to scrutinize the guy on the other side of the table. He's cut his hair, he's wearing clothes that fit better and are a little more expensive. But now that I look at him, I notice it's none of these things that make him seem different. But when I try to put my finger on what it is, I can't. It leads me to ask him a question.

"Chuck, there's something different about you. But I can't decide what it is," I say catching another girl glance at him.

He finishes his sip of coffee before he answers. "I've rebooted myself."

"What?" I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.

"Rebooted, you know like reinvent. After you left, I took stock of my life and I didn't like what I saw. I decided to make some changes."

"What kind of changes?"

"No, no. that's for me to know and you to find out." He smiled at me and I swear it was someone else smiling at me. I've seen that smile before but not on Chuck. That's when it hit me that he reminds me of someone. I just couldn't recall who it was.

We talked through another cup of coffee and when we were finished, Chuck waved the waitress down. "We need to get back to the wedding," he said to me. I marveled as he flirted with the pretty girl who waited on us. I caught her looking at me as she tried to figure out the nature of our relationship_. If she figures that one out I hope she tells me, I thought. _

Fifteen minutes later found us walking up the steps of the civic center where the wedding reception was being held. As Chuck guided me through the door he gently grabbed my arm and pulled me to a halt.

"Sarah, can you wait here? I need to let Ellie know you're here. She may have to have a moment to get used to the idea."

When it sunk in what Chuck was telling me I took an unconscious step towards the door. "Chuck, I don't want to cause any trouble," I say.

"There's not gonna be any trouble. Let me talk to Ellie and then we'll dance."

Chuck turned to find his sister without waiting to hear if I still objected. That's when I realized what it was so different about him. Confidence…he oozes it.

I went back behind the partition where I originally viewed the proceedings and watched as Chuck walked up to his sister. He whispers in her ear. I watch as she stiffens up. She says something back to him, and then something else.

Chuck then grabs her by the elbow and says something to her as he pulls her arm to him. I can see the shock on her face. I can see her immediately back down. Chuck turns immediately and walks towards me. But he turns around when Ellie says something else. I watch as he nods his head before coming to get me.

As he walks up to me he smiles. "Care to dance?" he asks.

I smile in answer. "Are you sure Ellie's OK with my being here?"

"Yeah, but she wants to talk with us tomorrow," he said.

"What about the honeymoon?"

They leave week after next." He looked at me and continued. "Doctor's schedules," he said as though that explained everything.

We make it to the dance floor and dance to "The Time Of My Life" and then a couple of songs I didn't know. I didn't care what songs we danced to. I had a great time dancing with Chuck. It reminded me of a time long ago when we where just starting out. He was such a different person then. I look into his face. He is clearly happy to be dancing with me. But I notice a number of people who don't look so happy that I'm here. Ellie is definitely not happy. Kate, Chuck's partner is not happy. Morgan doesn't look happy that Chuck and I are dancing. Then I see the only person in this building that is happy I'm here.

Casey. He was smiling from ear to ear.

We stay for another couple of hours dancing to almost every song. Chuck boycotted Air Supply saying it was the only respectable thing for a man to do. But other than that we had a ball. I forgot how great his shoulders felt.

Before we left, Chuck made the rounds with me on his arm. Kate ignored me completely. Morgan and Ana said goodbye without actually looking at me. Then we went up to Ellie and Devon. Chuck gave Devon a hug and then grabbed his sister by the shoulders. "I'm so happy for you Sis." He hugged her tightly. Devon shook my hand and then I found myself staring at the penetrating gaze of one Ellie Woodcomb.

"Sarah, I look forward to seeing you and Chuck tomorrow," she said rather coldly.

"Ellie," Chuck said reproachfully.

"Chuck, this is my day."

"I know it is Sis, but I don't want you to do or say something you might regret later."

Ellie took a deep breath and then look at me seriously. "I hope I have a reason to feel sorry about how I've thought about you for the last three months," she said. We continued to stare at each other. I don't have a clue how to respond.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ellie," I finally said as I urged Chuck toward the front of the building.

I can deal with my share of drama, but I have to admit that Ellie is intimidating. I know it's because she may be the one person on this earth that cares about Chuck as much as I do. She doesn't know it but we are on the same side.

Walking outside I feel the slight chill in the air and fold my arms. Chuck notices and gives me his jacket. I get into the Mustang and we start to drive.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"My apartment, he says noncommittally.

"Uh, Chuck, about that. I don't know what you expect but I'm going to need a second bedroom," I say and watch him start to smile.

"That's the problem, Sarah. I've only got one bedroom."

I see he's enjoying himself.

"That's OK. You got a couch don't you?"

He stopped smiling. "Yeah, I've gotta a couch. I'll take it tonight," he said.

That's the same old Chuck I use to know. He may have rebooted himself or what ever the hell he called it but there is still the same basic Chuck sitting beside me. I don't say anything but there's no way I'm letting him take the couch in his own apartment.

It took about thirty minutes to get there. His apartment was similar to Ellie and Devon's but only smaller. He led me through the front door and threw his keys in a bowl on the kitchen bar top.

"The bathroom is down the hall first door on the right. There's beer and coke in the fridge," he said as he went into his bedroom. I watched him unbutton and remove his shirt before he moved out of sight.

"You want to take a shower, go right ahead?" he said from inside his bedroom.

"I didn't bring a change of clothes," I yelled back at him.

"Go ahead. I'm pretty sure I still have some things from when you were still here."

I couldn't tell from his voice if there was any meaning underneath the words but I was too tired and sweaty to worry about that now. I suspected that tonight Chuck and I would have time to straighten some things out.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. When the water got hot I stripped down and got in. I'm not under the water for more than two minutes, when I hear a knock on the door. It opens just far enough for Chuck to tell me that he has some pajamas for me.

"Just set them on the chair in the corner," I say. I can't actually see him from the shower but I know that he had stepped into the bathroom to hand me my clothes.

"There you go," he says.

"Thanks," I say as I hear him close the door. The shower feels great and I stay until most of the hot water is gone. After drying off, I put the pajamas on but wonder if he picked these pajamas on purpose or was it a coincidence.

Putting those thoughts behind me I put on the pajamas and step into the kitchen.

"Leave me any hot water?" he asks from the kitchen bar.

I smile sheepishly. "Not much I'm afraid. I'm sorry. I was pretty grimy."

"Not a problem. I'll take a quick one," he said getting up to go into the bathroom. "Help yourself to anything you want," he said and closed the door.

I hear the shower come on and I get up to look into the fridge. I'm surprised to actually find some food inside. I get some cottage cheese and apple sauce, mix them together on a plate and eat this with a beer.

The shower is only on for about a minute. I laugh to myself thinking about the cold shower that he takes might be entirely appropriate for tonight. I doubt if he would see that as funny.

I'm almost finished with my food when he comes around the corner wearing only pajama bottoms. The sight of him with water glistening off his bare chest raises my heartrate and I know that my pupils dilate. I have to gain control of my body. I will my heartrate to slow and make my pupils go back to normal. But even after doing all this, I still enjoy the sight of Chuck as he looks through the fridge for something to eat.

He finds an apple and sits across from me while peeling it with a knife. When he's finished he looks up at me. "You OK? Did you get enough to eat?"

I smile and nod my head. "Chuck, I love the apartment. You know what I like the best?"

He gives me a delicious smile. "What?"

"There's not one Star Wars poster in it," I say grinning from ear to ear.

He continues to smile. "Yeah, I guess it was time. But it was still hard. You should see Morgan when he comes to visit. He gets downright depressed."

I chuckle at that.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask.

"You want to watch a movie?" he says as though we've been together every night for the past three months.

My face must show the shock I feel.

"What?" he says.

"You want to watch a movie, I repeat incredulously. "I leave you for three months without saying goodbye and you have nothing to ask me?"

"I didn't say that. I have two questions I really want to ask you and two more I'd like to know the answers too."

"OK," I say waiting to hear his questions.

He sighs and dips his head in exasperation. "Come with me," he says grabbing my hand and leading me to the couch.

I sit down on the far end with both legs pulled up underneath me facing him. He has his right leg up on the couch and his right arm is resting comfortably on the back of the couch.

He regards me silently as though he can find the answers to his questions in the pores of my skin.

"Sarah, I've already asked my questions and you're either unable or unwilling to answer them."

For some reason I want to give him something. I know he deserves that. "Chuck, what ever issues we have…they are all my issues. I want you to know that. But that doesn't make them any less real." I say and hope he understands.

"OK, I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I'll bite. Are you in love with me?"

"I knew that would be his first question and I'm ready for it. "Chuck, I know you know how I feel about you. But there are legitimate reasons we can't be together."

"I didn't ask whether we could be together. I asked if you loved me."

I have no one but myself to blame. I'm the one who insisted that we have this talk. _But what can it hurt, I think_. I've already told him we can't be together. Hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, I take a deep breath and answer his question.

"I don't know," I say and see his hopeful expression fall. "I don't know if what I feel for you is love or something else."

He looks back to me catching my eyes in his.

"If thinking about someone every minute of the day, wanting their happiness more than your own, and dreaming every night that we can be together is love…? Then the answer is yes. I am in love with you."

His expression softened and he began to come towards me.

"No, don't," I said. I couldn't stand to have him hold me right now…the way I feel. So I have to keep him away. "What's your other question?" I ask to keep him preoccupied. I see his mind working trying to take it all in.

"Look, I've known you're in love with me. I just wanted to hear you say it. But my next question is given how you feel, why would you leave? Why can't we be together?"

I think about my answer and realize I can't say anything without giving him too much information. "I'm sorry Chuck. I can't answer that one."

He wasn't discouraged. I don't think he expected me to answer because he had a follow up question.

"Does the reason you can't or won't answer me have anything to do with your job?"

"I didn't see any reason not to answer this one. "Yes, but only indirectly, next question."

I was surprised about his readiness to move on and that's when my ten years of experience kicked in. _You are underestimating him, I thought. _Just then he switched gears and asked me another question which concerned me even more_. If he is able to read me that well, I may have told him too much already._

"Your current mission…are you in any danger?"

"Chuck, I'm a covert operative. The job is always dangerous."

"I know, but relatively speaking."

Again, I don't see any harm but I stay cautious. "Relatively speaking, it's a piece of cake." I watch him relax.

"You know Sarah, I may know a little bit more about what you do than you give me credit for," he said.

I realize what an odd statement that is. I examine it closely not sure what he's trying to tell me. I drop it. I wait for his next question. I know he has more. He has too. But I continue to wait. Finally, he surprises me with the next question.

"You want to watch TV?"

I look at him perplexed. "You have nothing more to ask me?"

"No, I'm good," he said but a slow smile develops nonetheless. "You see the irony in that?" he asks.

"On a scale of one to ten," I say giving him my best bitchy smile. We share an honest moment of fun.

He turns on the TV and we watch a two hour special that I can't even tell you what it was about. When it goes off, he turns to me again.

"Last chance to sleep in my bed," he said.

"I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch," I say seriously.

"Who said anything about me sleeping on the couch," he said smiling.

"I'll be fine here," I say.

"Suit yourself," he said as he got up to get me a blanket and a pillow.

X=X

I look at the clock on the TV and see that I've been lying here awake for the last two hours. I rise up to see if the light in Chuck's room is still shining from the crack underneath his door. I get up and silently make my way to his bedroom door. I push it open just enough to peer inside and see him reading a book.

"Can't sleep?" he says without looking up.

I open the door and walk in. "No, I'm wired," I say as I sit on his bed.

He pulls the covers back. "Come on, I promise you'll be safe," he says.

As I crawl under, I give him a wry smile. "It's not my safety I'm worried about."

I lie down facing away from him. Neither one of us saying a word. I don't know if it was the vivid memory of the last time Chuck and I were in bed together or the pajamas I'm wearing but I suddenly find myself feeling very emotional.

"Chuck."

"Yes."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course.

"I've been gone for only three months but I see a difference in you…my leaving isn't the reason you rebooted yourself is it?"

"It's the only reason."

"But why?"

He lays his book down. "Isn't it obvious Sarah? You left. Clearly, I wasn't enough of what you wanted or needed to keep you here."

I turn to look at him. "My leaving had nothing to do with you. The reason I left is my issue not yours."

"Sarah, don't give me that. I've had a lot of time to think about this. Three months to be precise. I've thought it through from every angle."

"Chuck, I'm telling you this isn't your fault."

"I didn't say it was my fault. But lets say that Bryce never sent me the intersect. Instead he sent it to himself. So everything here is the same but instead of me being here it was Bryce."

A cold sweat overtakes me as I see where Chuck's logic is taking me and I'm powerless to stop it.

"Answer this question, Sarah. If it had been you and Bryce who made love three months ago for the first time instead of you and I…would you have left him?"

I didn't want to answer that question. But Chuck was insistent,

"Sarah, answer the question."

"No," I said defeated. "But you don't understand-"

"Now you know why I rebooted myself."

And that's when it hit me. Chuck had used Bryce as his model to reboot himself. I saw clearly the confidant swagger he had was just like Bryce's. That's when it all click into place. Chuck was imitating Bryce Larkin.

"Chuck, there is no earthly reason for you to want to be like Bryce Larkin," I said.

"I don't want to be like Bryce. I'm just using what works."

"There's no point in you doing this," I say.

"Oh really, since I've rebooted, I've got a new job, a new car, a new apartment. I've went on six dates with six different girls. Real dates I might add. And I've turned down the sexual advances of every one of my new partners."

He saw my angry expression. "Yes, that includes Kate," he said as his look challenged me to argue with his results.

Wanting to change the subject, I went back to the subject of Bryce. "Why would you choose to emulate Bryce? Everyone you love hates him."

"Not everyone I love."

"Chuck, you're right. I don't hate Bryce. But I don't love him like I do-"

"Don't say it Sarah. It doesn't add up. You've already said that if it were Bryce you slept with for the first time three months ago you would not have left."

He had the argument all boxed up and even put a bow on it. It didn't matter that he was dead wrong. I could tell him I loved him every day for the rest of my life and he would remember that I would not have left Bryce like I left him. I lay back on my side hoping that he would lay his hand on my waist. Something to tell me that everything would be alright. But he didn't. After about five minutes of silence, I could not let it go unsaid. He might not believe me but at least I said my piece.

"Chuck, I'm in love with you…not Bryce. And because of that, I've acted the way I have. I will say no more about it."

I waited for him to respond but nothing. Just when I thought that I had lost him forever, I felt a hand rest gently upon my waist. I finally fell asleep with a smile on my face.

X=X

I wake up to the sound of the shower and a man's voice singing. It makes me smile. Getting out of bed, I stretch, my pajamas rising above my waist showing my abdomen. I begin to walk around his bedroom as I notice key differences in the way he has decorated everything. Just then, the shower turns off as I spot his wallet on his dresser. Feeling a deep sense of dread as I walk towards it, I pick it up and examine it closely. Finally, when there is no doubt in my mind what I'm looking at, I scream.

"No," I say holding the object in my hands.

He bursts through the door wearing only his towel. "Sarah, are you alright?"

I hold up the wallet. "When?" I wait for an answer.

"Two months ago."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" I ask.

"Yeah, I joined the CIA."

"But why?"

"So we could be together."

"You think that by joining the CIA somehow that will allow us to be together?"

"Won't it?"

"No," I say my voice full of despair. The reason you and I cannot be together has nothing to do with you or Bryce belonging to the CIA."

"But you and Bryce were together for two years. The only difference between me and Bryce is that he worked for the CIA."

I spoke before I thought. "No, Chuck. That is not the only difference between you and Bryce."

Chuck became quiet as he took a step towards me, his razor sharp mind is clearly working. If I had not known him, I would have thought he meant to hurt me. Not that he could. At least physically.

He walked up to me and I saw by his expression that he was still thinking about what I had said. But he took the wallet from me and then looked into my eyes.

"You want to see my ID?" he said pulling it out of the standard CIA issue wallet.

I took it from him and studied it closely. He looked very handsome. I purse my lips together as I study it.

"Are you sure this changes nothing?" he said.

I lay my hands on his bare chest. "I wish with all my heart that it did." I put my face in his chest and cried not able to say more. When I raised my head my lips were close to his and he reached down trying to capture mine with his. I backed away quickly.

"I wish we could be together but we can't. Please try to understand."

And just like nothing had happened he looked at me and asked me what I wanted for breakfast. But I knew him. I knew that this conversation was not over. Not by a long shot.

X=X

I walk into Ellie's apartment laughing. It seems as though I never laugh unless I'm with Chuck. But one look at Ellie wipes the smile off my face.

"Come in," she said. "Make yourself at home." Just having her say it made me feel distinctly unwelcome. I had not planned to do this but seeing Ellie's demeanor caused me to act spontaneously.

"Chuck, would mind going to the store and getting me a V8?" I ask him.

"Why don't I just wait out in the car," he said in response.

Ellie and looked at each other. "OK," we said in unison. We watch Chuck leave and then she turns to me.

"You want some coffee?" she asks.

"Yes, thank you."

"Have a seat. I'll be right there."

I sat down and in a minute took the cup of coffee that she offered. I waited until she was seated across from me before taking my first sip.

"Ellie, I'm going to tell you something I would prefer we keep to ourselves. But I am going to leave that decision to your discretion"

Ellie waited on me to continue.

I leaned towards her. "Here's the thing. I'm so in love with your brother I can't think straight. He's all I think about when I'm not working."

Ellie began to smile, then stopped abruptly. "You have a funny way of showing it."

"He and I are so different and I know that if we tried to make a go of it…we would fail. I just can't live with the thought of Chuck growing to hate me. And I know in time he would."

Ellie's voice softened dramatically. "Sarah, there are never any guarantees but you have to try especially if you love each other."

"In my case the guarantee is that we would fail." I say.

Ellie looked at me trying to understand. She was at a loss for words.

"Ellie, I've told you this so you can help him when I leave." I locked eyes with her. "Because I won't be back again." I said trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.

Sarah, do you know what you're saying?"

"This is too hard on him to go through again. It's too hard on me knowing It will never be. I have to end it so he can go on with his life."

"Does he know?"

"I'm telling him tonight."

"Sarah, I know my brother. He's the most kind-hearted man I know. He's descent and caring and I know he loves you with all of his heart. If you give him a chance, tell him what's bothering you. Share with him your fears; I know you can work through whatever is standing between you now."

"Ellie, It's exactly because he's such a great guy that it couldn't work out between us."

"What are you saying?"

Just then Chuck came through the door. "OK, your five minutes are up," he said sitting down beside me. "What are going to talk about?"

Ellie and I exchange knowing glances. "We're good," I said.

Chuck looked from Ellie to me. "Well if you don't have anything more to say then I'm going to say what I have to say." He stood up and centered himself between the two of us. "I've been out in the car thinking and I've come to a decision. I don't take this decision lightly because I fully understand what it may mean, what impact it may have on my life. But nevertheless…" He took a deep breath, turned to Ellie and began to speak. "Ellie, Sarah and I are in love. But for whatever reason that I don't understand, we can't be together. That's why Sarah left. I don't know what her reasons are, but I know Sarah and I trust her. If she says there are reasons we can't be together then there are reasons we can't be together…physically."

I know immediately that he's getting ready to drop the bomb.

"But there is no reason that I can't pledge myself to her and wait for her to trust me enough to work this out."

I felt like I was drowning. But before I could stand and object he turned to me.

"Sarah Walker, I pledge to you that I will entertain no other woman and that I will wait upon your return whether that be in three months, three years or three decades."

I still don't remember leaving Ellie's apartment.

X=X

Later that night, back in Chuck's apartment. I tried to talk Chuck out of the commitment he made to me but If I am honest with myself, I am thrilled that I did not.

With this being our last night together, as far as I knew, It made no sense for me to sleep on the couch.

So here I lie once again in Chuck's bed, my pajamas on the floor and once again I am preparing to leave him. I've watch ever minute click over on his digital clock for the last fifty three minutes.

How can I leave and commit him to a loveless life? How can I stay and see the love I see in his eyes slowly disappear until all that's left is cold, dark indifference. Still, his tactic almost worked. At 2:37am. I was very close to coming back after my current assignment ends. But then I saw those loveless eyes looking at me in my imagination. That is something I could not bare to see in real life. That scares me more than anything else in life.

X=X

Everything about this day can be described by the work subdued. My mood was subdued as was Chuck's. The taste of the coffee this morning was subdued. Even the morning sun stayed subdued, hidden behind the clouds. Certainly the drive into the airport was subdued.

Just prior to getting into his car, he made one last effort to change my mind. He pushed hard. He pushed too hard and had to stop when I began to cry.

So now it appears that we are both consigned to our fate. I'm going back to Brussels. And my easy assignment and I will never see him again. I can only hang on to the fact that as time goes by and my memory fades, he will find someone to love. Then maybe he will find happiness.

We both checked in with airport security and registered our presence on the airport facility. His CIA credential allowed him to access any location.

We sat in the waiting area listening for my flight to be called in silence. We both stole glances at each other secretly. This uncomfortable situation lasted for twenty five minutes until finally, my flight was called. I started to join the people forming the line to board the plane when he called my name.

"Sarah," he said.

I turned to look at him and saw him spread his arms. I knew it was a mistake but I couldn't help it, I ran straight for his arms. We held each other tight. Until he whispered in my ear.

"Come back to me Sarah."

I pulled away, my eyes never leaving his. All the time I'm shaking my head back and forth.

"Come back to me, Sarah," he said more forcefully.

I could do nothing but turn around and join the line of passengers without looking at him.

I heard him one last time as he yelled, "Come back to me, Sarah," just before I boarded the plane. I could hear the mournful sound of his voice echoing in my mind as I sat down in my seat somewhere in the middle of the plane.

I had sat in my seat for about five minutes with the window shield closed afraid that I might see him again. But my curiosity got the better of me. I opened the shield and looked outside. At first I did not see him but then suddenly there he was, out on the tarmac about as close as he could be to the plane but still very far away.

I don't know why, maybe it was looking at him from such a distance. I don't know but somehow as I looked at him, I had the clarity of thought I never had before. I looked at our situation from his eyes. I thought about what he felt. It was eye opening for me. I had been focused on my own fears so much so that I never stopped to think about what I was really doing to him. First the first time I saw it. Saw what I was doing to the one man in the world that I wanted to protect and I was killing him.

It made me want to get up out of my seat and run not walk back to him and hope he would have me.

And just when I was going to do that the plane began to taxi to the runway. I realized instantly that Chuck and I were not meant to be. I sat back down in my seat dejected and hurt.

It was difficult to do because when I thought about looking back to where I had last seen Chuck, I thought that he would be gone. But as I looked, I saw his forlorn stance still watching the plane. But then another person came into view and I recognized her as Kate, his partner. I watched her put her hand on his shoulder, comforting him.

_That's my shoulder, I thought irrationally. _

Without hesitation I unbuckled my seatbelt and began to yell.

"Stop the plane, I need to get off. Stop the plane," I kept repeating. About halfway to the front of the plane it lurched to a sudden stop and I was met by two flight attendants hell bent on keeping me from getting to my destination.

"Open the door," I shouted to anyone who would listen as I began to muscle my way past the smaller women. It took me a while but I finally fought my way to the entrance amid people shouting at me, the flight attendants trying to physically stop me and a few people shouting encouragement at me.

Everywhere I put my hand there were at least two hands prying me away from my target. It wasn't easy but I manage to open the door of the plane just wide enough to stick my head out.

"Sarah, what's going on?" Chuck said as he watched me from directly below the doorway of the plane. Just then I felt the much stronger grasp of the co-pilot join the struggle. But even with the co-pilot involved, I was still able to reach my cover business card from the Brussels assignment. I threw it down to Chuck and watched him catch it. Just before they managed to pull me out of the doorway and close the door, I yelled to Chuck, "Call me."

____________________________________________________________________

**Diabolical A/N: **

You are all my victims. Bwahaha.

That's right; you are victims of my latest scheme. You know about kidnapping? Well I've come up with an even more diabolical plan to take over the world through fan fiction. No wait, that's my diabolical plan for next week.

This plan is even more sinister. It involves coercion, manipulation, duress, and even…wait for it, implied pressure. When I'm through with you…OK, enough of the setup already.

You've heard of kidnapping, right? Well I've created a whole new crime. I call it fablescrapping.

**You people** are the first victims of fablescrapping.

What is fablescrapping you ask? It is the medicated premeditated withholding of an additional chapter unless I get what I want. Bwahaha.

Why medicated? Because all of this seems a lot more cleverer if you're liquored up.

What is it I want, you ask? You did ask that didn't you? I'm pretty sure somebody asked that.

Reviews. That's the currency I seek. No, I demand. My fists slams against my desk top.

How many you ask? You do know who you're dealing with, right? I'm no penny ante fablescrapper. I'm Big-time baby. Don't you forget it.

Those other authors might settle for 10 reviews. Or some even 20 reviews. Heck, there are even some high powered guys and gals that might demand 50 reviews. But not me. You want chapter four? It's gonna cost you.

How many?

100 reviews.

You want more of this story? Just hit the review button at the bottom of this page. You don't have to say anything eloquent. How about, "is good." Or, "I loved all the stuff that happened."

But remember, no 100 reviews…no chapter four. Bwahaha.

How can you reach me? You can't. I'll contact you. That is if you come through with the cash. Er, I mean reviews. Bwahaha.

So if you care about poor little defenseless chapter four ever seeing the light of day, then you need to do the right thing. Send me a review. Bwahaha.

Laughing this way hurts my throat.

LeeCan


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Don't make me use the fablescrapper on you. lol -This chapter changes things up a bit. I would love to know what you think.

Happy birthday SLWF. thanks for your hard work on chapter three.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Four

"Casey said that?" I say lying on my bed in just my underwear, my knees are drawn up with my feet flat on the bed. My Brussels apartment bedroom is small but comfortable and I'm grinning from ear to ear. It's 2:07 am and I really have to get to sleep.

"Wait till you hear what he said to Beckman, but I can't tell you that over the phone," Chuck said from his bedroom in LA.

We have developed a routine of calling each other every night. Our CIA phone bill must be horrendous.

"Chuck, I really have to get to sleep. I hate to but I've got to say goodnight," I say as I calculate the number of hour's sleep I'll get if I fall asleep immediately. "Call me tomorrow, OK?"

"I will, but it might be a little late. Team Bartowski has got something planned tomorrow night"

"Tell me all about when you call," I said suddenly feeling nostalgic for him and the whole LA team, Casey, Ellie, Devon, and even Morgan. I often long for the time I spent with Chuck in Los Angeles. It was absolutely the best time of my life.

. "Goodnight Sarah, I love you."

I hesitate; it still seems odd to speak openly about the way I feel. I had to keep my feelings hidden for so long. It seems strange to say it out loud, like I still have to look around to see if anyone might hear me. "I love you too, I'll see you next week" I hang up the phone and try to put Chuck's visit to Paris next week out of my mind. If I start to think about that, I will not sleep at all tonight.

The woman my mission revolves around is out of town next weekend and so Chuck and I arranged to see each other in Paris. It will be the first time we have laid eyes on each other besides video phones since I left LA almost two months ago.

But for now, I continue to play the role my mission requires. A Polish transplant working for a law firm and more importantly the new best friend of Belgium playgirl Justine Peeters. Justine is the daughter of Multimillionaire Jacco Peeters, a very well connected reported humanitarian who the CIA suspects of running guns and other weapons to anyone who will pay. These days that seems to be Iran or some faction of Hezbollah.

My job is to get close to Jacco and uncover incriminating evidence about his illegal activities by being close to the one person he trusts…his daughter.

It's taken almost six months for him to be at ease with my presence at his villa which is nestled up to the Parc Scheutbos in Brussels.

I speak Polish very well and since neither Justine nor Jacco speak Polish we settled on that being my cover. In the spy game there is something less suspicious about being a European. For some reason if I try to play the role of an American in Europe, it just starts the mission off in a deficit.

I finally turn off my mind and go to sleep. The last thought I recall is anticipation of Chuck's call tomorrow night.

X=X

I sit at my kitchen table in my apartment in downtown Brussels looking at the latest batch of mail sent to me by some CIA operative in Swinoujscle, my cover hometown. I pick up the letter and look at my cover name printed neatly by my cover mother in Polish. Agnieska Radwadowski, that's my name. Justine calls me Aggie for short.

After leaving Chuck almost six months ago, I was sent to the coastal town of Swinoujscle on the Baltic Sea to get to know the area and brush up my Polish accent. From there, I was given the job with a law firm who owed favors to Interpol who in turn owed a favor to the CIA. That's how the espionage business works. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

I was a little shocked when I first started at the law firm. They expected me to really work as a legal secretary. Although I knew nothing about the law, except for putting international thieves and murder's in jail, I quickly caught on by studying at my apartment late into the night for almost two turned out to be a blessing. It kept my mind off of Chuck back in LA. Had I not had the legal secretary studies to keep my mind occupied, I would have gone out of my mind.

Justine was a spoiled rich kid and at first I really didn't like her. As time wore on I saw how she was manipulated by her father and that like most kids, she just wanted her parents to love her. The one thing about her that I didn't like was the fact that she was absolutely boy crazy. If she liked a guy and hadn't slept with him, she made it a personal mission to rectify that situation.

She lost many of her "best friends" over sleeping with their boyfriends. Now, I am her best friend. The good news is for this cover, I don't have a boyfriend. Something both she and I find refreshing. I almost always have to have someone that I pretend to like or love when I'm on a mission. It's been fantastic not having to deal with that element.

Justine loves the fact that I don't have a boyfriend because I think she really likes me and doesn't want the temptation.

In many ways Justine was the equivalent of America's own Paris Hilton, maybe on a smaller scale. But she loved to party and everything that goes with that lifestyle. She was always throwing one guy after another my way… that is if she was not interested in them herself.

On this mission that was the tricky part. Showing enough interest in the guys but not enough interest where things would get out of hand. Between the booze and the drugs, the parties where pretty wild and I couldn't help but be thankful Chuck was not here on more than one occasion. New and improved Chuck or not, I'm pretty sure he would not be comfortable running around in his underwear while chasing drunk or messed up girls, sometimes with even less on.

It's when I think of the things I've had to do and still do that I worry about what Chuck will think when he finds out. I've come to realize that what he thinks about me is the most important thing in the world. So important that I almost threw away any chance I had with him to keep him from finding out more about me. But the problem is my belief system and Chuck's are completely different. I know that from working with him in the past. I know if we ever have problems it will be due to how we view our rolls as agents, and, how far we are willing to go to succeed.

X=X

The week was uneventful, everyday seeming just like the day before. On Friday I was going to pick Chuck up at the airport in Paris. Before that I had to get through the day. After getting ready for work I left my apartment got into my Smart car and drove the eight blocks to my cover job. Once I entered the building I had to register with Aarn't Schalken, the managing director of the firm. Aarn't is a Dutch national and he knows that I am a CIA operative. He insists upon me coming into his office every morning to "register" so he knows I'm on the job. I know that what he really wants is to get into my pants. He's so blatant it's almost funny. He's even kicked it up a notch recently. He's about ten years older than I am and he's use to getting whatever he wants. And right now it's obvious he wants me.

I turn down his obvious advances this morning and go about my job. But to tell the truth, Aarn't is starting to wear thin.

X=X

The morning flies by and I find myself having lunch with Justine like every other day this week.

"Aggie, I wish you could come with us, it's going to be a blast," Justine said as she took a bite of her mussels and chips.

"I know Justine, but really I'm OK with staying at home this weekend. You have a great time and I will see you on Wednesday," I say speaking in a Polish accented French.

Justine's first language is Flemish but like most of the people from Belgium, they learn to speak both national languages. Since I don't speak Flemish, Justine and I speak in French.

"Maybe next time daddy will let you come along, he's starting to warm up to you."

I smile at her. Little did she know that that was the whole idea. "Tell your father I said hello," I say smiling graciously.

"Besides, I don't think there's going to be any boys around. It might turn out to be very boring."

"Justine! I'm OK. Actually I will enjoy a little time off from the Justine Peeters rollercoaster."

She smiles at me. She likes knowing that I can't keep up with her. "Next time I will insist that you come along," she said in a pouting voice.

I laugh. "OK, next time I'm coming along."

What Justine didn't know was that in three and a half hours I would be getting into my little car and driving the three and a half hours to Orly International Airport to pick Chuck up and then we will spend a fabulous five days in Paris.

We will also spend four fabulous nights in Paris too. I think for the tenth time this morning. I know now from experience that absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Justine pays for our lunch like she does every other day and we smile at each other.

"Goodbye Justine, I will see you next Wednesday."

She kisses me on both cheeks. "Goodbye my good friend Aggie," she says and walks away like she owned the world.

I look at her and think that here in Brussels she might as well.

X=X

The afternoon went quickly and just as I was ready to leave, Aarn't walked into my little office and made one more pass at me. I am sure that if I gave him what he wanted he would have a picture of me hanging on his wall as the trophy of his conquest. I politely turned him down and left the building.

I got into my car and began to drive south along N261. The drive will take about three hours. And as the time began to pass, I found myself growing more and more excited to see the man that I love and to hold him in my arms.

By the time I took the left at A3 with the sign showing Bordeaux/Nantes/ Bobigny/Paris-Est, the city began to spread out before me. I had Chuck book the flight into Orly instead of de Gaulle because it was less hectic, but only by a little.

I parked in short term parking and went into the venerable old airport on the south side of Paris. I have been here on more than one occasion so I found Chuck's terminal and gate quickly and found myself waiting for his arrival about the same time his plane was to have touched down.

Seventeen minutes later I was flying into the arms of a tall not so curly headed man. My excitement could only be matched by his smile. He looked like any other man travelling into Orly, only I knew that he was a newly hired CIA operative and I very important asset to the Intelligence community.

After a long and extended kiss that had even the PDA comfortable people of Paris clapping and congratulating us, we made our way to baggage claim and then on to the car.

We held hands the entire trip from the terminal until we reached the car. I know I felt the need to actually touch him and he must have felt the same way.

We chit-chatted until we got to the car where we knew that we had some privacy.

"Chuck, I'm so glad you're here I can't tell you how lonely I've been, living here without you," I said still smiling like an idiot.

As a response he reached over and kissed me again. "I've missed you too. The phone calls help but only a little."

He looked around as I sped out of the airport after paying the parking fee and drove to our little hotel in east central Paris. I had the clear advantage of knowing a little about the city having worked here once or twice in the past. The main advantage is that I spoke the language like a native.

Twenty minutes on the road found me pulling into 11 Rue Ecoles and the Familia Hotel. It was nice enough but not one of the marquis hotels in Paris. I learned long ago if I wanted to conduct a private get together for whatever reason, not to use the marquis hotels in one of the world's largest and best known cities.

I led Chuck into the hotel and grabbed the key at the front desk since I made the reservation. We took the elevator to the second floor and just like I had thought all week long that it would never get here, I was standing in my hotel room with the man I love.

I don't know which one of us smiled first but that was all it took for the clothes to start flying off of our bodies faster than a Broadway actor backstage. I pushed him onto the bed and practically fell on top of him. I kissed him with as much passion as I have in me.

When we came up for air it was typical of Chuck.

"It's good to see you too," he said smiling. But then he grabbed me and spun me onto the bed.

X=X

"I just don't know if it's a good idea," I say after hearing Chuck's suggestion that we drive to Brussels so he can see my apartment and the place I work. It's Saturday morning and I had a day of sightseeing planned for us.

"Oh, come on. What can happen? You said yourself that Justine is out of town. We could spend a day in Brussels and come back here day after tomorrow. How long a drive is it?" he asked as though the decision was made.

That's when I am reminded of the new Chuck. _I guess it would be OK, I think._

"OK, one day in Brussels and then we drive back to Paris tomorrow night or at the latest, day after tomorrow. It's three and a half hours," I said as an afterthought.

"Deal," he said grinning at me.

He began to pack some clothes for the short trip and within the hour we were driving up to Brussels.

"I can't believe you want to leave the city of love. How romantic is it to be in Paris," I asked.

"I suppose. But we will have another couple of days before I have to leave. We'll get to see plenty of Paris. I just wanted to be able to visualize your apartment when I talk with you on the phone."

I understood that. Being able to see the place in your mind did make everything seem so much more real. I guess that's why I gave in a decided to drive back to Brussels.

The drive up was a lot more pleasant with Chuck beside me than the drive down. It seemed to take forever getting from Brussels to Paris. The drive up to Brussels seemed to take only a moment. Chuck and I talked and then we would just look at each other without saying anything. I think that it was those moments of silence that I appreciated the most. I saw in his eyes what I mean to him. It's one thing to hear the man you love tell you he loves you but it's another thing entirely to see him tell you he loves you.

It was just a little before noon on Saturday morning when I pulled into my parking space and ushered Chuck out of the car with what little luggage we brought along.

"Ssshhh," I said. I don't want all of my neighbors seeing you going into my room if I can help it."

"From what I hear you have guys coming and going all the time with Justine."

I could tell that he's joking but there was a hint of seriousness about the statement that made me apprehensive. But I decided to go on as though there was no hidden element to the conversation.

"Those guys that hang around Justine are no problem. But I'll tell you who is becoming a major pain in the ass…Aarn't Schalken, my boss at the law firm."

"You want agent Charles Carmichael to go have a talk with him," Chuck said jokingly.

That gave me an idea. "Would you mind?"

"Are you kidding? You want me to have a talk with him? Since when have you gotten so girly on me?"

I laugh. "Look, he knows I'm CIA. He's been in on the whole deal. But he has really been making a play for me," I said and watched as Chuck's body language starts to stiffen up.

"I have an idea that will put a stop to his plans for me and all you have to do is stand in the hallway and not say a word," I said regarding him to gauge his level of acceptance.

"Sure, but I'm beginning to think I would prefer talking with this jerk."

"Come on, it's Saturday but he'll be there. He's always there. Remember, I don't want you saying a word. It will ruin the effect."

"I can say nothing with the best of them," he said. He threw our luggage on the floor and we left. "I **will** get to see your apartment before we leave," he said as I led him back out to the car.

We drove the short drive from my apartment to my law firm quickly. The traffic was minimal for a Saturday. I pulled into the nearly empty parking lot except for the large Volvo in the front row. I nodded my head with satisfaction realizing that this might really work.

After walking into the building, I quickly strategized how I wanted this to go down. We walked to the middle of the large foyer in the front of the building and I turned to Chuck.

"You stay here. Don't move from this spot. Also look like you're a little pissed off."

"At you or at him?"

"Doesn't matter. Just don't smile. Leave the rest up to me," I said as I walked towards his office. I knew that all I would have to do was have him see me and I will be scurrying for my life. So to speak.

"Aggie, come here a minute. What are you doing coming to work on a Saturday. Showing that kind of dedication will put you in the good graces of the boss," he said as he had gotten up from his seat to come see me.

I stood just outside his doorway and waited for just the right moment to begin to speak. Just as he was about to step into his office door threshold, I started.

"Oh, I wanted to show my boyfriend where I worked," I said nonchalantly.

He slowed his approach. "You haven't found yourself a guy while you've been over here have you," he said sardonically.

I waited for effect. "No, I've had this one for some time."

I saw the wheels start to work as he stopped in his tracks about three steps from me. He took a hesitant look at Chuck who was looking sufficiently pissed off.

I took a couple of steps towards him. "That's right, my boyfriend works for the same outfit I do. He doesn't know about all the come-ons I've had to deal with from you. He's a little bit on the jealous side. And, he can kill you any number of ways with his bare hands. He's an assassin; do you want to meet him? Just to say you've met one"

"No, no no. I have a lot of work to do. Just show him around and then get out and enjoy the day. You two should enjoy yourselves, he said closing the door to his office as he hid behind it.

I couldn't help but laugh as I made my way back to Chuck.

"Thanks for that," I said smiling.

"I'm not sure what I did but I think you just took care of your problem."

"Oh yeah, in a big way. Come on, let's get out of here. I want to show you my apartment," I said with a wicked smile.

"I knew this was a good idea," he said grinning as we left the building.

X=X

"Are you trying to kill me or are you that insatiable?" Chuck said not really minding my attempt at continuing our lovemaking.

"Unless you can think of something better to do," I said smiling at him.

"Oh, that reminds me. I can't believe I forgot to tell you." Chuck jumped out of bed so he could stand while he said what he had to say.

"What?" I asked not having a clue about the topic but I could tell by his animated movements that it was going to be good.

"Guess who Kate's seeing?" Chuck's face took on a positively sinister aspect.

"Kate, your partner Kate?" I knew that was who he meant but I could think of no one that would interest her in LA. Unless it was Awesome and I knew Chuck wouldn't be excited to tell me that.

"Guess," he said excitedly.

I got up on my knees in bed as I tried to think of who it could be. "I don't have a clue," I finally said.

"Casey! Can you believe it? Kate and Casey have been hooking it up for about three weeks now. I wanted to tell you over the phone but it was too good. I knew I had to wait until I saw you. I can't believe I almost forgot."

Casey and Kate! He's old enough to be her…" I looked at Chuck perplexed. "How old do you think Casey is anyway?"

He shook his head as if he didn't have a clue. "He appears to be old enough I can tell you she seems very happy these days. And you wouldn't believe the constant grin on his face. Can you believe it?"

Chuck stood by the side of my bed wearing only his excited expression and the news of Casey's sexual exploits sort of ruined the mood for me so I got out of bed and put on my panties and bra. Just when I started to step into my blue jeans, the door to my apartment flew open and in walked Justine.

"Justine, wait. Stay out there," I said as I closed the door to my bedroom.

"Is that Justine?" Chuck said in a loud whisper. I looked at him panicked.

"Yes, get dressed and stay in here. I'll try to get rid of her," I said as I button the top button of my top. I opened the door of my bedroom and closed it right behind me.

"Hi Justine, I thought you were out of town this weekend?" I say in French.

"Who are you hiding in your bedroom, Aggie?" Justine had caught me and she knew it.

I switched from French to English, although still with a thick polish accent, so Chuck could understand what was being said. "My Ex flew into Paris yesterday and called me up. I drove down to get him and we planned on spending some time together," I said trying to sound as if it were no big deal.

"Come on, Aggie. I want to meet him. Bring him out," she said in her pouting voice.

I knew enough about Justine to know there was no getting around this and went to the bedroom door. "Chuck, come on out. I have someone I want you to meet." I said.

Chuck walked out of the bedroom looking very much like he would rather be anywhere but in my apartment in Brussels.

"Justine, this is Charles Carmichael. Charles this is Justine Peeters." I waited for Justine to do whatever it was she intended to do.

"English?" she asked in French.

"No, American. From Los Angeles actually."

"An American. Aggie you never told me about having an American boyfriend. How decadent of you," she said now in English.

"Justine, I can assure you there is nothing decadent about Chuck."

She ignored me and walked right up to Chuck and put her left hand on his chest.

_Oh no, I thought. I've seen that look on her face_. She was like the female lion that had just spotted the weakest in the herd.

"So Aggie…you and Chuck, history?" she asked in French while rubbing up against him. If I hadn't been so shocked by her sudden appearance I could have laughed at the look on Chuck's face. He had no idea what to do with the attractive woman trying to become his shirt.

"Chuck is my Ex-boyfriend. We're still good friends." I speak in English.

"Can I have him?" Justine says in French.

That got my wheels spinning. I bit my lip as I think about the possibilities. With Chuck posing as Justine's boyfriend and me as her girlfriend between the two of us we should be able to get the information needed to put away Jacco for gun running.

The down side is that there is no way Chuck is not having sex with Justine if we do this. I watch him as he looks from Justine to me with the slow dawning realization that he is being talked about like he was a slab of beef.

"That's between you and Chuck," I say in English and I try to give Chuck a heads up with a look. I know he catches on by his expression. He is really angry but only I can tell it.

"Chuck, you want to buy me a drink," Justine said in her adorable Flemish accented English.

I give Chuck the 'it's OK' look.

"Sure, you fly and I'll buy," he said.

"Excuse me," Justine said not understanding.

"He means that if you have a car, he will buy the drinks," I say to Justine.

She looks from me to him and smiles broadly. It occurs to me that Justine was really into Chuck. I doubt if she ever had an American boyfriend before.

She grabbed Chuck by the hand and led him to the door. "How did you say…you fly and I'll buy. I get it," she said laughing.

As she led him through the door, he gave me one last look before closing it. I knew that he was not happy with me. I will deal with that later. Right now I had to come up with a way to contact him so we could make some plans.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I short chapter but I hope you enjoy it.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Five

_I did the right thing. I know I did, _I say to myself as I pace my bedroom floor_. Stop the flow of weapons and save lives. _

I stop my pacing and collapse on the bed. _Then why do I feel so bad?_ I think as I let out a completely exasperated sigh.

_He's done this to me. I use to have perfect clarity about my job. I knew the right this to do no matter what situation I found myself in._

But I can't help but remember his eyes before he closed the door to my apartment. I saw pain in those eyes. And I saw something else…an accusation. It's that accusation that has me second guessing whether I did the right thing.

How do I evaluate the importance of the feelings of this man I know I would die for against the possible lives of others? My black and white world has suddenly turned into many shades of gray.

Just when I thought my state of mind couldn't get worse, I think about what Chuck and Justine are doing right now. I visualize them together, in bed, laughing and doing the things that are supposed to be reserved for us. I shake my head to remove the latest disturbing image now haunting me. I hate it when he is smiling like he wants to be there.

I only have myself to blame. I made the unilateral decision to send Chuck off with Justine, knowing what the end result would be.

Why does the thought of him with another woman disturb me so? Bryce and I both had to do it. And we dealt with it like professionals. Then why is it tearing at my insides when I know he is just doing his job…nothing more. But that is question. Is he just doing his job and nothing more? Or, is he enjoying himself now more than he does when we're together?

_Stop it, Sarah_, I think and slam my fist into the bed. I stand up and begin to pace again.

And what will he think of me when this is over? When he knows that I casually sent him into the arms of another woman, into her bed, as if I were sending him out for a cup of coffee.

Will he doubt that I love him? Is this the first step toward Chuck learning to hate me? A fear grips at my heart with this thought and I start to cry realizing just how screwed up my thoughts have become. I quickly get control of myself but I know it is only a matter of time before this issue comes front and center.

Willing myself from this topic, my mind roamed to another less painful subject.

General Beckman.

_That woman is going to be one pissed off lady_, I think. She will say that I had no right to insert Chuck into this mission without her authority. But she knows as well as I do that a field agent has the authority to take advantage of any remarkable situation that may arise. Beckman may become irate with me but she can't change what's been done.

Chuck is now a player in this game. And as such Beckman may rant and rave but she can't pull him.

If there is a silver lining to what I've done here tonight it is this; if Chuck and I are successful, there's a good chance that we could be assigned to another mission. And if that's successful, then we might be made into a permanent team. My mind races with excitement as I consider that possibility. I have to calm myself down. It's like hitting the lottery for me. But I know I'm getting way ahead of myself. And that thought brings me to a more painful realization. I glance quickly at the clock, 3:02 am. I need to see him, I think. I need to talk with him and tell him I love him. I just need for him to understand why I did what I did.

I need him to forgive me.

I put some clothes on and drive to Justine's father's villa knowing full well I could be jeopardizing the whole mission by doing this. _But I have to do this_, I think.

I try to force myself to turn back during the entire drive to the Peeters compound but my need to see Chuck overcame my agent's judgment. _Just don't screw this up, I think._

X=X

"Why did you and Aggie break up?" Justine asks me in her sexy accent.

"I don't really know for sure," I say. "It was complicated."

I turn to look at her lying beside me. Her negligee is back on and she seemed satisfied to be lying next to me. Not that it made any difference whether she wore it or not. It covered nothing. I can easily see her body through the sheer material.

I feel guilty every time I look at her beautiful slender form, although I don't have any idea why. Sarah sent me over here to sleep with her. I presume she saw some advantage in it for her mission.

I was so close to closing the deal. I had made up my mind that if that's what Sarah wanted then that's what she would get.

But at the last second…and I do mean last second, I stopped. I'm pretty sure that in some definitions, for instance, I'm pretty sure that George Bush would define what we did as sex. But Bill Clinton would not. I silently laugh at my own joke. Justine and I were considered lovers by some definitions.

But not in mine.

I told her I couldn't. That the reason I came to Europe was to win Aggie back. I'm not sure why but it seemed to touch her heart. She let me off the hook just when I know for a fact she really didn't want to.

Justine's been great. It's Sarah I don't understand. It seemed as though she could not wait to get me in Justine's bed. It's given me a lot to think about. Like how well do I know this woman? This woman that I love. I knew or at least I thought I knew the Sarah Walker that was originally assigned to protect me. But now, I just don't know.

Just then I'm distracted by the woman lying next to me.

"Rub my back?" she purrs. As she asked the question, she rolled over on her side allowing me an excellent view of her back and more.

I start to rub her back through her nightgown.

"No, underneath," she said.

There was no way to get my arm under her negligee and reach the top of her back so I had to lift her gown all the way up to her shoulders. She didn't seem to mind.

Justine's skin was soft and smooth.

And inviting.

The thought occurred to me that I must be out of my head to pass on this. But then I realized that I was indeed out of my head…and my heart. There was only one woman for me and I can only hope she feels the same about me.

Tonight has given me cause for concern, but one thing that I know is in the spy business, not everything is as it seems.

I took a mental step back. Sarah didn't know Justine was in town or that she would show up unannounced. So this was clearly an unplanned event. But what was she trying to accomplish? And then it hit me. I felt like an idiot. Of course. She wants me to get close to Justine, so I can gain access to her father's villa. Just as I thought this, my blood turned to ice.

I had ruined her plan by not sleeping with Justine. In fact, I completely destroyed her plan by declaring my undying love for Aggie.

_She's going to be pissed at me, _I thought as I continued to rub the back of a now sleeping woman.

X=X

I drove my little car as though it was my Porsche in LA. I drove like a mad woman. A mad woman with a need to talk with the man she loved. A woman that for some reason inexplicably sent him to sleep with the horniest woman in Brussels. I could just scream at my stupidity.

I parked a block away from the villa and crept towards it. I crossed the outer perimeter on the east side. I already knew that was the best place this time of night.

After gaining access to the grounds, I made my way to Justine's bedroom on the west side of the villa. Just when I thought the coast was clear and started to step onto the patio, I saw one of the guards. I quickly ducked out of sight but I must have made more noise than I realized because he came directly towards me to investigate. Hiding behind the shrubbery outlining the patio outside of Justine's bedroom, I kept perfectly still and hoped the moon's light was not too bright to give me away.

Hardly able to breathe, I watched as the guard stopped about two meters away from me and looked over the grounds. He didn't appear to be on high alert but I took no chances. The whole operation was at stake. I quickly thought how I would explain this to my superiors if I got caught.

The guard abruptly turned and resumed his previous route. I waited until he was out of sight before I crept across the patio towards Justine's bedroom.

Her bedroom had two sets of French doors that opened to the large patio. I found myself peering in looking for Chuck. As my eyes grew accustomed to the geometry of her bed and I was able to distinguish bodies from pillows, I recognized Chuck was still awake and rubbing Justine's back.

I breathed deeply so I wouldn't cry. He seemed serene while caressing this woman he had made love to. It made me sad. Sad because I was the reason he was here.

Not even thinking about what would happen next, I took a quarter from my pocket and lightly rapped on the window. I was relieved to see that Chuck heard me while Justine apparently did not.

I watched him carefully get out of bed and come to the door. I was glad to see that he was wearing his boxers. When he opened the door I didn't give him a chance to say a word. Instead I wrapped him in my arms and kissed him hard…and long and sloppy…and long. When I finally pulled away from him, I knew he could see the tears in my eyes from the moonlight.

"Sarah, what are you doing?"

"Chuck, I'm sorry. I just had to tell you how sorry I am to have done this," I said in a hushed voice.

He looked back towards Justine, "Come here," he said pulling me over to a small alcove created by the shrubbery and the house.

"Chuck, I feel horrible about what I've made you do, I just wanted you to know."

I watched Chuck's expression fall and felt as though he was struggling with what he'd done.

"Sarah, don't feel bad. It wasn't that bad," he said.

"What!" I couldn't believe what he had said.

"I mean, wait, that's not what I meant," he started stumbling over his words when he saw my angry expression.

"Then what did you mean?" I said not ready to let him off the hook yet.

"I meant that we didn't do what you think we did."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. Could it be true? "Chuck, I just saw you in bed with her. She's not wearing anything. Do you really think I'm gullible enough to believe you and especially Justine showed restraint?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying and this is an opportunity for you to trust me." He looked at me intently.

"I knew immdediately that he was telling me the truth. I felt both fabulous and horrible at the same time. I felt like shouting to the rooftops my love for this man. But the knowledge that he refused to sleep with Justine is going to make this operation a lot more difficult to complete successfully. _Why do I care about that again_? I think.

"I know Justine. How did you convince her not to…you know?"

"I told her I am in love with you. That I came to Europe to get you back."

Leave it to Chuck to somehow find a way to tell the truth and keep the mission on track. _We could all take lessons from him_, I think. "That can still work for us. But you-"

"What's going on out here?" Justine said sounding quite put out and standing in her sheer nightgown, the moonlight behind her showing the lithe shape of her body.

_She looked every bit like a fantasy_, I think. I can't express just how impressed I am that Chuck did not actually sleep with her. It tells me just how much he loves me.

"Justine, I'm sorry but I got to thinking about sending Chuck over here and it started bothering me. I wanted to talk with him," I said looking sheepishly at her.

She looked at me long and hard. Finally she smiled. "Aggie, it's OK. Chuck told me everything. I don't know why but I think it's sweet with him coming over here to get you back."

I made a point to let out a sigh of relief for her benefit. "Justine, thank you so much. I was afraid you would insist on going after him. And I know when you do that you always get what you want," I said stroking her ego.

"You will have to bring Chuck to my father's party next week. Maybe he can give him a job so he can stay for a while."

Realizing that that was the perfect setup, I smiled broadly at her and gave Chuck a knowing smile.

"Come on, you two can take the guest room tonight. There's no use in driving back at this hour," she said as she walked into her bedroom.

We followed her into the guest bedroom. She left without saying a word but gave me a coy smile that seemed to suggest that I have a good time. I returned the smile and then turned to face my boyfriend once the door was closed.

He was happy to see me.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter was difficult to write. Not really sure why. I would appreciate hearing from you if you like it or more importantly, if you do not.** **I think it's because of the last episode. Maybe after tomorrow we can all breathe easier. **

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Six

"What?" I say as I catch Chuck looking at my dress for the tenth time since we got into the car.

"Nothing," he said sheepishly.

"Come on, Chuck. Is there a problem with the dress?" I ask a little defensively.

He jerked around to look at me. "No, it's not that. It's just that I'm wondering why you never wear red anymore?"

I can't believe my ears. Is he really asking me that? After what he said about a year ago, I would think he would know why I haven't wore red ever since. "You're serious? You really don't know?" I'm starting to get worked up. And when Sarah Walker gets worked up, anyone in her vicinity usually knows it.

"You told me I didn't look good in red," I said. I know Chuck can hear the hard edge in my voice.

"I was kidding," he said with a nervous chuckle. "You were smoking hot in that dress. I thought you knew that."

I see by the look on his face that he realizes that he just stepped in quicksand and there is no way out of this. "Kidding! You were kidding? I threw away every red dress I had after that comment. Do you know how long it took me to get over that?" I yelled the last of it. When I looked over to see his face, I expected any expression but the one I saw. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"What's so funny?" I say still fuming.

"I had no idea that you took what I said so seriously then."

That was all he said but I shut up. I knew that no matter how much I raised my voice, I was not going to erase that goofy smile off his face. Although inwardly I laughed as well at his boyish charm, outwardly I tried to maintain a proper scowl, at least for a dignified amount of time.

I drove the Smart through the city streets. It was early spring in Belgium and the trees were budding. There was still crispness in the air but it held promise of better weather ahead. As we left the city, the countryside of Belgium was breathtaking. The open fields rolled along like an angry ocean, an ocean just beginning to turn green. An ocean brought under control by the wooden fences that outlined every field.

As we drove further away from the city, the tree-lined road narrowed and the trees overhung the road from both sides giving the illusion of driving into a tunnel.

Eventually, I saw the glow of Jacco's villa in the distance. The sun had given way to the quarter moon the color of milk and a handful of stars. As I looked around at the splendor of my surroundings, I felt Chuck's hand squeeze my thigh and I knew before I looked into his eyes that he felt just how special this moment was too. I looked into his eyes for as long as I dared, given the geometry of the road, and smiled warmly at him.

I took a moment to enjoy another spectacular view as well. Chuck wore a Tom Ford suit without a tie. He sported three days of stubble that gave him a bad boy look. His dark eyes and hair went well with his nearly pitch black suit. His black button down shirt was open at the top. He looked like the real deal. Even John Casey would be pleased.

I look at my little black dress. I look OK in black but as Chuck pointed out, red is my best color. I will have to go shopping as soon as possible to correct this situation. I think back to that time when I hung on every little word, every nuance from Chuck. Because at that time that's all we had…trying to read between the lines. Trying to understand what each other was really saying without saying it. It's a wonder we ever figured out that we were in love with each other. Or at least, he figured out I was in love with him. For me it was a little easier.

It was illuminating for me to realize that I had thrown away every red piece of clothing I owned due to an offhand remark that was meant to be a joke.

But then I realized that we were going to this party to work, not to have a good time. It brought me back to the moment. I gave one last appreciative look at my surroundings and then turned my attention to the good looking guy sitting next to me.

"Chuck, we have to focus. I don't know who's going to be at this party. If you get any flashes let me know immediately, OK."

"No problem, Sarah. You do remember this is not my first time, don't you?"

I knew it was his easy way of telling me that I needed to worry about myself. But it is hard for me. I'm so used to being his protector. In fact that was our relationship the last time we worked together. Chuck had not joined the CIA until after I left. I took a second to look at him, really looked at him. He amazes me on so many levels. How far has he come from that nerdy store clerk I first met two years ago? And yet the essential qualities that I find so appealing are still there.

I wonder if I would have told Chuck on that first date we had two years ago that he and I would be working for the CIA together. And we would be in Belgium trying to put a huge weapons dealer away just two years after we met…I wonder what he would have thought? Hell, I wonder what I would have thought.

By the time Jacco's villa came into view, we had pulled onto his driveway and I heard the tires of my car rattle and prattle as they rolled across the uneven surface of the brick drive. For some reason, it reminded me of a time long ago when I was a kid and we would use clothes pins to attach a baseball card to the back wheel of my bicycle. I don't have many happy childhood memories but that is one of them.

The villa nestled into the Parc du Scheutbos and the large forest stood like a monument against the surrounding farmlands. The grounds were pristine and were encompassed by perfectly manicured shrubbery that was at least eight feet tall.

As we drove up to the house we parked along the large circular drive that surrounded a working fountain. Justine had already told the attendant that it was OK for me to park here.

The Villa was old, very old. Justine said it had been in her family for over two hundred years. It was painted brick and had been restored more than once over its lifespan. It was huge, having eight bedrooms and servants quarters under roof. The front porch had four large columns, two per side of the front door. There was a wide concrete stairway leading to the front door and the front porch before it.

Chuck and I held hands as we walked up the stairway and entered the large home. Our cover was that of a young couple trying to get back together after a messy breakup.

There was a large foyer that was about the same size as my apartment. It was lavishly decorated with antique furniture, all from famous furniture makers dating back as far as five hundred years. The slate floor was original to the house and was only found in the foyer.

Chuck and I handed our jackets to a paid attendant in the foyer and moved into the very large living room. At about half the size as the Buy More, it was a very impressive sight. There were two full size grand pianos in the room, one at each end. Original music from Beethoven and Mozart's own hand rested on the pianos music stand.

There were original paintings from the Master's era hanging on the walls. It was a setting that could easily intimidate the less experienced.

I noticed Chuck taking it all in with a sense of awe.

"Buck up, Bartowski," I said seriously. "We've got a job to do."

That snapped him out of it and I watch as he immediately becomes that ultra confident man I met in LA a couple of months ago. I gave him another look up and down without him knowing. _He sure looks the part_, I thought.

I spot Justine and grabbed Chuck's hand pulling him toward my new "best friend". Saying quick hellos to everyone we pass, I finally stand in front of her.

"Hi Justine, I'm going to speak English for Chuck's sake," I say.

"I didn't think you would make it, Aggie," Justine said as she hugged me and then kissed me on both cheeks. She then looked suggestively at Chuck. "Hello stranger, long time no see. Isn't that how you Americans say it?"

Chuck smiled that smile that I love to see. "That's right. But it hasn't been that long."

I stifle a strong pang of jealousy as Justine gave Chuck a very familiar hug.

"I'm glad you came," Justine said and then she reached up to whisper into his ear.

I had to strain to hear but I barely made it out.

"I'm glad you're here. Take care of Aggie tonight."

I watched Chuck's reaction and although he was quite charming he flashed me the look that told me he didn't like the situation.

"Oh, don't worry about that, Justine. I have every intention of taking care of her."

It struck me as odd the way he was acting. Only I know that the smile he flashes her is completely fake. Only I know from the little look he gave me that he is uptight about something.

"Justine, I'm going to take Chuck over there and sit down. Join us if you get the time," I say pointing to the large empty sofa sitting against the North wall of the room.

I'm puzzled by his reaction. I can tell by his body language that he's upset, no, he's pissed. As we sit down I take a good look at him.

"Chuck, what on earth is bugging you?"

He looked around the room finally resting his eyes on Justine as he talked.

"I don't know. I just got a really bad vibe from her."

"Well stop worry about her. All she wants to do is get into your pants. It's her father we're here for."

He pulled his gaze from Justine to look at me. "Yeah, I guess you're right. So, who are the players?" he said as he looked around the room.

"Over there by the piano…that's Sophie Peeters, Justine's step mother. Justine does not get along with her."

"OK, who else?"

"See the effeminate looking guy over there," I said pointing towards the front of the room. "That's Jens Lambert, he's Jacco Peeters' lawyer. We haven't found anything on him yet but the CIA believes he's involved as well. He's just too close to Jacco not to be." I watch as Chuck registers this new information and commits it to memory.

"Who's that over there?" Chuck asked.

"That's him, that's Jacco Peeters. I don't know who that is with him. I'll see if Justine will introduce you later tonight."

"Introduce, Introsmoosh," he said as he got up and walked towards the man.

I started to call out to him but realized it would be to overt and the last thing I wanted to do was call attention to myself. I wanted to blend in and maybe sneak away into Jacco's study for another look around.

As I watched Chuck make his way to where Jacco stood talking to a man I didn't know, Arnaud Mertens sat down beside me.

"Hi Aggie," he said looking at the retreating form of Chuck as he talked. "I understand I've got some competition." He's speaking his native French.

I smile at him. He's been the most persistent of Justine's friends who has tried to become a little more than friends. Persistent is not quite strong enough a term for Arnaud but I've not worried about him, he's just a rich kid that's always gotten everything he wanted. I'm probably the first thing he's actually had to work at to get. Actually, I'm glad Chuck's here because if this mission lasted too much longer, I would have had to move towards becoming more than friends and I really didn't want to do that.

"Arnaud, there is no competition for you," I repeat in French.

"Don't ignore my question, Aggie. I understand he's staying with you."

All of a sudden, I sense something in Arnaud that I hadn't sensed before. Something I didn't like. Instead of a slightly pushy rich kid who wanted to go to bed with me, I get a much more sinister vibe from him. A vibe that tells me that Arnaud could actually be dangerous. It surprises me that I've known him for six months and I'm just now seeing this side of him. I'm usually better at reading people. Seeing underneath the exterior and getting to what is important.

"That's right, Arnaud. Chuck and I have a history. If we could make it work I would like nothing more than that to happen." I stare defiantly into his eyes. "I am in love with him."

He snorts derisively. "Aggie's in love. How sweet." His French accent adds to the sarcasm. He looked at me as though he were trying to understand a complicated math problem. "To an American.

Just then, I am surprised to see Chuck sitting down beside me and pat me familiarly on the thigh.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I repeated in my thickly accented English.

I know Chuck is waiting for me to introduce him to the guy sitting on the other side of me. I hesitate because I know that Arnaud will probably say something rude or even something I would prefer Chuck not know about. I find myself wishing I had come clean about the night when Arnaud and I made out.

"Aggie, who is your friend?" Chuck said looking at Arnaud.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say but I'm really sorry that I have to introduce them. "Chuck, this is Arnaud Mertens. Arnaud, this is Chuck Carmichael."

They shake hands. Chuck has the usual smile on his face when he meets someone new. But Arnaud looks calculating.

"Chuck, I thought your name was Charles?"

"Oh, it is…but my friends call me Chuck." Chuck continued to smile.

"Well, Charles," he said and waited for Chuck to understand exactly what he was saying. "Enjoy the rest of party." Arnaud got up to leave and gave me a lover's smile. It almost turned my stomach and I've had to deal with a lot of unsavory people.

"Arnaud," Chuck said as he put his arm around me. "How could I not." He pulled me into him.

_Great, just what I need on this mission. Two testosterone filled guys dueling for my favors. _

"What's the deal with guy this anyway? Like I don't really know," he said giving me that look.

I ignore him. "What did you find out about Jacco?" I ask him.

Chuck shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing…he seems like a regular Joe. Are you sure you've got the right guy? My instincts tell me we're following the wrong path."

My temperature rises about ten degrees with that. I've been working this case for six months and he's here for a couple of days and starts questioning my professional judgment.

"He's the right guy. We've got communiqués we've traced to his cell phone. Bank transfers that point to him as well as one of his not for profit corporations clearly is involved. There's too much smoke not to have a fire." I look at him so he knows how strongly I feel about this subject.

"OK, OK, I understand. I'm just saying he seemed like a descent guy. I wouldn't ordinarily suspect him of this kind of thing."

I know I shouldn't have said it but my mouth can get loose when I'm mad. "It's not like you have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. This is my mission and I'm in charge. Don't forget that."

He looked at me with fire in his eyes. "I wouldn't even be here right now if you wouldn't have sent me to bed down Justine. I don't understand why you want me here if you aren't even willing to hear what I've got to say."

His whispered voice had started to rise.

"Ssshhh," I say very quietly. "We'll talk about this later. Right now I want you to help me get into Jacco's study. I've got a few more places to look for evidence."

He nodded his head but I saw by his stiff body language that he was pissed. I know I stepped over the line with the one comment but I tend to say things that get me into trouble when I get mad. I know I'll have to apologize later.

X=X

"Look, I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it?" I say on the drive back to my apartment.

"You don't have to say it at all. Not for some wise-ass comment you made. I don't care about that. What I do care about is that you take my opinions seriously. And it's clear you don't." Chuck looked straight ahead and hadn't looked at me since this argument began almost five minutes ago.

"I find it a little arrogant that you talk to the mark for less than a minute and from all of that contact and intel gathering, you are ready to tell me that I've totally misjudged the situation and I'm taking the mission down the wrong path."

"That's not what I'm saying at all. And if you stop to think about it I'm sure you'll agree. What I'm saying is that Jacco seemed like a descent guy. Is there a possibility that he's innocent.? It's obvious we don't have the proof yet. Maybe there's a reason for that."

I know that he's right. When I calm down I will tell him so. But right now I'm too pissed. I take these arguments with Chuck personally and I will need some time to get over it.

The rest of the drive to my apartment is met with silence. Not even a cough between the two of us broke the silence that shouted that each of us were not willing to back down.

Finally, as we pulled into my apartment building on the southeast side of Brussels, Chuck said something that shook me to my core.

"Look, Sarah. Maybe it's not a good idea…us working together. I understand that you're in charge of this mission. I also understand that between the two of us you have always been in charge. It may be that you can't let go of that. It may be that we won't work together successfully because of our past paradigms," he said matter of factly.

He's right. I'm not dealing with an asset. Chuck is a full fledged member of the CIA. When I remember to think of him in those terms, I realize that if I were him, I wouldn't put up with the disrespect that I've shown him. Even if I didn't agree with his opinion, he still deserved for me to consider it.

The fact is, if I want Chuck and I to ever work together as a team, I better get on board with him being my equal. I know that I'm going to have to work on that. As much as I try to think otherwise, I still think of him as my asset. Someone that I need to protect.

But his statement definitely got my attention.

"Chuck, you're right. I should have considered you opinion. I've got to work on that," I say smiling at him as I walk through my front door. "Give me some time. I promise to change or at least-"

Chuck had pulled his weapon. I still find it difficult to imagine Chuck with a gun. But Casey had said that he had passed all required training. In an instant my Berretta is out as well.

"What is it?" I search the room as I speak. That's when I saw it. A woman's purse sitting in my chair in front of the TV.

At about the time I spot the purse, I hear a woman's voice coming from the bedroom. She's giggling.

Chuck and I sneak to the bedroom door and I count to three with my fingers. We bust through the door with weapons drawn and I'm absolutely shocked by what I see.

"Casey, what are you doing here?" I ask.

Casey scrambles to cover up. Both he and Kate are completely naked. There still pointing their sidearms at Chuck and I. Only after they recognized us and realized we would not shoot them did they scurry for covering. I believe that Kate took her time and let Chuck get an eyeful before she covered herself. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the wicked little smile she quickly gave me.

"Beckman sent us," Casey said. "She said if you were going to confiscate Agent Bartowski then you were going to have some help." He waited for me to respond. When I didn't he continued.

"Agent Walker, do you have anything to say?"

I look at Casey, then to Kate and finally my bed sitting between them.

"Yeah, I do. Wash those sheets."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: A realistic view of what Chuck and Sarah would have to deal with. Interested in what you think. I hope you enjoy.**

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Seven

"OK, that's the mission parameters and objectives…any questions?" I look at the three people assembled in my kitchen. There is a wide assortment of expressions ranging from boredom to absolute interest.

Casey shook his head, Chuck already knew everything I had just said and then there was Kate, beautiful, confident and completely infuriating Kate.

She had been eying Chuck the whole time I had given my presentation. And now she obviously had a question for me.

"Agent Walker, are we absolutely certain we have the right man?"

_Oh, this bitch is good_, I thought. She must have picked up that Chuck wasn't in complete agreement about the target. I started to do exactly what she wanted. I almost said that Chuck wasn't entirely certain of Jacco's guilt, but that he is wrong.

But I caught myself at the last minute. Besides, he deserves better than that.

"Chuck has his doubts about Jacco or at least he wants us to be open to the fact that someone else may be involved." I looked at Casey and then to Kate. "I agree. We need to keep an open mind." I stole a look at Chuck. I hope he knows just how hard that was for me to do. I wouldn't have done it for anyone else on this planet.

Although he was trying his best to maintain his cool confident persona, he cracked the briefest of smiles.

I realize just how far gone I am when the smallest thing he does makes me giddy with butterflies in my stomach.

"What's the next move Walker?" Casey asked in his usual stoic manner.

"We know Jacco has a meeting in Amsterdam this Tuesday. I intend to be there to get video on who he meets with," I say.

"That doesn't make sense. Casey and I can do that. If you're spotted it will blow the whole operation," Kate said as though I should have already known that.

I dug in readily accepting the challenge that Kate threw my way. "Ordinarily that may be true but I know Jacco and I know many of his associates. I will be better able to do the surveillance than any of you."

"I question that decision. We can gain the same info from looking at pictures. There's very little up side and a huge downside with you going to Amsterdam."

The look on Kate's face was infuriating to me. She knew she was right and her expression just oozed haughtiness. _I really dislike this bitch, I think_.

"Nevertheless, I'm going to Amsterdam," I said with finality.

"Uh, Walker, Tyler's right. It would make a lot more sense if you stayed here and let us take care of the surveillance," Casey said.

I began to get madder and madder with each word. I realize that my hands hurt from squeezing them so hard.

Just when I was about to respond to Casey, Kate played her ace in the hole.

"Chuck, what's you opinion?" Everyone turned their head to listen to what he had to say.

I knew what he would say because I knew deep down that Kate was right. I just let myself get caught up in this pissing match and could see no way out without losing my dignity. I prayed that Chuck would see what Kate was up to and would side with me. Then I would find a way to give in graciously after taking away the one thing she had been after all along, singling me out against the rest of the team. I have to admit, she did a masterful job of it. I wasn't even aware of her tactic until it was too late to back out. I realize now that Kate Tyler was someone who planned ahead and she could implement with the best of them.

"I have to say Sarah that I think Kate's right," Chuck said looking at me as though this discussion held no more meaning than who actually went to Amsterdam.

I am crushed, Kate had won.

I am also very pissed off. I look at Chuck as though he had literally stuck a knife in my back.

John Casey notices Kate's triumphant mocking of me and then notices the look on my face. He wastes no time.

"Agent Tyler, could I have a word with you privately?" he said puller her arm as he stood up. He couldn't leave my apartment soon enough. I watch as Casey practically drags her out of my apartment. But before she actually closed the door she shot me a little smile that said she had won. I could just scream. _I hate the bitch!_

I'm left alone with Chuck desperately trying to calm myself down. Had he just stayed quiet for another minute I might have been able to pull it off. But he couldn't do it.

"Sarah, what's going on?"

I glare at him and my anger flashes.

"How could you do that to me?" I ask standing so I could look down at him. My voice is raised and my fists are clenched. I'm sure Chuck can see the muscles in my neck straining against my skin.

Just as I knew he would be, he is completely shocked.

"What are you talking about?" he said trying to push himself back into the back of the chair he was sitting in.

"Don't give me that innocent act. You knew what was going on between Tyler and I and you sided with her. Is that the kind of partner I can expect to have if we stay together?" It was unfair and I knew I would regret those words and more but when I get this mad I have little control of what comes out of my mouth. When I get hurt this deeply, I want the person who hurt me to feel the pain as well. It's one of the reasons I tried to stay away from Chuck in the first place. I knew he didn't deserve this. But I know my inner demons as well.

"Sarah, I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"When your partner needs for you to come to her aid, she expects you to help not stab her in the back." My brows have drawn down to where I can see them. My teeth are clenched so tight my jaw hurts.

"Sarah, you asked me a question. I told you my opinion, nothing more and nothing less." Chuck stood out of his chair as he began to get fired up as well. He was not one to take being yelled at for too long when he didn't think he deserved it.

In an instant, I saw our future together filled with arguments such as these, my wild rambling accusations due solely to reasons entirely my on. It shocked me. It scared me. It caused me to take a step back.

"Chuck, you didn't see that Agent Tyler was baiting me?" I said my voice calmer.

"No, Sarah that wasn't personal. And I happen to agree with her assessment. It makes more sense to send Casey and Tyler."

"It may make more sense but it was the way that Tyler did it that makes me mad. She sat out to embarrass me and that's exactly what she did." I hold my breath hoping that he can see my side of this.

He took a step toward me. "Don't take this the wrong way, Sarah, but she could not have done that without your help. You should have just agreed with her and then that would have been the end of it."

I smile more to myself than to him. He doesn't know women very well. In a way it's cute. And it calms me down. I allow him to hold me pressing myself into his chest. _Besides, I think to myself, it really doesn't matter what she says, I've got Chuck and that's what makes her so green with envy she can't see me without looking cross-eyed. _

I had a few minutes alone with Chuck before Casey and Kate came back into the room. Kate may be conniving but she doesn't want to get into a game of chicken with me especially when I'm driving the larger car. I can hold my own with the likes of her.

That's why when Casey and Tyler walked back into the room, I made sure that Chuck and I were lip locked and going at it hot and heavy. When I knew she had got an eye full I broke it off as though I was extremely embarrassed to be caught in such a compromising situation.

But I made sure she saw the same little smile she gave me as she left the apartment ten minutes ago.

It gave me tremendous satisfaction to see the look on her face then. And just for the aftertaste. "Kate, after giving it some thought, you are absolutely right. It would be better for either you or Casey to go to Amsterdam. Work it out between the two of you and decide who goes. The other one can stay here. There's no need for both of you to go."

What could she say? There really was no need for the two of them. But it gave me great pleasure in knowing I deprived her of a night with Casey. She'll spend the night alone and all the while be thinking about just how much she hates my guts.

You want to play with fire, bitch…prepare for the scars.

X=X

"What is it you wanted to say to me?" I ask Kate Tyler sitting in my small living area. Casey is in Amsterdam and the three of us are working.

"What do you mean?" she asked as though she was completely surprised by my question.

"Look, you made sure that Chuck went to get the pizza. We could have had it delivered just as easy. They do that over here you know."

She leveled me with her most serious look. "Alright, you want to talk. I'm game." She refused to drop her stare. "You're bad news, bad news for our team, bad news for Chuck and bad news for anyone else you have to work with."

As much as I didn't want to admit it, her words stung, maybe because there was some measure of truth behind them, I feared. But I didn't respond. I learned from our last little contest.

"I'll give you credit for being a good deep cover agent. But the reason you're so good at that is the same reason why you're bad news for Chuck…especially Chuck."

I felt sick to my stomach. She was going to use one of the things I feared the most against me. I briefly wondered how she could have known how I felt. _She is one intuitive bitch, I think. _

"You're a lone wolf. You make decisions on the fly and you don't worry about other people. I've looked at your record".  
When she saw how quickly I turned my head at that, she added. "The parts that haven't been redacted."

"Make your point so we can get back to work," I say.

"Do you really believe that you and Chuck stand a chance? I mean really, Sarah. I can't think of two people any less suited for each other… and I'm not just talking professionally. The same problem you have on the job you have personally. Are you going to tell me you think that you are good for Chuck?" When she finished she just glared at me with the accusation written across her face.

I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't get my breath. But then I suddenly remembered Chuck at the airport. I remembered just how much he needs me. Not to mention how much I need him. It was a deep breath of pure oxygen to realize that Chuck needs me as much as I need him. It gave me strength.

"What Chuck and I have personally is none of your business. But I will tell you this. He is so remarkable that whatever hang-ups I may have; he will carry me through the difficult times." It felt good to speak the truth about our relationship. It felt like I had just released the Buick I had been carrying on my shoulders until now.

"Professionally," I said hesitating just an instant as I thought about it. "Only time will tell. But my guess is that he's up to the challenge there as well." I see that my honest approach not only deflated her argument, it has her completely off balance. So I decide to press the attack.

"Since we're speaking openly and honestly, let me ask you something. Isn't the reason you're so concerned about Chuck is because you can't stand the fact that he's in love with me?" I knew I didn't need to say more. Oh, I could have but I realized that a small prick would be just enough to start the gushing of blood.

She was speechless. I noticed that as she thought about what she was going to say, her eyes moved back and forth rapidly as she thought. That's when I knew I had her. Up until now she had always had an answer for me. I recognized her idiosyncrasy of actually thinking as a dead giveaway for having her unprepared.

"Don't flatter yourself, Agent Walker."

_That's it. I think. That's all you got. _I learned something else about Kate Tyler. She's not especially fast on her feet. She's an excellent planner but get her off her game and she's done for. I let her off the hook and kept the conversation to work until Chuck returned with the pizza. When he did, Kate and I were all business. Chuck had no idea that we had had another argument.

X=X

The one bright spot about this mission comes from my cover job. My boss asked me to stop coming by to see him every morning claiming that he was too busy. He did ask me if my boyfriend was still in town and I happily tell him that he had signed onto the project permanently. I smile as I leave his office knowing this cad will not bother me again.

My morning was busy at work. I couldn't stop thinking about Chuck and Kate alone in my apartment. Not that I didn't trust Chuck, but I certainly didn't trust Kate. But I try not to dwell on that. No need in driving myself crazy. Besides, I have to be able to deal with Chuck being in compromising situations because of our line of work. I realize that there is a huge difference between having him seduce someone like Justine for work and having someone like Kate entice him into her bed. It made me angry just thinking about it. But then I realize that the latter situation has more to do with Kate than with Chuck.

I had a lunch date with Justine at our usual café. So I worked through the morning and put thoughts of Kate out of my head.

The morning moves slowly but finally its lunchtime. Leaving my office and driving my little car to the café, I pull into the parking lot and see Justine's Mercedes parked in her usual spot. I get out of my car and walk into the quaint café, the wind playing havoc with the short white summer dress that I'm wearing. I take a quick look back at the parking lot and notice I've caught the eye of every guy there.

I found Justine in the usual spot. She had already had a drink or two by the looks of her.

"Aggie, it's so good to see you." I missed you," she said in French as she kissed me on each side of my face.

"Justine, I didn't think you would be back until tomorrow?"

"Daddy's business trip didn't go well so we came back early."

I couldn't help but wonder what that was all about. I can't wait to talk with Casey.

"I'm sorry," I say.

She dismisses my commiserating. "That's trivial. What I need to talk with you about is Arnaud."

I get an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Arnaud? What about Arnaud?"

"He's very upset with you."

"Upset with me, why?" I know why.

"He thinks you toyed with him. Remember that night you shared?"

"We just kissed. Nothing else. I never promised anything else."

"He thinks you did. You know how he is?"

I know how he is alright, demanding, juvenile, and ordinarily I would have said harmless but I'm not so sure after the party. I got a creepy vibe from him then. I wanted to push back because I see where this is going. But that isn't the kind of thing Aggie would do. It's what Sarah would do. So I'm stuck. Stuck with Arnaud manipulating Justine into coercing me into his bed. He played his trump card getting Justine involved. I try to think of any excuse I can to dissuade her but I realize it's futile when I see the look on her face.

Justine's answer to any boyfriend issue is to screw it into oblivion. And with the kind of boyfriends she deals with this method works surprisingly well.

Arnaud is the alpha male of all of Justine's friends. I've noticed with some interest that she goes out of her way to make sure he is happy. But as far as I know, that has never included inviting him into her bedroom.

"Justine, Chuck will have a fit. He simply won't hear of it. You know how Americans are about infidelity," I said playing what I already knew to be a weak hand.

"Then don't tell him," she said getting serious. "I don't want Arnaud unhappy."

"What about me?" I ask. "I don't want to sleep with Arnaud."

"Aggie, you will change your mind…trust me. I've had many good reports on Arnaud in the bedroom. Do it once and then he's happy and we can forget the whole thing." She looked me dead in the eye. "Unless you don't want to be my friend anymore," she said in her pouting voice to ease the sting.

And there it was…her ultimatum. Do it or get out. I see no way around this.

"OK," I say dejectedly. "When?"

"Arnaud will call you." She then beamed her brightest smile. "Aggie, you're the best."

X=X

I spent that afternoon at work obsessing about how I would approach Chuck with the news that I have to sleep with Arnaud to continue the mission. I thought of every scenario but came up with nothing agreeable.

As slowly as the morning went, the afternoon flew by. As I drove back to my apartment and Chuck, I had almost decided that I wouldn't tell him just like Justine had said. It would be the one secret that I would keep from him. But then it hit me what I was planning to do. And I wasn't talking about sleeping with Arnaud. No, I was talking about doing something much worse. Lie to Chuck. I knew then in that moment, that one moment that was perfect, lucid, clear…and painful that I could not lie to Chuck. And knowing that I knew what I had to do. I had to share it with him. Maybe together we could figure a way out of this mess without endangering the mission.

X=X

The mood in my apartment is somber. Chuck and I are on opposite sides of the couch facing each other as we often do when we have something serious to discuss between us. We are both in our pajamas. Mine are cotton and not very sexy. This occasion did not call for distractions.

Chuck and I have thought of every conceivable way out of this situation but nothing will keep me out of Arnaud's bed and not add risk to the mission.

"I should have realized that you and I would be in this position as long as we do what we do," Chuck said. "I've been with you for less than a week now and we've both managed to have this demand placed upon us. Is it always this frequent?" he asked.

"More or less. It's hard to quantify simply." It hurts me to see him so dejected. But the worst part of the night was when he simply said to drug Arnaud and tell him how great he was in the morning. That's when I had to tell Chuck that Arnaud always videos his conquests thereby eliminating that possibility.

I know it's killing Chuck to think that this jerk will capture for all time my having sex with him. And to make matters worse, I will have to pretend to enjoy it.

I have to admit after thinking about it that things are certainly more complicated because Chuck and I are together. If we were not, I would sleep with Arnaud and not give it another thought. It's easy to see why the CIA discourages this kind of romance.

At the end of the day, the two of us realize that there is nothing we can do to escape this. And as sorry as I am to put Chuck through this, I am so very proud of him for dealing with this like a true professional. I am also proud of myself for being honest with him. This will not be a pleasant memory for me or Chuck but at least we made the decision together. How many people will die if the flow of guns is not stopped? It's a sacrifice we both have chosen to undertake.

I look at Chuck and realize that I've never loved him as much as I do right now. I see from his expression that he's feeling a similar emotion. He holds an open arm out for me as an invitation to join him. I move to lay against his chest and shoulder as he wraps me into his embrace.

"I never understood before now what a horrible responsible you carry," Chuck said as he rubbed my head.

"We carry," I retort.

"Sarah, I just want to say-"

I turn and put my finger to his lips. I don't want to hear him talk. I want to feel his touch. I raise my head farther from his chest to look into his eyes bringing my lips close to his.

He continued to stare deeply into my eyes before dropping his gaze to my lips. He kissed my tenderly almost apologetically. We continued like this until gradually I feel his hand explore my body. I respond to his touch with my own investigation. Before my expedition is complete, Chuck stands and carries me into our bedroom.

I continue to kiss him as he carries me. I want him to know, with certainty that no matter what he and I are asked to professionally, that it does not, will not, ever impact how I feel about him personally.

In many ways, we are introduced to each other for the first time this bittersweet night. Chuck finally realizes for the first time who I really am.

And I get a glimpse of the agent he will become.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I took a lot more time with this. Many of you will notice that this may seem like it was written by a different person...it wasn't I assure you. I just took the time in the edit process to be more descriptive, to choose my words more carefully. My hope was a better written piece would offset the subject matter of this chapter for the diehard Charah lovers. I'm not sure there has been another story that has dealt with this issue as indepth as I have here. I could be wrong about that. I would like to hear if you enjoy this style over what you normally see from me or do you like my earlier style better. This is more work than three chapters written previously.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Eight

The water is hot and I savor each drop like a bombardment, a cannonade of relief clensing my skin from the guilt I'm not supposed to feel. I react as though I've been drugged-slow and sluggish in mind, body and spirit. My thoughts seem as opaque as the shower curtain which causes my brightly painted bathroom to look dark through the frosty barrier.

As I stand in my antique claw-foot tub with the curtain surrounding me, I think back to a few hours earlier without emotion. I executed my task as I had been trained. Anaud had no idea that I was performing mechanically with less emotional attachment than if I were peeling an apple or cleaning the toilet.

I did my duty to keep this mission on track, maybe saving the ass of some Middle Eastern man who would have me branded or even killed for what I did tonight.

Even with my training, I'm struggling with this. I almost always do. But this time it's worse. Because I know that Chuck's in our bedroom and although he appeared to be asleep when I came in tonight, I know he is not. And, if I'm struggling with this with all my training, I can't imagine what he's thinking.

In many ways in times past, Chuck's lack of training has helped him…but not tonight. This is the one area where all agents need training. I know that if Chuck had gone through the normal channels of becoming an agent for the CIA, he would have flunked out of the seduction segment. At least I like to think of him like that. But Chuck is nothing if not surprising.

Actually, I'm surprised that he went along with this in the first place. But after walking through all our options, and realizing how important it was to stay on mission, we didn't really have a choice. But still…I'm surprised. I can't help but worry that the CIA… that I, have changed him. Would he have agreed that this was necessary almost three years ago when we first met? After thinking about it as I watch the water swirl past my feet and down the drain of the tub, I conclude that he would not have.

I try to remember other marks I've slept with and find that I cannot. That's part of the training. But I doubt if I can forget about Arnaud so easily. Falling in love with Chuck has really messed me up. I know that and most of the time I don't care. Maybe I knew on some level what it would be like if I let myself fall in love with him. Maybe that's why I fought it so hard. But that's water under the bridge now. What's done is done. Now there is only one thing left to do.

I'm ready to get out of the shower, it no longer refreshes me. I hesitate because I'm afraid of that initial meeting. Seeing his eyes for that briefest of glances. The two of us realizing for that micro second, that moment between knowing, what has changed between us.

But there is nothing left for me to do but step out, dry off, get dressed and get passed this. But my getting passed this seems equivalent to swimming the Atlantic right now, the choppy waters rising and falling as I put one arm and then the other out in front of my tiring body. I'm alone and wondering if I have the strength to get to the unseen shore.

Nevertheless, I step out and dry off slipping into an extra long T shirt and open the door to the bathroom. I barely notice how the clean shirt feels against my newly washed skin. I hold my breath as I walk towards the closed door of our bedroom. Just as I begin to reach for it, I hear a woman's voice from my living area.

"Sarah, you have a second?"

I had forgotten that Kate had crashed out on the couch tonight. I turned to face her not sure what I wanted to do less, open the door to my bedroom and look into Chuck's eyes or talk to Kate Tyler.

"I won't keep you. I know you probably want to see Chuck," she said her voice not as bitchy as I remember.

Walking slowly back to her, I sit down on the end of the couch where she had scooted up to give me room. I sit there without speaking. This is her dime.

"I just thought you would want to know that Chuck's OK. I mean he's not happy but he's gonna be OK…don't worry about him." I see that she has a hard time looking me in the eye but she does so anyway.

"Thanks Kate. I appreciate that." I half laugh, half chuckle derisively. "I didn't know you had it in you to be nice."

"Don't get me wrong, Walker. I don't like you," she said her voice instantly edgy. But I don't kick someone when they're down."

I look at her without speaking. I respect her honesty. It is clear and pure in its own integrity. I don't have to worry about Kate Tyler stabbing me in the back. If she's going to stab me it would be in the heart…through the chest.

"Nevertheless, I appreciate you telling me about Chuck," I say and start to get up wearily.

"How are you doing?" she asks, keeping me on the couch.

I give her the look. "You know how it is. You know how I am. You've been there."

Kate dropped her head then. She looked at her lap for a long time. "You know, that's the part of the job I would change if I could."

I laughed without humor. "Tell me about it."

"I'm serious. I really dislike having to do that."

"I'm surprised. I thought you would-"

"I would what?" Kate said her voice edgy again.

I'm in no mood for a fight so I back down. "Nothing, I'm sorry about that." I see a side of Kate that I had not seen before and frankly it shocks me.

"You know where you went wrong with Chuck don't you," Kate said.

_Here it comes._

"You should have slept with him early on."

"I thought you said-"

"I said that I like that part the least. I didn't say that it wasn't necessary sometimes. It's clear to me that you should have slept with Chuck. You would not be in this mess right now."

I waited as I tried to organize my thoughts. "I couldn't. Chuck was the first really descent man I'd ever met. Maybe I could have before I knew him. But after…I couldn't do it. Knowing that I was taking advantage of someone so sure of what's right and what's wrong." I look at her before continuing. "Have you ever known anyone like that?"

"Just one man," she said softly.

I knew immediately he was someone close to her. "Husband or Father?" I asked.

"Father"

Kate didn't have to say anymore. I had seen it before. I knew that Kate's father was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He came into contact with our world. He met someone that Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public never wants to believe exists unless they are unfortunate enough to end up in a position like Kate's father. They only see the real world, my world for a second and then they're gone.

Suddenly, I know what drives Kate to be the best of the best. To excel at everything she does. To even dislike anyone who threatens that view of herself… that she is the best of the best. I realize that's why she doesn't like me.

We sit in silence for a while. "Well I've got to go," I say.

"Sarah, if you don't mind…could I give you some advice?"

I reluctantly agree with a shrug of my shoulder.

"Don't treat Chuck like he's your asset. Treat him like he's your partner. He's stronger than you give him credit for."

Normally, I wouldn't want Kate giving me advice about Chuck but this is far from a normal situation.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"It's never been my job to protect him. I see him differently than you do. You see him as needing protection. I don't."

I don't like hearing what she has to say but I know deep down to my most basic and fundamental knowledge that she is right.

She interrupted these disturbing thoughts.

"He can deal with this because he has to. He can always do what is necessary to do. He's very unique that way. Casey has come to see it. It's time you did too."

I know she's right. Chuck always comes through when he knows he's the only hope. Something just clicks in his head under those circumstances and he's able to focus.

I look at Kate. "How would you have me act?"

"Have you ever had to do this when you were involved with another agent?"

I immediately think of Bryce and that time in South America, Brazil it was. There was some tension between us but I didn't worry about how he felt. Bryce could be petty at times. Eventually, he came around.

_God, I've suffered ten times that already, I think. And I haven't even laid eyes on Chuck yet._

"Yeah," I responded to her.

"Act like that."

I remember being hard on Bryce afterwards. I knew that he was pissed at me. So I rubbed his nose in it, and he got over it. I see what Kate's saying, not that I would ever rub Chuck's nose in this but just don't coddle him. Make sure he deals with it up front so he can put it behind him.

I look at Kate with a little more affection. Or, at least a little less hostility. As female agents we share a common dilemma we all deal with. Some are better at it than others, but sooner or later a mission comes along that tests every female agent. Seduction is a basic part of the job description. But there is a stigma that we women have to deal with that the male agents do not. A woman using her body to get what she wants is looked at very negatively in our culture. And whether she has a personal or like Kate and myself, a professional agenda, a large part of society would look down on me for what I did tonight. Kate understands more than anyone how I feel right now. The confluence of emotions carrying me like a bi-polar roller coaster on greased wheels swinging from pride for doing my duty under difficult circumstances to guilt and humiliation for cheating on my boyfriend and feeling like a slut.

That's what the training is for, not to eliminate these thoughts but to deal with and overcome them.

I look at Kate and smile. Just as I start to thank her, the door of my bedroom opens and Kate's head snaps up in unison with mine to see Chuck emerge from the room.

His eyes lock onto mine without capriciousness, as he closes the distance between us. Kate moved from the couch, carrying her blankets with her, to the chair giving us room.

As he passed me, his hand briefly touched the back of my shoulder and moved to the front as his movement carried him passed me. But there was something in that sweeping touch that told me all my fears were ghosts, nothing more than wisps of ciphers. It seasoned my attitude and soothed my soul.

Chuck took Kate's spot and briefly smiled at her, silently thanking her for the seat.

We share a long wordless connection that involves much more than our eyes. And as I have come to appreciate, he lifts his left arm out to me, the arm closest to the back of the couch, in invitation.

I move toward the safety and security of Chuck's arms like the exhausted pilot of a wounded warbird having just spotted the small swaying deck of his flattop in the misty distance amidst the raging sea. In my world much like the desperate pilot's, this is the only port that can bring me home safely. Despite all of Kate's well intentioned words, I'm sure I would have cried my eyes out if she had not been in the room.

Chuck held me like this and time stopped. But like all things this void in time came to an end. Pushing away from him and resuming my original position, I sample his expression to substantiate his earlier favor. I'm rewarded with a smile that almost influences my heartbeat.

Time stagnates as I wait for him to speak. I know that if I open my mouth, I will start to apologize. And having Kate's advice still resonating in my ears, I know I don't want to do that. Besides, I have nothing to apologize for.

Finally, he saves me. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say as if there is nothing else to talk about.

More silence…one thing I'm good at is waiting for others to speak.

"You know what really bugs me about all of this?" he blurts out obviously frustrated.

My silence asks the question for me.

"It's that tape. Knowing he's got that is driving me nuts. I'd be a lot better off if that goddamned tape didn't exist.

"The tape," I say smiling. "That's what's bothering you about this?"

Chuck looks from me to Kate and then back to me. "Yeah, I mean I'm not thrilled about any of it…but we had no choice. I get that. I know why you had to do it. This tape just seems like pouring salt in an open wound."

Kate had remained silent since Chuck's arrival. "You know, I'm pretty sure we have the skill, the training and the motivation within this room to go get that tape." Her smile was absolutely nefarious. She raises her eyebrows at me in a silent inquiry for my approval.

I jump off the couch. "Hell yeah," I practically yell as I see Chuck smile at the idea.

Chuck looks at me in shock. I know my actions are out of character for me but I need to do this…for Chuck, and for me.

My emotions bubble over as I think about this mission of redemption, this reclamation of my dignity.

I run into the bedroom shouting back over my shoulder. "Get dressed. We only have about four hours until dawn."

X=X

The three of us wait outside Arnaud's bedroom window. Our black ninja-like outfits are tight fitting and have enough pockets to carry all the tools we need. It was surprisingly hard to get to this point. Arnaud's security system is sophisticated. Only someone with our skill could have done it.

The bedroom light went out twenty minutes ago and I'm waiting another ten minutes before going in.

"I want you two to stay here until I signal all clear," I whisper through the wireless.

"Wait a minute. You're not going in…he knows you. No pun intended. I'm the one who needs to clean the room."

_What did she just say? No pun intended. _I pirate a look at Chuck and see he's OK. That's when I understand what Kate is doing… she's minimizing my sleeping with Arnaud.

As much as I appreciate her efforts this is my mission and I'm calling the shots. Just before I tell her that I'm going in to clean the room, I notice Chuck watching me. In fact, he's regarding me carefully. That's when I realize just what I was about to do…again.

_Shit, I think_. _I'm tired of having Kate point out a better way to me._

I really don't want to admit that she's right. But that's better than having Chuck side with her once we start to argue about it. And I know he would, because it makes more sense having her do it.

"OK, but Kate." I wait for her to look at me. "Don't turn anything on until I get into the room." I stare at her hard in the dim light so she understands how serious I am.

She looks at me and nods before snaking off and is soon out of sight.

"How long do you think it will take her?" Chuck asks me putting his hand on my arm tenderly.

"Chuck, don't do that," I say pulling my arm away from his touch. "Not when we're working. I look at him. "I'm sorry but it's distracting."

He nodded smiling sheepishly at me. "Yeah, I know that. I'm off my game right now."

I smile at him. "Who isn't?"

"Just what was he doing?" Kate asks over the wireless with that infuriating tone of hers.

"None of your business Tyler. Just concentrate you your job."

"Roger that. Hold on," Kate said casually.

A moment later, Chuck and I both heard a thud through the wireless.

"Administering the medicine now…OK, he's out. Safe to come in."

I hurry to get back into Arnaud's bedroom with Chuck right on my heels. When we go through the French doors common to houses of this era and size, I see Arnaud passed out on the bed. I see the video camera still in the tripod beside the bed. I try not to pay to much attention to the bed itself. I can do without any flashbacks.

Chuck goes over to Arnaud's clothes lying on the floor and starts going through them. Kate is messing with the video camera and I look through his DVR system to see if he made a copy of our encounter.

Just as I'm about to declare the DVR system clean, Kate turns on the video camera filling Arnaud's bedroom once again with my counterfeit cries of passion.

Caught of guard, I'm too stunned to utter a sound.

"Turn that goddamn thing off Tyler," Chuck said as serious as I've ever heard him speak.

"Sorry, sorry," she said fumbling to find the right button.

The achingly awkward and spurious cries of pleasure lasted for a few more seconds before Kate found the right button.

Chuck moved quickly to the camera and pulled the memory stick. "Are you sure he didn't make a copy?" he asked as he snapped the little device into. He then pushed the camera over with enough force to damage it.

"It looks clean here but you might want to check his laptop," I say to Chuck.

Chuck is going through his wallet and stops. I recognize the look on his face and know that he just flashed on something. I wait for him to finish.

"What is it, Chuck?"

"Why would Arnaud have the business card of a Middle Eastern gun shop owner?"

"What?" I ask as I walk to him and take the card. "Sayeed Hauck, that's Indian isn't it?"

"It's certainly not Arabic," Kate chimed in.

"I don't know where he's from but I can tell you he owns gun shops throughout the Middle East," Chuck said.

"All of a sudden I'm starting to see Arnaud Mertens as more than a spoiled rich kid," Kate said. "Did you bring any bugs?" she asked me.

"Yeah, who do you think you're working with?" I asked smiling holding up the small device having pulled it from one of my pockets.

"Chuck, put this in his wallet. Stuff it deep so he doesn't see it. I'll put this one in his cell phone." I say.

"Sarah, does he have any liquor?" Kate asked.

"Look in the bathroom. He had some wine earlier." I regretted referencing our encounter but was too preoccupied with placing the bug in his cell phone to notice whether Chuck had a reaction.

Kate came out with an almost empty bottle of wine and one full bottle. She opened the full bottle and poured a little in the empty glass on the bedside table. She doused Arnaud with a little as well. She even forced some down his mouth. She dumped the rest on the floor and threw both bottles down beside the broken video camera.

"Are you sure he won't remember anything?" Chuck asked.

"No, he won't remember a thing. He'll just think he got drunk and made this mess," Kate said.

"How much of the night will he forget?" Chuck said.

Kate and I exchange glances. "Not that much, Chuck. He'll just think he got drunk afterwards, broke his camera and passed out," Kate said.

Chuck showed no reaction to the news.

I made one more sweep of the place and we left the way we came. Getting out of the residence was much easier than getting in so in twenty minutes we were in Kate's car driving back to my apartment.

"I'll call Casey tonight and get him back here tomorrow. We can figure out our next move once we're back together," Kate said.

I nodded my affirmation just as Kate stopped at my apartment. Chuck and I got out and began to walk towards my front door.

"Walker," Kate said from the car. "Get some sleep tonight. Something tells me we're gonna bust this thing wide open very soon." She drove away.

I knew that was her way of being nice. As I opened the door to my apartment, Chuck and I began to disrobe as we walked towards the bedroom. We were both exhausted. The pile of clothes littering the floor and leading into the bedroom could have easily given a visitor the wrong impression that Chuck and I disrobed in haste to make love. This night, nothing could have been further from the truth. We were both asleep within minutes.

X=X

For the second time since Chuck and I are together, I awoke with a start, not knowing who I was supposed to be, where I was and whose arms I was in. I can truly say that it was a frightening experience.

But then like a warm blanket, I am comforted with the knowledge that I'm lying in Chuck's arms. Like the first taste of coffee on a Sunday morning, I feel the satisfaction of my legs intertwined with his.

And as I became more aware of our relative body positions, I know that I am lying on his left arm. Depending on how long we've been laying like this it had to become uncomfortable. I smile when I think that that is just like Chuck to endure his own discomfort to make sure I am comfortable.

I reposition myself turning so that my back is to him and he unconsciously pulls me in closer to him. That's when it happened. It was on that morning, after a particularly difficult day before, I felt it. I've never experience anything like it before or after but I knew that it was real. As real as remembering something that had already occurred.

I knew that Chuck and I would make it. Make it till the end, that we had, together, what it took to last. Despite everything that we have had to endure and will endure, I knew that Chuck and I had what it took to overcome all adversities.

I've never felt that before…about anything or anyone, including myself. It was self changing. It was renewing in its power.

I laid my hands on his as they rested upon my stomach and felt a peace come over me that I had never known before. I turned over again so that I could look at his face. He was sleeping soundly and he looked like a dream to me. I so very gently placed my lips on his just to feel that connection that we always share when we kiss. It is electrifying and causes him to stir. His sleepy stirrings cause me to smile because he looks so cute.

I notice that dawn is approaching and just as the sun is ready to renew and give life to an infant day, I decide that I will commit and renew my love for Chuck. There is no doubt that I love him but my love has been reluctant, cautious in its willingness to take control.

I know it is my choice to make and I choose to relinquish control. Let my love for him take me where it will. Today, as I look at the sun's first ray's peek over the horizon, I choose to free myself of my reserve. I don't know what this day will bring. But I'm anxious to find out.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: OK, this lightens the story up quite a bit. A short chapter to redirect the story.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Nine

Team Bartowski and I are in Casey and Kate's hotel room in downtown Brussels. The four of us are working to establish the footprint of the mission now that we know that Arnaud has been implicated. It is essential to determine who is involved and who isn't.

I'm having trouble focusing as Casey talks about some of the various weapons that have trickled into the Middle East recently.

My mind withdraws to earlier this morning. At around 10:00 a.m., I was awakened by Chuck's surprisingly strong but gentle hands on my shoulders. I roll over to face him with a little anxiety about how the night before might change things between us. Especially, the facet I was pretty sure we're about to sample.

One thing led to another and I have to smile as I relive the end of our collaboration in my mind. I love to replay the great moments of our synergy.

"Agent Walker has been kind enough to supply the summaries before each of you," Casey said snapping my concentration back to the mission. But the pull of this morning upon my attention is too strong.

I had worried that something intrinsic might change between Chuck and me over the thing with Arnaud. But my apprehension melted away when I realized the texture of our relationship runs far beneath the rind. The thaw of my trepidation set my emotions free and groomed the rest of the morning.

And as great as our conference was, the time we shared afterward may have been even better. It was honest without internal reservation or external ramparts to keep each other at bay.

As we lay in bed, Chuck and I talked about our wants and desires and I felt as though I had been freed from the long incarceration of my true yearning. For the first time since I suspected that I had crossed the CIA's line and allowed myself to feel something for Chuck, I was forthright in my approach with him.

I hated to get out of bed but I knew that we had a meeting over at Casey's later so reluctantly we went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast.

While we waited for the bagels, we sat at the table drinking coffee, the legacy of our lovemaking still an aspect as I observed his shirtless form.

"Sarah, we might wrap this up pretty quick you know…what happens then?"

"I'm not sure about me. But Team Bartowski will most definitely be going back to LA. General Beckman has been calling my coordinator daily and is pressing to get you, Casey and Kate back as soon as possible."

"How did you find that out?"

"General Beckman isn't being necessarily discreet about her desires."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said smiling. He knew how the general could be.

"It's no big deal. We'll adjust to whatever comes our way."

"Sarah, you sound as though you're OK with us separating again?"

"It's not like I want that but I've had some time to think. And some of the conclusions I've drawn have given me a sense of peace about everything."

"Care to share with your boyfriend," he said smiling at me. He went to get the bagels and returned handing me mine.

"Sure," I said knowing full well that I was getting ready to drop the hammer on him. "I belong wherever you are, I know that now. But we have our own responsibilities to work through. It might take me a while before I can join you back in LA or wherever you are, but the point is…I will join you."

Chuck looked at me as though I had spoken in some code that needed deciphering. Suddenly, as though he had just broke the code, he looked at me with a hopeful expression on his face.

"You really believe that?" he asked.

"Believe what?"

"That you belong wherever I am?"

I can feel my smile growing as I look at his expression.

"Absolutely."

"So, agent Walker, what are you saying," he said coyly.

I couldn't wait to see his reaction to what I had to say next. I'm pretty sure he will not expect it. "What I'm saying, agent Carmichael, is that I've decided that I want you. Not just today or tomorrow. Not for any finite allotment but for always. Until we end. And, I don't just want a part of you. I'm not going to be satisfied with you giving me the part of you that makes me happy. I want it all, the good and the bad…for better or worse. Do you understand?" When I finished I looked at him closely to capture every facial change and to see his breathing accelerate. I'm thrilled when I see his eyes mist over. He started to speak but hesitated, his voice betraying his heightened emotions.

"You're not saying what I think you're saying?" he said seriously.

"That depends on what you think I'm saying." I smiled lovingly at him.

"You're not talking the 'M' word are you?"

"M word," I repeat as though I don't know what he's talking about. My smile gives me away though.

"Sarah, this isn't funny. Are you being serious?"

"What do you think?" I see he's way off balance.

He regains his composure quickly though. "I thought the CIA had a policy against deep cover agents marrying?"

"Someone's been reading the policy manual I see. There's always a way around any policy." And that's when I say it. I hadn't intended to…it just came out. "Ask me-I'll say yes." They were five words like any other words, but for Chuck and me, five very special words.

"Don't you think you're jumping the gun here?" he said flustered standing from his stool. He saw a side of me that he had never seen and was clearly not comfortable with the outgoing Sarah who spoke her mind about her love, about shat she wanted, about who she wanted.

I smile at him even wider than before, standing too, I step closer to him. "Ask me-I'll say yes," I repeated. I see his mind is swimming, desperately trying to stay above the surface as he claws with his hands and feet for precious elevation.

"Sarah, don't kid around about this. I know you can't get married. He took another step backward as I stepped forward.

"Chuck, ask me-I'll say yes," I said stepping forward again my expression matching the seriousness of his. I wanted him to know I was not joking.

Chuck had run out of room and had his back against the refrigerator. I step closer so I can put my arms around his neck. Standing on my tiptoes, I press my slightly open lips as softly as I can against his. I look deeply into his eyes all the while. I kiss him like this until I see his eyes close. I pull back only far enough to speak, my lips continue to brush his as I do.

"Ask me-I'll say yes," I said as breathlessly as I could.

He moved his head back to look into my eyes. He looked strong from one eye to the other. His expression was somber, appraising.

"I'll ask you to marry me when I believe you're serious," he said.

"You don't believe I'm serious," I said laughing.

"How can you say yes if it's against policy? I know you. You don't break the rules."

"What do you call us?"

No, no, no. I'm an agent now. Technically, we are not against the rules."

He had me there but I ignore that argument. Trying to think of a good comeback, I decide to stay with the one I had. "Ask me-I'll say yes."

"So, I propose that we each take a couple of marks, bug their phones and see what we find out. Pretty standard ceremony really," Casey said.

Casey's language of proposals and ceremonies had drawn my attention from earlier. I glance at Kate and see she's scrutinizing me with interest. When I feel the silly grin I have plastered on my face, I do my best to look professional. I know that Kate knows something is up so I do my best to forget about this morning for now. I know I have to concentrate on the mission.

Chuck and I are inevitable, that's clear to me now. But fate decided to help us out anyway that early afternoon in Brussels. Who knows, maybe after all of this time it was Chuck who needed a push to take the next step.

Casey had just excused himself to go to the restroom; Chuck had a set of headphones on listening to a recording of a phone conversation of Arnaud's we had just acquired. That left Kate and me. It's obvious to me that Kate has perceived something different about me but she isn't sure what has happened. I see her look from me to Chuck trying to ascertain what might be going on between us.

Just as Casey steps out of the bathroom, Kate decides to ask me a question. "Sarah, do you think we're close to wrapping up the mission?"

It was an innocent question as questions go. Why I chose to answer the way I did, only the stars above knows or why Chuck chose to take off his headphones at exactly the moment he did. But everything happened as though it were orchestrated by a higher hand. The conductor of the four spies in the room had each one of us play our parts with precise timing, the meter of the music driving each one of us to the climax of the score.

My answer was, "If you ask me, I'd say yes." But what Chuck heard when he removed the headphones was, "Ask me-I'll say yes." Maybe it was because like me, he had it on his mind still.

Chuck thought that I had been joking around with Kate about our little episode this morning and got his feelings hurt. In his anger, he decided to call my bluff right then, right there.

I see him walk towards me, he is angry but I don't have a clue why. When he stops in front of me and just before he speaks…his countenance changes.

He swallows hard as if what he is about to say is very difficult for him. I begin to worry…until he grabs my hand.

"Sarah Walker, this isn't exactly how I envisioned this but…will you marry me?" He said no more and waited.

I heard Kate gasp from somewhere but she seemed a thousand of miles away. I study his expression just to make sure he is not joking. I quickly see that he is not.

"Without hesitation or reservation my answer is yes," I said simply. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had rehearsed that answer.

His slow developing smile was never fully realized as he drew me towards him and kissed me deeply.

"Oh, great! Covert operatives in love," Casey said in his best deadpan voice. "Someone should write a song."

I ignore Casey. Not even he can spoil this moment for me. But he continues.

"Walker, did you have to drag Bartowski over here just to get some cheesy proposal from him?"

He was just being Casey. I didn't really care what he said. But something happened then that grabbed my attention, if I didn't know Casey so well, I might have missed it. But, I did know him well.

"Casey that's enough…now's not the time," Chuck said.

It wasn't that Chuck called Casey on it, I would have expected that. It was how Casey reacted to Chuck. He stopped talking.

It caught my attention like an auger, moving my curiosity ever high as I watched the dynamic between the three of them.

_Why would Casey listen to Chuck? I thought_. There was only one reason I could think of. I went over it again in my mind just to be sure. But when I was sure, I pulled away from Chuck and eyed him suspiciously.

I look at Kate and Casey with the slow dawning knowledge that I had been left out in the dark. That a very important piece of information had been withheld from me.

Looking at the two lovers standing side by side in front of their chairs just as I am, I turn my gaze back to my new fiancé. It suddenly occurs to me that I may have said yes to something I can no longer do.

"Would all field agents please sit down," I said as I took my seat. I watched Casey and Kate do the same thing with puzzled expressions.

I watch Chuck continue to stand as he looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

I rub my forehead as I think, _now what?_ I look up at Chuck with a mix of pride and complete exasperation.

"What?" he says in response to my expression.

"Did anyone think it was important to inform me of Chuck's rank?" I asked looking around the room.

"AIC, you know what that means don't you?" I ask Chuck.

He continued to stare at me.

"Technically this is your Op. You outrank me…you outrank us all.

"I knew that," he said as though it were completely unimportant.

What I didn't tell him and what worried me the most was now I had two CIA policies to get around if I was going to marry Chuck. Deep cover agents cannot marry and there was a strict nepotism clause between management and field agents. It was a solid rule.

_Where is that hand of the orchestra leader now, I thought. I'm going to need help with this one. _


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: A transition chapter. We're going to get to know Sarah a little better and move the story on to the next phase.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Ten

The atmosphere in the surveillance van is distinctively chilly. I feel more warmth from the red and green flashing LED lights on the instrument panels than I do from Kate. We're listening to a conversation between the three key suspects in the weapons operation, Sophie who is Justine's step mother, Arnaud and Justine. Just as Chuck suspected, Jacco does not appear to be involved. But his back story is interesting. He was clearly taken advantage of by his wife. She used his good name to maneuver and organize the whole gun running operation.

We are waiting for an electronic transfer of money that we will intercept along with a cell phone transmission giving the go ahead to ship the arms. At that point Casey, who has eyes on the cargo, will call in the local authorities to arrest all participants.

Kate has been less friendly after I accepted Chuck's proposal than before, if that is possible. We've been inside this van for almost two hours and not one personal word have we exchanged since we began.

Chuck had been called to a supervisor's meeting in Prague for something. He either didn't know or wouldn't say. I couldn't get it stopped even by saying that he was needed to wrap up my mission. It had the feel of something big. I can't get it out of my mind.

Just as I had begun to believe that Kate was not going to say anything the rest of the night, she started in on me.

"You know what really bugs me about you, Walker?"

"I have a good idea, Kate…everything, right?"

She ignored my sarcasm.

"I think you played Chuck, I think you played Casey and I think you played me to get what you wanted."

I didn't have a clue where she was going. "What is it you think I want?"

"Chuck, of course."

"I won't deny that but how did I play you?" I was really interested in what she thought. I was blown away by what I heard.

"I think you slept with Arnaud, to try to get me on your side as a fellow female agent. I think you acted as though it was traumatic to get me to feel sorry for you."

"What!" I'm instantly mad. Besides it didn't make sense. She obviously had no idea how difficult that was for me. "I can't believe you would accuse me of that." I was actually speechless and didn't have anything to say. I don't know if it's because Chuck was beginning to rub off on me or because I really wanted Kate to understand. But I try an entirely new approach for me. Instead of yelling and screaming, I try complete honesty. So I push my anger aside and talk with her.

"Kate, have you ever been in love?"

She was completely surprised by my question and by the soft tone of my voice.

"I don't see what that has to do-"

"It has everything to do with you understanding how I feel. If someone tried to explain this to me before I met Chuck, I would not have been able to understand, because I'd never been in love before."

"Casey told me you had a long relationship with another agent before being assigned to Chuck. Are you saying that you were not in love with him?" Her tone was still accusatory.

"Bryce and I had what you and Casey have. Would you call that love?"

"Casey and I are just killing time, nothing more."

"That's right and that's what Bryce and I had. We were bed buddies. I didn't know that at the time but it was nothing more than that. What Chuck and I have is…is, it's hard to describe. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him."

I see Kate regard me carefully in the dim light of the van. I know that she is undecided about me still. But I've clearly made an impact on her. "Bed buddies; is that what you call Casey and me?" Kate said with a hint of a smile on her face.

"I sometimes use another term," I say returning the smile.

"Does it involve the word _friends_," she said her smile opening up.

I watched her expression turn serious. "So, tell me. What is the difference between bed buddies and what you have with Chuck?" She seemed keenly interested. If I had had more experience along these lines I would have recognized that Kate was searching for more. She knew that what she had with Casey and a number of agents before him was transitory. She had come to know that she wanted more. My epiphany about Kate is that she was initially attracted to Chuck because he was not someone who was interested in a meaningless relationship.

"Chuck and I are bed buddies too, but that isn't the only reason we're together. There is a lot more to us than sex. Not that the sex isn't wonderful, but I would want to be with him even if we didn't have sex." I see that I have finally intrigued her with that comment.

"You mean that you're best friends?"

I see that she has a problem with the concept. "Yeah, I guess that's a good way to describe it. Look Kate, there's nothing I wouldn't do for Chuck…nothing."

"Even if that means leaving the CIA to stay with him…because that's what it's going to take for you two to stay together long term, surely you see that. When the CIA finds out about it and they will, they will stop it."

"Even if it means leaving the CIA. That will be my last resort but if I have to do that. I will."

Kate regards me skeptically. "That's easy to say."

"Well I'm not going to leave just to make a point with you. But if I have to, I will." I look at her and see that she's starting to believe me. But before I can really drive the point home, our mission interrupts our girl talk.

"Hang on, they're making the transfer. Call Casey and alert him of the impending cargo movement," Kate said putting her attention back to the job.

I did as Kate instructed and within five minutes we had the identity of the buyer, the seller and the middle men. We also had the accounts the funds transferred from and too. We had the cell phone call from Arnaud to let the shipment proceed. We had it all wrapped up tightly. This case is over.

"Tell Casey to call in the cavalry. It's time we get out of Belgium," Kate said smiling.

I returned the smile but my thoughts went to what was next for me. Kate, Casey and Chuck would be going back to LA but I had no idea where my next assignment would take me. It left me feeling more than a little apprehensive.

Justine, Arnaud, and Sophie would be going to jail for a very long time. They would never know who was responsible for sending them away. At most, I will be a pleasant memory for Arnaud as he rots in prison. As time goes by, he will forget what I even looked like. That's how it works for a deep cover agent. If we are successful, the criminals are never even aware of our existence.

Kate and I go about our jobs with little further discussion. We wrap up and I go home to write and file my final report. I hate the details involved with reports but I get busy and finish this one. After sending my report to my coordinator, I have some time alone before Chuck gets back. He had called earlier to tell me that he was on his way back to Brussels. I expected him in a couple of hours. That gave me time to think.

I remembered when I met Casey at Ellie's wedding. I remembered thinking that he treated Chuck differently then. That was because Chuck was his boss. I had to chuckle when I thought how he would have taken that news. I bet he had a couple of sleepless nights. I can hear him now. _The country's in trouble, Bartowski's in charge, followed by one of his patented growls. _

That reminds me of the happy-go-lucky side of Chuck's personality. I miss that. I would imagine that the weight of responsibility he's feeling as a supervisor has had an impact on him.

I think about Chuck's confident demeanor. I guess it would help one's confidence to be made a supervisor right off the bat. Casey's been working at this for twenty years and now he's working for Chuck. I wonder who was responsible for making Chuck a level 6, could it have been Beckman? I never thought she had much respect for Chuck. Something must have changed. I wondered what it was.

I then remembered his comment to me in his bedroom back in LA. He told me that he knew more about what I was doing than I gave him credit for. That's when it occurred to me that he probably had been keeping tabs on me. He could do that with his level 6 designation. When he gets back tonight I've got a few questions for him. I can't believe he's a level 6.

_Shit, he's a level 6, I think, astounded_. I have to figure out a way around the marriage dilemma, if I intend to keep my promise, and I do. I go to my laptop and fire it up. I pull up the secure website and enter in three different codes along with voice recognition commands and finally pull the policy manual.

I pour over all the relevant policies and look for any way around the rules. But I find nothing. Feeling like the situation is completely hopeless, I sit back and rub my eyes. I look at my watch and see I have a little more time so I keep searching for an out. After looking at the policy manual for almost another hour, I stumble on one of the general policies that apply to generic situations.

_All individual policies can be overridden by either executive order, by order of the Director of the CIA or by the head of the NSA or their designates._ I read that line with interest. I'm not sure how I can get any of these people to authorize a marriage between a level 6 supervisor and a deep cover agent, but it is a way out. I file this information away in the back of my mind and wait for my fiancé to show up.

I smile when I think of Chuck as my fiancé. I've come a long way from the woman who was too afraid to commit to him for fear that he would come to hate me. That seems silly as I think about it now. But back then, it seemed all too real. But my conversation with Kate shows me just how far I've come. I actually talked about my feelings. I know Kate's still not convinced but maybe she won't be making any bold accusations for a while. I was actually proud of myself. I was honest with her and me. _Watch it Walker_, _I think_. _You're liable to become a well adjusted woman_.

I expect Chuck in any time now, soon the phone rings and I see that it's him.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask.

"Sarah, pack your bags. We're going away for a few days." I hear the excitement in his voice.

"What's going on?" I ask him.

"You and I are going on vacation. Casey and Kate are going to tidy everything up here before going back to LA."

"Vacation? Chuck, what are you talking about?"

"Sarah, just pack your bags. We've got a flight to catch."

"Chuck, I can't just pack my bags. I need to know where we're going. I need to know what to pack. What kind of vacation are we going on?"

"Pack like you were going on a honeymoon." I hear the phone disconnect.

X=X

We have turned in my little car to the rental booth and are walking down the main corridor of the old airport south of Paris. I looked at the little hunk of metal as I walked away. It's hard to believe but I thought I'd miss that little car. It seems like only yesterday that I drove it down to Orly to meet Chuck. I look at the engagement ring on my left hand for the millionth time since he gave it to me almost ten minutes ago. I thought about saying no but how could I do that. I'd already said yes. But I will have to be careful once we get stateside. The CIA might look the other way if we're discreet and successful but don't flaunt it in their face. I look at my hand one more time. How did he know that princess cut diamonds are my favorite? I glance at him smiling and notice he's looking at me.

"I know we aren't supposed to be working right now but I promised that I would test these new radios while we're gone," he said handing me two little ear pieces.

I look at the earpieces quizzically.

"Just put them in your ear. The control is completely separate you can adjust the volume and even turn it off and on from this control," he handed me the accompanying control piece. "It should be much clearer."

I put the equipment in my ear. They were almost completely invisible to the average observer.

"Look, I'm going to the rest room. Meet me at the magazine shop over there when I get out, OK?"

I nodded and watched him walk away. "Nice ass," I say knowing he can hear me.

He twists it like a woman as he walks into the Men's Restroom. That's the Chuck I've come to love. I can't keep the smile from my face.

"Sarah, I'm turning off my mic. There's something going on in here I don't think you'd want to hear," Chuck said through the wireless.

I had to laugh but I silently thanked him for his good taste. I walk over to the large window overlooking the runway to the south. There are numerous crews working hard to load and unload baggage and refuel planes. Orly is still a very busy airport and since I rarely fly commercial I find myself watching the hustle and bustle of the scene outside with a little curiosity.

I thought about what Chuck was up to. I know he has something nice planned for the two of us. But I don't have a clue as to what it might be. But then I hear Chuck's voice in my earpiece. But what he says doesn't make sense to me.

"What are you doing over here? I thought we'd agreed to meet by the magazine stand?"

I look around trying to find him but can't. This section of the terminal had filled quickly with people traveling to and from their homes.

"Did you change clothes? Sarah what in the world is going on?"

I hear in the background of my earpiece but also from within the terminal as well. It had a stereo effect.

"Mother, he called me Sarah."

I look behind me and find Chuck standing before a blonde haired, blue eyed woman dressed in blue jeans and a T shirt. This felt like a twilight zone episode. I realize what I am seeing but it is so far from what I thought possible that I can't really believe it.

I move behind a support beam to watch not even blinking so that I won't miss any of the reality play that unfolds before my eyes.

Then, a blonde beauty approaching fifty years of age practically runs up to where Chuck and the younger woman are standing. And through the earpiece I hear the conversation. I also hear the raw emotion coming from the female voices.

"Mother, this man called me Sarah," she repeated.

The woman stared at Chuck almost imploringly. "Excuse me, why would you think my daughter's name is Sarah?" The older woman asked.

I'm sorry, it's just that I've lost my fiancé and she looks amazingly like you," he said pointing at the younger woman. "I thought you were Sarah."

"No, I'm Mary," the younger woman said.

"Is Sarah here with you?" the older woman said looking around the terminal. Her presence seemed frantic.

"Yeah, she was supposed to meet me over there by the magazine stand." He pointed to the magazine stand. He began to look around and almost immediately his brown eyes locked onto my blue eyes. After that, two sets of blue eyes followed his gaze to my eyes as well. I feel completely exposed as their eyes bore down on me. I see a host of emotions interview both faces as we continue to stare at one another.

I freeze in place. I cannot move. Evidently, they feel the same because we continue staring at each other from across the terminal. Fighting the urge to run away, which I know is completely irrational, I take the first step towards Chuck. I doubt seriously if I could have taken that step had he not been standing beside them.

I had taken about six steps when I thought of the circumstances that caused me to stay with my father and my sister to go with our mother. After step number eleven, I thought about how my life might have been different if I would have made a different choice that fateful afternoon. At step seventeen, I remember trying to find my mother using CIA assets with no luck. I never understood how that was possible.

After taking my twenty-third step, I stop in front of the two women. I give Chuck a hesitant smile and grab his hand for support before turning my attention back to the older woman. I see her glance at our clasped hands and give Chuck a faint smile. I know I have to say something but my voice will not utter a sound without giving away the emotional undercarriage that comes with it. So I hesitate. Finally, when I think I can eeck out the two syllables needed, I speak.

"Hi Mom."

**A/N: I have a request. (not demand) lol I would like to ask everyone who was kind enoough to review my fablescrapping chapter to go to the well one more time. My question is: Is the story holding up or do you feel it has slipped some. If it is holding up a simple yes would suffice. But if you feel it has slipped I would like some details. **

**Thanks,**

**LeeCan**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter as it is but I leave tomorrow for a week to do some work for my company. So it's close enough now. I didn't want to wait another week before finishing it. I hope you enjoy it.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Eleven

We walk into the hotel room we just obtained. Ellen, a beautiful but older version of Sarah and Mary practically drag Sarah to the Victorian era couch in the lavishly decorated room and place her between them. I follow behind still shocked and confused even though we spent fifteen minutes in the terminal, fifteen minutes in the cab to the hotel and five minutes in the hotel lobby talking about our serendipitous meeting.

Both of the women I've just met can't seem to keep their hands off of my fiancé. They each have said, 'I can't believe it's you' at least ten times apiece. Either her mother is touching her arm or her sister is grabbing her hand to hold. I feel privileged to be a part of this. I know how I would feel if my mother miraculously ran into me at some random airport in Europe. Or, maybe I don't have a clue.

When the excitement level in the room finally ratchets down to that of running with the bulls at Palermo, Ellen looked at Sarah and then me. "OK, tell me everything," she said smiling at her daughter.

Sarah looked at me and silently asked for help. I smile sheepishly telling her she's on her own.

Sarah took a quick glance at her mother then to her sister and finally looked at her mother again. "Well, you know Chuck, my fiancé," she said and hesitates.

"When are you getting married?" Ellen said. She looked at Sarah and then to me.

"We haven't set a date yet, that's complicated for us." Sarah was struggling.

"Complicated? What do you mean?" Mary said.

"We have a lot going on right now, don't we honey?" Sarah said looking at me.

I nod my head in agreement.

"We're just so busy with work and Chuck going one way and I'm going another. It's just really difficult right now."

"Oh, come on, Sarah. You don't let that stop you. Set a date and get married," Mary said moving her hands in animated excitement.

Sarah gave me a shy smile. I love to see that smile. I think that that is her real smile. Not any of the smiles that seem too dazzling. For some reason I think they've been cultivated by the CIA for their effect on the opposite sex. And even though I suspect the origins of those other smiles, they still have that same effect on me.

"OK, how did you two meet?" Ellen said.

"How did we meet, sweetie," she said clearly wanting help now.

"We met at work," I said simply. It was the closest thing to the truth I could think of. Besides, I don't see a reason to keep what we do from these two women. They don't need to know details.

"What is it you do, honey?" Ellen said.

"What is it I do, sweetie," Sarah parroted to me with a goofy look on her face and a tilt of her head.

She was more at ease with me speaking the truth about what we do than she was doing it herself. I doubt if she's ever told anyone outside the agency what she does.

"Ellen, Mary, you should be very proud of your daughter. She works for the United States Government and is very good at what she does. At first, I thought it was my imagination but as I studied the two women on each side of Sarah, I realized, for sure, that they had tensed up with my announcement.

"The United States Government…well isn't that something, Mary. Sarah works for the Government." She looked at the daughter most familiar to her as she spoke. It was obvious to Sarah and I that she was nervous about something.

"What is it you do, Sarah?" Mary asked her.

Sarah looked at me and almost pleaded for me to continue for her. I couldn't help myself. I had to step in.

"Sarah works for the CIA."

Ellen had been toying with her cell phone but at my announcement she dropped the phone on the floor. She was certainly not trained in hiding her feelings or emotions like her daughter because she had to try three separate times to pick it off the floor, due to her anxiety.

"Ellen, what's wrong?" Did I say something wrong?" I ask her.

Mary stepped in. "Mom, if we can't trust Sarah…who can we trust?" she said with real conviction. "Sarah might actually be able to help."

Ellen looked at me. "You met at work you said. Do you work for the CIA too?"

"Chuck's my boss," Sarah said.

"That's not true. I'm not Sarah's boss. I have a higher level but that doesn't make me her boss." I didn't realize she thought that.

"So you both work for the CIA?" Sarah's mother said almost as though it were an accusation.

I look at Sarah and I'm a little confused at her mother's tone but nod my head. "Sarah's worked for them for ten years. I just started a couple of months ago."

"Officially, but you've worked with me for almost three years now," Sarah said setting the record straight.

It occurs to me how meaningful that statement was by Sarah. She wanted the facts on table. She didn't want there to be any half truths. I smile at her letting her know that I love her.

But I notice that Ellen is upset.

"You know, I'm really tired. I think Mary and I need to get some sleep."

"No, Mother. I know what you were told before but if you can't trust Sarah who can you trust?" Mary's voice had risen in pitch as she repeated her question.

Ellen had put her hand over her mouth. She was obviously distraught and fighting back tears. I didn't know what to say or do since I really had no idea why she was upset.

"What is it Mom. I don't understand what's going on?" Sarah had put her hand on her mothers shoulder seeing her state of mind.

Ellen looked at Mary for a very long time and then at me as though she was afraid of me. She then smiled through honest tears at her long lost daughter.

"Mary's right. If I can't trust you…then none of this has been worth it anyway."

Ellen took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Jack and I separated in August of eighty nine. You girls were seven years old. But shortly after that, he skipped town with you," she said looking at Sarah. "I had the police look for you and I even hired a private detective when the police failed. Bet we never had any solid leads."

"We went to Cleveland and then to Wisconsin and finally California. Dad was always good at hiding his trail," Sarah said grabbing her mother's hand.

Ellen nodded her head in acknowledgement of the information. "Anyway, time went by and I finished my education and I had an interview in Washington with Senator Berston."

I watch Sarah's brow furrow at the mention of Senator Berston's name. Even though it means nothing to me, I see that it is meaningful to Sarah somehow.

Ellen continued. "What I didn't know at the time was that Senator Berston's assistant called Mary to reschedule the interview but Mary forgot to give me that message. So when I go to speak with the senator, I give the security officer my interview letter as a pass as I was instructed and he let me in." Ellen took a look around the room to see if we were all listening. That was unnecessary at this point since everyone knew that something extraordinary occurred.

"When I get back to the Senator's offices, I notice the place is empty. I feel odd about this but I'd never interviewed for a senator before so I didn't know if this was unusual or not. I've often thought if I'd have just turned around right then and there none of this would have happened."

She took a deep breath and I see that she was reliving whatever had happened to her on that day.

"Anyway, I walked to the large reception area and from there I can see the senator's offices. I saw the senator struggling with a man and then the senator dropped like he had been drugged or something. I screamed and when I did, the man saw me. We locked eyes but he must have known that I could reach the security guard before he could reach me. I ran out of the offices and told the security guard what I had seen."

Ellen took a drink of water that Mary had just sat in front of her. I notice just how close mother and daughter are at this moment. I catch Sarah's eyes and see that she notices too. And although Sarah tried to hide it from me, I know her too well. I see the faint and quick look in her eye that said she knew she had been robbed of that same closeness years ago. Robbed by the choice of a fourteen year old girl to stay with her father instead of going with her mother and sister.

"The security guard investigated and didn't find anything out of the ordinary. In fact, he told me that my interview had been rescheduled and that there was no one in the office today. He completely dismissed my report."

"The next day I heard that Senator Berston had died of a heart attack at his home. I went to the police to tell them what I found and they dismissed the case as well. The autopsy showed clearly that there was no foul play."

Sarah and I exchange looks and I see again that this story is more meaningful to her than to me. I've seen that look in Sarah's eyes. I know that she is deep in thought. I know that there is much more to the story at this point.

"You saw who killed Senator Berston?" Sarah asked her mother.

"You say that as though you know for sure he was killed," I say to her.

She looked at me dismissively and then back to her mother.

"Did you get a good look at the man in the senator's office?" she asked. Agent Sarah Walker was on the job now.

"I still see that face in my dreams. I'll never forget that face."

"Mother, what did he look like? Describe him to me."

"He was big, maybe six foot two and two hundred and twenty pounds. He was black and the thing most notable about him was his narrow set eyes. But here's the main thing. Two days later, I'm moving this large mirror out of my bedroom to the storage closet when the mirror just shatters. It just disintegrated in my hands. That's when I hear the bullets hitting the wall. I don't know how he missed me but he did." Ellen grabbed a Kleenex from the box sitting on the coffee table.

Sarah had grabbed her mother's hand again in support. It was obvious that retelling this story was reviving old emotions for Ellen.

"I reported it to the police and there was a huge investigation. The next day I was contacted by an agent Whitley of the FBI. To make a long story short, Mary and I were placed into the witness protection program."

"Witness protection! What on earth for?" Sarah asked. As she did she stood and walked over to me and sat down on the arm of my chair. I grabbed her around the waist to steady her. She held my hand and squeezed it. I knew that Sarah had come to me for support. That somehow she suspected that what she heard next was going to be difficult.

"Agent Whitley believe that our own government was responsible for assassinating the senator. It had something to do with his support of Cuban relations. The FBI suspected that the CIA was involved. That this man I saw with the senator worked for the CIA.

I felt Sarah's hand go limp in mine at that statement. Her expression was one I had never seen before. That was something rare to me at this point.

Sarah stood from the arm of my chair and began to rifle through her wallet. She pulled out a picture and looked at it longingly. As if, in just a few seconds everything she thought she knew about whoever's image was on that picture, would change irretrievably for the worse.

Sarah walked over to her mother. "Is this the guy?" she said holding out the picture to her mother.

The gasp we heard was answer enough. Ellen looked up at her daughter trying to speak.

"How do you know-?"

"His name is Arthur Graham. He's the man responsible for bringing me into the CIA," Sarah said looking from her mother to me.

I see that she is affected by this more than I would have thought. I didn't realize until just this moment how highly she regarded her former boss and mentor.

She pitched the picture into her mother's lap as though she was pitching away a favorite piece of clothing that she had just discovered had an irremovable stain.

"I always thought he was one of the good guy's," she said.

"Sarah this is the man that we have been hiding from for ten years. You cannot say anything about our meeting," Mary said to her sister.

Sarah and I look at each other in amazement. I realize that I need to close my mouth.

"Mother, Mary…Art Graham has been dead for almost a year. I would have thought your FBI contact would have informed you. I doubt seriously if there's a need to stay hidden."

Ellen stood and looked at everyone around the room. "This man is dead?" she looked at the man in the picture.

"Yes, I attended his funeral." Sarah looked at me realizing that I didn't know this. "But I don't want to take any chances. Let us make sure your problem died with Arthur Graham. I will look into this. Don't call me until I let you know it's OK," Sarah said realizing that they had already exchanged phone numbers.

"Sarah, I'm in a better position to make those inquiries. If there are more people involved, having the daughter of the woman in question asking questions isn't to smart. I can do it without attracting as much attention." I am rewarded by a show of teeth the shines unfettered love.

"You know, this answers a question I've thought about ever since I first joined the CIA. Why did Arthur Graham choose me? I mean, almost every one of my peers are hand picked out of college. I always wondered why I was different. Now I know."

"What do you mean?' Mary asked.

It hit me what Sarah was getting at and to be honest, I always assumed she had gone on to college like Bryce. But now after hearing the story, it was clear what Graham was up to.

"Graham chose me to join the CIA so he could be close to me in case my mother or sister ever contacted me. In that case he would have finished the job and I would have never known anything about it."

There was silence in the room as we all considered what kind of individual that would be to befriend someone with the intent to kill their mother.

"OK, enough of this. You have a lot more to catch up on. Let's table all CIA talk and move on to something else," I say as everyone got quiet.

"That's right. I want to know everything there is to know about my daughter," Ellen said looking much more relieved and relaxed than before.

"Like what?" Sarah again looks to me for help.

"Tell her about high school or…" I realize that Sarah didn't have that much she could speak openly about. Her whole adult life had been lived in and around the world of espionage. "Tell her about High School," I said again.

Sarah told her mom where she went to school and what she did in San Diego. I learned a few new things as well. But not that much. Again the conversation stalled.

"Mary, would you take Sarah and get us something to eat. I don't want any hotel food. There's a lovely Chinese place I saw on the way here. Did you see it?"

Mary nodded her head and grabbed Sarah's hand and pulled her to the door.

"We'll be right back," Mary said smiling at me.

"Uh, see that you are," I said feeling as though I was about to go before the inquisitioner.

After the sister closed the door, Ellen looked at me warmly. She was silent however, as she choose what she wanted to say.

"Tell me about my daughter, Chuck. I'm guessing you know her better than anyone."

"Sarah's a good person. But she's lived an unusual life and that life has had an impact on her. She finds it very difficult to trust people. To be open and honest with them."

"You two seem like an unlikely pair. How did you gain her trust?"

"I came across some information a while back. Information that the government thought was valuable. So they sent their top team to protect me. We started working together under those conditions."

"I don't understand. Are you saying Sarah was sent to protect you? Like, physically protect you?"

I nod my head in response. "Sarah is one of the best people the CIA has." I watch as Ellen takes this information in.

"So, am I to understand she's like Arthur Graham?"

"I won't deny that Sarah's had to do things in the past that might make some people afraid of her. But Sarah has a good sense of what's right and what's wrong. In her line of work and this is something I've come to appreciate recently, she has to make choices between what's good for the many against what's good for the one or the few."

"I know a lot of her issues stem from leaving with her father," Ellen said.

"Jack has his faults but I know he loves his daughter."

"You sound like you know him."

"Yeah, I know him. We've met."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure that was an experience."

"Jack is one of a kind."

She smiled but her expression quickly grew serious. "Chuck, I want to be in my daughter's life. I don't want this to be a fleeting thing. I'm worried that because in many ways we're strangers, that she won't be willing to reach out to me."

"Ellen, I know Sarah. One of the things that drew her to me was how close I am to my sister. I know that she's longed for what I had, a family. This is her chance. She will not give up on this opportunity. She's always known that with her father she would never have that. But now…she has a chance for family. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Ellen smiled warmly appreciating my support. I marvel at the person who created the woman that I love. We talked about a number of things mostly just what Sarah liked and disliked. I told her about olives and there's no way she will eat sushi. But I had to admit that even after three years with Sarah; I still knew comparatively little about her.

In the middle of my story about a hiking trip that we went on, in walked the two sisters. They each carried take out bags from the Chinese restaurant and laid them on the table in the kitchen area.

"What do want sweetie?" Sarah asked me. She looked at me and smiled.

"I don't know, what did you get?" I said walking over to her.

"Orange Beef, Shrimp Egg Rolls and an order Crab Rangoon."

I put my arms around her waist and kiss her on the neck. She almost jumped out of her skin. "Not in front of Mom," she said.

I looked at Ellen who didn't care in the least that I kissed her daughter's neck. I thought for a split second that Sarah didn't care if I kissed her neck in front of her mother but I was distracted by the silly smile that Mary gave me.

"You two make a really great couple," Mary said.

"Thanks," Sarah and I said in unison. I look at her quizzically because we almost never say the same thing at the same time. Sarah always thinks about what she's going to say before she says it.

The food was good and it felt great to see Sarah loosen up with her family. After we finished eating, Sarah sat on the arm of the chair that I sort of reserved for myself. She occasionally rubbed my neck and slid her fingers through my hair. I love it when she does that. We talked late into the night and had a wonderful time.

Finally, Sarah stood and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the chair. "Take me to bed, fiancé of mine," she said.

I looked at Ellen and Mary a little embarrassed. This wasn't really like Sarah to be so demonstrative. Especially in front of other people. But Ellen just smiled at us and Mary looked at me with a rather intense smile. She had done that all night long.

We had the adjoining room and Sarah went into our room first after kissing her mother and sister on the cheek and telling them goodnight. We had made plans to meet for breakfast the next morning but everyone had to catch our flight out then having postponed it as long as we could.

After saying my goodbyes, I followed Sarah into our room and closed the door between our rooms. It was late and we were both tired. She went into the bathroom to get dressed for bed. I was a little surprised when she came out with one of the teddies I had bought for her to go on the trip.

Although I had no intention of starting extra curricular activities as tired as I was, seeing her in that outfit gave me some ideas.

She got into bed and smiled at me invitingly.

"OK, I'm going to get ready, I'll be out in a minute," I said and hurried off to change.

When I came out, Sarah was asleep. _OK, I thought. I guess I misinterpreted the situation. _

I crawl in bed and roll over to get comfortable. In a moment, I feel Sarah drape her arm around my waist and scrunch up next to me. She starts to rub my chest and I get back in the mood quickly. I roll over and begin to kiss her when I hear Sarah's voice in my ear.

"Hey stud, are you really gonna take my sister to bed?"

I had completely forgot about the wireless plugs still resting comfortably in my ears.

My eyes pop open wider than I think they ever have as I look into the eyes of apparently Sarah's sister, Mary. She's smiling from ear to ear. Her lips not a quarter of an inch from mine.

"Sarah and I have always been able to fool anyone. Apparently, that includes you as well." Mary giggled in complete delight at the charade.

I hear a knock on the door and I can't get to it soon enough. I open it and see both Sarah and Ellen looking at me with wicked smiles.

"There's something seriously wrong with all of you," I said as I went back to the bed and got under the covers.

The three of them stayed for about ten minutes rubbing it in but just before leaving, Mary and Ellen apologized for the prank and asked me to forgive them. I couldn't say no.

Afterwards, Sarah made it up to me.

During her apology I found myself wondering if this was my fiancé or was it the first blonde that was in my bed tonight.

I realize that marrying an identical twin might have it's complications…as though I need that.

**A/N: Thanks to everyone that has taken the time to review. It is such a rush to read them. I also appreciate the honest critiques. Thanks again.**

**LeeCan**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Interested in some feedback on this chapter, good or bad. You know me...I have a little experiment going on. I would like to understand what you think of this chapter. Not looking for I liked it or didn't like it. But rather I didn't like it because...

According to my outline I have four chapters left and an epilogue. Thanks to all who read.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Twelve

I'm not very good at showing my feelings or especially, talking about them. But watching my mother and sister leave for America was one of the most gut wrenching things I've ever done. I kept telling myself that I know where they live and I have both of their cell phone numbers. It's not like I'll lose touch with them again.

But when they turned the corner of the on-ramp and disappeared from sight…I felt like I couldn't breathe. I shed a rare, genuine tear. At first, I tried to hide it from Chuck but I should have known that I couldn't hide my feelings from him. When he put his arm around me, I buried my face in his chest and cried.

They really weren't tears of pain. It was more that I needed to rid myself of this emotional energy caused by meeting two people that I honestly thought were dead, two people that tore a hole in my heart when they were separated from me those many years ago. I still couldn't believe that I ran into them here in Paris. Or to be more accurate, that Chuck ran into Mary.

Thinking of Mary made me smile. I couldn't help it after the trick we played on Chuck last night. Mary and I always looked so much alike we could fool our mother at times.

Chuck and I met Mary and Mom for breakfast before their flight. Mary loved teasing Chuck about it. Mary is probably the only woman in the world that I would willingly let get into bed with Chuck. Our time together was bittersweet. I was happy to see them but I was already starting to miss them knowing they were leaving within the hour. I know that they felt the same way.

"When will we see you again, Sarah?" Mom asked me.

"I'm not sure…Chuck and I have just finished this thing and we have to figure out what comes next." I said looking at Chuck.

That's what we're going to do now," he said.

_At least I have a pretty good idea what this vacation is all about._

"Ellen, Mary, here's my number as well," Chuck said giving my sister and my mother a cover business card with his phone number on it. If for any reason you can't get a hold of Sarah and need to, call me. I should be able to get a message to her."

I watched as my mother smiled honestly at him. I knew she was grateful for that gesture.

We ate and reluctantly said our goodbyes.

Chuck and I had another couple of hours before our flight. I still didn't know where he was taking me. Oh, I could have found out if I wanted but it was fun letting him take charge of the trip. It added excitement to it.

We went into a lounge and sat down to kill a little time.

"You know, it will be good to get back home," he said wistfully.

"Yeah, it will." I didn't tell him that I didn't know where home was. I guess Washington was the closest thing I've ever had to a home, not counting my time in LA.

"Sarah, I've got to come clean with you about this vacation. It's not completely a vacation. We need to discuss some things and I got General Beckman to spring for this trip."

"Beckman, what does she have to do with it?"

"She's my boss…you know that."

I give him a look. "Of course, I know that. What I mean is why is she involved with our vacation?"

"Like I was trying to tell you, this is a working vacation. I have a proposition for you." Chuck says looking at me no hint of a smile on his face.

"OK, tell me. What is it you have to propose?" I saw the funny expression cross Chuck's face but my choice of words was lost to me at that moment. It wasn't until later when I had relived what I had said that Chuck's expression became meaningful.

"I wanted to wait until we were on the beach before we started talking about this but I can't wait any longer. It's just so important that I have to know what you think right now."

He sat there looking at me with this contemplative look on his face. I waited for him to tell me but he kept staring at me.

"Would you tell me already?" I finally said the exasperation clear in my tone.

"OK, here's the deal. We have a decision to make. You and I, together, you understand."

I nod my head as the weighty nature of this conversation began to sink in.

He looked around to make sure we were alone. Satisfied, he continued. "I have been given approval to offer you a partnership so to speak. The CIA is rebooting itself much the way I did. They are rethinking everything."

"Go on," I have to say to him.

"How would you like to work with me-?"

I didn't let him finish. I was out of my chair and practically fell into his lap as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips. "Chuck, this is what I've dreamt of ever since you came to Belgium. How did you get Beckman to go along with this?"

"Hear me out, Sarah." It was the way he said it. It was the tone of his voice that caught my attention and made the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up. Time seemed to stand still as I waited for his next sentence.

"There is a catch. I didn't know this earlier but I've recently been made aware of certain rules the CIA and the NSA have against married agents."

"Goddamnit Chuck, if you don't tell me in the very next words out of your mouth what's going on I'm going to strangle you," I had to look around when I realized my voice had risen to the point where people had begun to look at us.

"Bottom line is we can work together but we can't get married. The CIA will look the other way as far as our feelings for each other but their, "don't ask don't tell" policy doesn't work when you've got a ring on your finger and you last name is Bartowski."

I had been a good agent my whole career. I had always followed orders even when it made me unhappy. Like the last couple of years pretending not to care about Chuck. I looked down at the ring on my left hand, the ring that Chuck had given me. I had said yes. I meant yes.

The CIA was not going to rob me of this.

"What if we get married, what could they do to us?" I don't know why I said that. I knew the answer.

"I asked the general that very question. Do you know what she said?"

"Sure, we can't stop you from getting married but I doubt if either one of you are happy when one of you is on assignment in Siberia while the other is at the South Pole." Chuck looked at me seriously. "I'm telling you Sarah that was no idle threat."

I nod my head letting him know that I understood.

"Sarah, let's talk about it in detail when we land. I've went to a lot of trouble to get us this time off. Can we discuss this then?"

"On one condition, you tell me where we're going?" I say and give him my most serious look.

"Monte Carlo…ever been there?" He said his expression smug.

I have to laugh to myself because even though Chuck is a level 6 with the CIA there are still a lot of things he's so naïve about.

"Chuck, I'm a spy. Asking me if I've ever been to Monte Carlo is like asking Keith Richards if he's ever been high. Of course I've been to Monte Carlo…all spies have." I saw the drop of his face and realized too late that that was the big surprise. He was taking me to Monte Carlo for a few days of rest and relaxation on the white sands. When I realize my mistake I try to backpedal.

"Chuck, I love the Mediterranean. Monaco is one of my favorite places. I will love it." It didn't help. _Shit, Walker sometimes you can be such an ass. _

I watch Chuck look at his watch and realize that our time was getting away from us. We hurry back to the gate in time to hear the boarding for first class. Paris to Nice, if I recall it's just under an hour and a half flight.

We get right on having upgraded to first class. Chuck still hasn't said a word. I'm starting to worry that I've hurt his feelings worse than I thought.

"Sarah, it just occurred to me just how much more experience you have with the world than I do. I thought this would be a special time for us but I realize that it's just another trip to Monte Carlo for you."

"That's where you're wrong. It's the first trip to Monte Carlo that I've been on with my fiancé. That's what makes this trip special. We could have gone to Hoboken and as long as I'm with you, it will be special."

He smiled at me. "Thanks for that," he said grabbing my hand. "But I'm serious. Forget about the rebooting crap and who I work for now. The fact remains that I'm one lucky bastard. I'm way out of my league with you."

"Chuck-"

"Sarah…I get it. I know you love me. You can't know how that makes me feel. But come on…just look at us. One of us looks like a supermodel, literally and the other one is a nice looking guy. Please don't argue with that assessment."

"I've never cared about the way a guy looks. I look at the total package." I thought I was speaking the truth.

Let's see, you dated Bryce for two years. He's an averaging looking guy. Then I know you were attracted to super stud secret agent Cole…what was his last name?"

"Barker," I said and realized that I had made a mistake.

"See, he did make an impression on you."

"OK, sure. I remember his name. But I chose to stay with you. Have I ever told you how hard he tried to get me to leave with him?

"No," Chuck said a little put off.

"Well he did. He practically begged me to run away with him. Something like, _just close your eyes and say yes,_" I said imitating the way I remember him saying it.

Chuck snorted. "That sounds just like Cole."

"The point I'm making here is that I chose you. I chose you over Bryce. I chose you over Cole and I chose you over my job, when I was on that plane. If you can't see just how deeply that vein runs inside you…you need to reboot yourself again." My voice had risen. I pulled my hand from underneath his and looked away from him. I was tired of defending myself when it came to being too good for him. I decided that today would be the last I heard of this. The rest of the flight was spent in angry silence as my folded arms, drawn brow and sulking disposition testified to.

X=X

I would have liked to have said for Chuck's sake that the view of Monaco on the Northern shore of the Mediterranean was breathtaking. But the truth is…I've seen it more than I can recall. But I was impressed when after flying into Nice, one of my favorite cities; Chuck rented a helicopter to take us into Monte Carlo. That was unexpected.

We checked into the Hotel Fairmont which I had stayed at before but had no unpleasant memories of the place. As we walked into the hotel in the early afternoon, I took a second to take in the splendor that was Monaco. The ancient city built into the mountains. The sun-baked, classic architecture of old, Southern Europe was so apparent to this tiny principality. The narrow streets snaked their way up the mountain side like veins bringing lifeblood to the small country.

Chuck hardly stopped to throw our luggage on the floor before going out on the stone patio and taking a seat by our own private pool. He is obviously anxious to talk about the proposal he has for me. I have to admit I am excited as well. I think that a stateside assignment where we can live together and go home to the same house every night would be great. Even though Chuck is a level 6, I doubt seriously that they are going to have him do deep cover work, or that he would want to.

"Sarah, sit down here. I want to tell you what this is all about. I'm stoked and I'm pretty sure you're gonna be too."

I sit down on the lounge chair closest to him and wait for him to start.

"Here's the deal. The CIA is changing. The world is changing and the threat to America is changing. We have to change with it. So, The CIA wants to create a pool of CIA deep cover operatives, small teams of two to five people who work specialized missions."

You know when you think you're going to hear something but in fact you hear something entirely different. And there's that small space between what you thought you were going to hear and the realization that what you're hearing is very different. That's where I was for the longest time refusing to accept what I should have known Chuck had already told me.

"I've been authorized to form a deep cover team. We would take on long term missions where we go deep and do whatever is necessary to get the job done." He stopped and smiled at me in much the same way he did when he proposed.

I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

"Wait, let me get this straight. Are you asking me to be on your deep cover team?" I already knew the answer but I had to ask the question anyway.

"That's right. Just you and me. We'll specialize as being a couple or two people otherwise attached. That will be the type of missions we'll get sent on."

He sees from my expression that I'm not as elated as he thought I would be.

"Sarah, what's wrong? I thought this is what you've always wanted. The two of us together."

"Chuck, when I was setting on the plane getting ready to leave you, for good…if you would have told me about this scenario then I would have been the happiest girl in the world.

But when I allowed myself to let you in, to create just the smallest crack in my armor, it started a change in me that I would have never thought possible."

"I don't get it. Just say what you're not saying," he said.

"I want a life with you, Chuck…but not this life. You asked me to marry you," I said looking at my ring. "That's what I want. I want the American dream. I want to have it all. What I don't want is to have another Arnaud. The life you're proposing is not the life I've decided I want," I said not believing the words that came from my own mouth. It felt like an out of body experience. Like I was listening to someone else saying those words. Someone I barely knew. In a way that's exactly right. I don't know the new Sarah Walker very well. I look at my fiancé and realize that I'm not sure if I know him as well as I thought. He seems really excited about something that he has tried to run from for as long as I've known him. And just when I've come to a place where I want what he had always wanted…it appears he's changed his desires too.

"But Sarah, this is a life with me. We can be as good as married. We can be together all the time. Living the kind of life other people only dream of. Just look around," he said.

My eyes never left his. "But how much of who we are do we sacrifice for that dream? Chuck, I know this life. I've lived it. It is an honor and a privilege and a curse." I look at him to gage his position accurately. "If we have to sleep with other people to get the job done it doesn't seem like it's that close to being married to me."

"Sarah, married people cheat all the time. It's just for us we will be doing something good because of it."

That's when I realized that the CIA had finally done it. They were beginning to change this fun loving innocent man that I fell in love with to being a spy. I can't describe to you how that made me feel. I don't have anything to reference it to. Not even the loss of my mother and sister so long ago touches the way I feel right now.

In desperation I begin, "Chuck, lets get out of this business. Let's just go back to LA and find ourselves jobs, let's get married and start living the life we always longed for." My voice was pleading at this point. I see that Chuck realizes that I'm telling him no.

"Are you saying you aren't interested in doing this?" he said his expression of disbelief evident.

I didn't know how to respond. If I said yes and he said fine he'd find someone else then what do I do. If I said no, I'm just the same as condemning the two of us to a life that I'm pretty sure would ruin what we have together. But being in the panic mode always clears my thinking.

"Are you saying that this is the only way we can be together?" I waited hoping that this could be steered away from what would surely be a disaster for the two of us.

He turned around away from me with his head down and in his hand. He spun around to look at me as though he was not able to understand my language.

But then he smiled.

"No, I'm not saying that. Sarah, you've got me confused. I was certain this is what you wanted. I'm just shocked that it isn't. But I'm elated. I never wanted this life. I just wanted you."

Thank God. I let him see the relief on my features. "Chuck, are there any options for us other than deep cover?"

"I don't know. I mean, yeah, I guess. I just thought that that was what you wanted. Everything I've done is because I thought you wanted it. And I wanted what made you happy."

It felt good to say it. "No, that is not what I want. I want you. For the rest of my life."

I stood as he did and introduced my lips to his. The meeting was long and passionate. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that this was a scene befitting a movie. The young couple kissing against the backdrop of Monte Carlo nested into the mountains. If this were a movie it would end right here with happy music playing to signify that the couple would live happily ever after. . But it isn't a movie. Chuck and I still have issues to address if we're going to get married…and that's what I want, those issues have to be taken care of.

When we finished, I looked into Chuck's eyes hoping that this was the moment where we finally understood each other. Where we could say that we wanted the same things, tangibly.

"Call Beckman, straighten this out. Let her know that we want to do something besides deep cover," I said with my hands on his chest and watched him comply.

His conversation did not go well. I wish I could remember it more clearly but essentially we had been summonsed back to Washington for a chat not only with General Beckman but a slew of other leaders as well. I had waited until he finished the call.

"When do leave?" I asked.

"Right now or as soon as I can make arrangements."

"Is the General upset?"

"Yeah, I would say on a scale of one to ten she's at thirty seven."

"So, there's no way to stay for even one day?" The smile on my face showed the devilish streak in my personality. I watched his smile match my own nefarious quality.

"I would say we are already in deep shit. What can it hurt? I've never stepped foot in the Mediterranean. Last one to the beach talks to Beckman when we get back," he said already running to change clothes.

**A/N: I again want to thank everyone for their support. I am finishing an outline on a novel I'm excited about. I may have to bid you all adieu after this story. I've really enjoyed my time here and have learned alot. Many of you are responsible for that edification process. Thanks again. **

**LeeCan**


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: OK, I hope I don't embarrass myself with this. I submitted this as written. No edits. I am struggling with time.

I've got one more chapter if I can pull it all together. It's complicated so there is a possibility that I will need an epilogue to straighten everything out. I hope you enjoy.

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Thirteen

Chuck had been instructed to come to the pentagon for the meeting with Beckman. I looked at him as we ran up the steps to the front of the building. His movement was agile and elegant. I had a hard time remembering the lanky, gawky, nerdy man that I first saw at the Buy More. Chuck was no super-spy like I'd run across before but he was a competent agent and I could not help the smile that touched my mouth as I considered his history.

We go through the first security checkpoint and we flash our badges and are let through. We repeat the process at the second checkpoint with a little more scrutiny of the badges. Chuck confidently plays the part of an agent and I'm not sure now if he's playing the part or if he has become that guy.

Finally, we come to a conference room waiting area and check in with the receptionist. She makes a phone call and alerts someone that Agents Carmichael and Walker have arrived.

Chuck and I take a seat as instructed. I look at him and notice for the tenth time this morning how good he looks in all black. Chuck never was as skinny as he let on. I had grabbed his arms on numerous occasions and was always surprised at the mass I found hidden under that white, short sleeve, Buy More shirt. But now, I'm sure he's working out. He has definitely added some muscle to his frame.

"How do you think this will go?" I ask him nervously. It is not lost on me how our positions have reversed themselves since I first met him.

"I don't have a clue. Sarah, Beckman was really pissed when I told her we had a change of plans about going deep cover."

I try to keep from looking too nervous about this meeting. In fact, I'm sitting on pins and needles as I wait for Beckman to see us. As much as I try not to think about how this meeting will effect my life, I can't help but contrasting the next five years working deep cover somewhere in Asia Minor against going home everyday to the man I love right here in Los Angeles.

Chuck turns to me and smiles. It's a nervous smile. I know that he is anxious too. I wish I hadn't noticed that because it fuels the fire to my own internal nerve furnace.

After a moment of silence, he reaches over and grabs my hand. "It'll be Ok," he says smiling. "I'm going to take care of this."

I smile at him reassuringly. I wish I was as assured internally. "I'm sure the general will listen to reason," I say and cringe inside. I've never know the general to listen to reason or otherwise once she's made up her mind.

"The general will see you now," the receptionist said to us and motioned for us to enter the conference room through the door on the left.

Upon entering the room, we see General Beckman, Walter Stone, head of the CIA's mission planning department. And, a number of high ranking military personnel most likely associated with mission planning as well.

One look at the general tells me the kind of meeting this will be. I don't think I've ever seen her scowl before.

"Come in, Agents Carmichael and Walker. Have a seat over there," she said pointing to the only chairs left vacant in the room.

"Thank you, General," we said in unison.

I look around the room and see a typical conference room in the pentagon. The off white walls are either just painted or have been cleaned meticulously. The four paintings hanging on each of the walls are of a Navel vessel, a fighter jet, a battle tank and of a small group of soldiers.

The mahogany conference table is massive in its proportions and the chairs we sit in are equally thick as well. There is no intricacy just functional design.

I notice that everyone in the room has a cup of coffee setting on official military coasters. I wonder if Chuck notices that we haven't been offered any.

The general eyed Chuck and I silently for a moment before she started to speak.

"I hope you realize just how much we've bent over backwards to accommodate the request of a field agent for…less than official reasons," she said looking around the room.

"I do General and I want you to know just how much I…we appreciate this opportunity." Chuck looked at me but did not smile. He realized that any show or display of feelings between us right now would not be advantageous.

"The problem I have with granting your request is that we have all of our agents in place, or almost every one of them. I understand your request and why you're making it but honestly Agent Carmichael, don't you think it's late in the game to change assignments?"

"General, we understand this is an unusual request but Agent Walker has been doing deep cover assignments for closing on ten years. I didn't realize that she was looking to do something different when I volunteered the two of us for this assignment. All we're asking is that you place us stateside, together. I know we can provide a valuable service still."

"That's not the point, Agent Carmichael. You know we're developing a whole new approach with the intelligence community and it's critical that we get this program off to a good start."

"I would have never volunteered for the deep cover assignment had I known Sarah's true feelings."

"I don't manage the national security of our country based on the feelings of one of our agents, Agent Carmichael."

"Well maybe you should," Chuck said his voice rising just a bit.

I grabbed his hand under the table a squeezed it, hoping to calm him down. One thing I know is that he didn't want to get into a pissing match with the general. He gave me a brief smile. I knew that was his way of letting me know not to worry.

"What I mean to say general is that when your agents are happy they will do a better job than when they're dissatisfied."

"My agents better damn well do their best no matter how they feel."

I decided to step in. "General, if I can add something here. I've been doing this for a long time now. I know you've been briefed on my latest assignment. I had to do something to hold that mission together that I've had to do more than I care to think about and frankly I'm tired of doing." I continued to look at the general since she was the only female in the room. I know she knows what I'm talking about.

"We all appreciate the sacrifices you've made for your country, Agent Walker but-"

"General, if I can continue. I'm at a place now." I look at Chuck briefly. "In my life that I'm not willing to do that anymore. I don't mean to be defiant but it's just the way I feel."

I watch the general lean back in her chair and throw her pencil on the table. "I see." She scratched her eyebrow as she thought. "I'm sorry Agent Walker. The fact remains that I cannot make decisions based on how an agent is feeling about certain aspects of the job. I hope you understand."

I could only nod my head. It is clear to me what the general's decision is going to be.

"General, before you actually decide, I want to make sure that you have all the facts before you," Chuck said in a more serious tone.

The general's raised eyebrows was her question.

"I'm just going to come right out and say this." Chuck looked at me with that protective expression I've seen from him recently. "I care more about Sarah than I do about this new program. And I can tell you that my effectiveness will correlate to how happy she is in whatever assignment she's given."

The general leaned forward menacingly. "That sounds an awful lot like a threat to me Agent Carmichael."

"Not at all, General. It's basic human psychology. Companies know if their employees are happy then they are going to be more productive. I'm just saying that goes double for me when it comes to Sarah's happiness."

The general looked at the other military folk inside the room and finally rested her eyes on Chuck. "I'm going to do you a favor Agent Carmichael. I'm going to consider what you've said after I've had a chance to cool off. I don't think you'd like my decision right now."

"Thank you, General." We said in unison again and got up to leave. On our way out, the general stopped us.

"Stop by tomorrow at fifteen hundred hours. I'll let you know my decision then."

"Thank you, General," he said once more and closed the door.

"Are you crazy?" I said. "You don't challenge a two star general and think you're going to win," I said. Deep down I was really impressed with how he stood up for me.

"Look, we were headed for deep cover. I didn't think we had anything to loose." He grabbed my hand and held it as we walked through the pentagon. I was self conscious as hell but we only had a couple of people look at us.

Checking out of the pentagon is as big a deal as getting in so about forty five minutes later we were in the car driving to my apartment.

X=X

"How's your mom?" Chuck said after I hung up the phone.

"Glad to be back home. She's doing great. I can't wait to get out to Indiana to see her."

"You gonna shower first or should I? We're meeting Casey and Kate in two hours," Chuck said from my couch in the living room of my apartment. I stood in the kitchen.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot," I said as another thought came to mind. "Why don't we share the shower…save time?" Chuck's devilish grin matched my own as we made a mad dash for my bathroom. Each of us began to disrobe as we ran. I giggled like a school girl as I beat him to the hall way. I felt his hands sweep across my shoulders and back as he tried to catch me.

I love taking showers with Agent Carmichael.

X=X

"Will this be satisfactorily?" the hostess ask as she led us to a table in the middle of the restaurant.

"This is fine," Casey said as he pulled out the chair for Kate.

After we were all seated, Kate looked at me with eyes as large as saucers. "I heard what you and Chuck did at the pentagon today. Are you crazy?"

"I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I hardly said a word. It was all Chuck." I looked at him and smiled. "He's become my protector," I said only half jokingly.

"I'm impressed, Casey. When I said I wanted Italian I had no idea you could get us into Tosca's. How'd you swing that?" Chuck said smiling at his old partner.

Casey shrugged. "I know a guy," he said with a straight face.

I had to laugh. I'm sure that was the honest to God's truth.

"So, when are you going to find out what Beckman's gonna do with you?" Kate said to me.

"Tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. We're supposed to meet her in her office."

"My guess is Antarctica after the stunt you pulled today," Casey said with a wry smile on his face.

"What could they possible need two spies in Antarctica?" Chuck asked with a laugh.

"Who said anything about two spies? My guess is you'll be on two different continents for sure after what you pulled."

I see Chuck getting upset so I step in. "Can we change the subject. I heard through the grapevine that you two have decided to maintain your partnership. You guys get along that well?" I asked Kate.

They looked at each other wordlessly but I think I see something there. I can't believe it. Kate and Casey…? "You've got to be kidding me?" I said. "You guys are-"

"Partners," Casey said stoically.

Kate and I exchanged smiles. If Casey saw us he didn't let on.

"So, where are you going? Do you know yet?" I ask.

"Russia, we are going long term. All I can say about it is it has to do with oil."

"That's great you two. I know you'll do just fine. You seem to make a good team," I said and watched them smile at each other.

"When do you leave?" Chuck asked.

"John and I have a week off before we fly out. We both need to take care of some personal things and then we're gone."

"How deep are you going?" I ask Kate.

"Deep. This assignment will take at least a couple of years. It could take as many as five or six. But the potential payoff is huge," Kate said and listened to Casey grunt. It was his way of telling her she had said enough.

The waiter came and we ordered drinks and then our food and then before we knew it, the evening was coming to an end. I looked at John and Kate a number of times and really couldn't believe how things turned out for them. She was young enough to be his daughter and gorgeous and John was…well he was John Casey. Nothing more needed to be said about that.

Just before we left the table the conversation turned serious.

"Chuck, what will you do if Beckman decides to split you and Sarah up?"

"She's not going to do that. You forget that I'm still the intersect. I may not be the only intersect but I am the only human intersect. I'm still very valuable. If they want me playing nice they will keep me happy."

"I've never known the military to respond well to threats. I'm concerned you've made a misstep here," Kate said.

"I've already decided that if I have to quit, I will." I know those words coming from my mouth was a shock to everyone at the table. But the smile on Chuck's face made it worth it.

"Really, you would quit?" Casey looked like I had uttered something unintelligible.

"If they leave me no other choice," I say.

"The only reason I joined to begin with was to have a shot at Sarah, so yeah, I'll quit too," Chuck said as if he was talking about the weather and not uttering the most heartbreaking words Casey had ever heard.

"Good luck to you both." Casey spoke with no overt emotion but it was clear that he meant those words which touched my heart. I leaned over and hugged his neck. I realized all of a sudden just how much I would miss John Casey.

Everyone said their goodbyes and we departed. Chuck and I went to my apartment and I overheard John and Kate saying they were going to her apartment.

On the drive back to my place, I spoke to Chuck about my fears. "I know you are willing to leave the CIA for me but will you be happy leaving the CIA?"

"Sarah, I'll be happy back at the Buy More as long as I have you in my life." He smiled at me and when I looked away, he tugged at my sleeve. "I mean that. Wherever you are that's where I'll be."

"Deal," I said smiling broadly.

As we walked into my apartment, I noticed immediately that I had a message on the machine. This could only mean CIA business because that's the only people that would have this number.

I listen to the phone message and then put the phone down and look at Chuck.

"It's Beckman. She wants us to come to the Pentagon. She said she would be there all night."

We get back in the car and drive the hour and a half to the Pentagon and another thirty minutes getting through security. But finally, we meet the general out in the lobby to her office. She greeted us and then escorted us into her office.

We sit down across the desk from her. When she sat down she stared at us for an uncomfortable moment.

"You don't know how close I was to splitting you up. But two things happened after our meeting this afternoon. First of all, Dr, Collins one of our profilers reported that he believes that the both of you will quit rather than be split up."

I watched General Beckman observe both of us and then smile as if to say to herself that the good doctor had been right. I'm not sure what she saw in our response but it was enough to assure her that the CIA profiler was correct.

Secondly, we need to start an overt operations office in LA. And since we have every other agent assigned somewhere else except for you two…it seems like a good fit." The general stopped and gauged our non verbal responses.

Mine for one was ecstatic. I couldn't have dreamed up a better scenario for Chuck and myself.

Chuck looked at me and got my silent approval. "When do we start?"

"Not so fast. There is one bit of information I need to explain to you although in your case I doubt if it is a hindrance."

We waited for her to continue.

"You will have to get married."

"What?" Chuck and I said in unison.

"Fake married, of course. But you will have to get married."

"I don't understand, General."

"I'll explain everything tomorrow over the phone. Tonight, I want you on a plane out to LA. You've got a wedding to plan."

Chuck and I got up to leave in absolute shock. But my shock was about to magnify by an order of magnitude.

"Oh, Agent Walker. Make sure and use that name. I've been looking at you file and I see Walker is you cover name. Use that and the marriage will not be legally binding."

My mind is racing. I can't believe this is happening. I go through all the possible pitfalls in my mind and come to the conclusion that this will work. I just need to stay cool.

"General Beckman, let me get this straight. Are you ordering me to marry Chuck Bartowski and that I should use my cover name of Sarah Walker?"

It probably took the general no more than three seconds to answer my question. But to me, I could have lived three lifetimes waiting on her response.

"That's absolutely correct. Any other questions?"

I know Chuck is looking at me and he knows something is up. I look back to the general. "Thank you Ma'am. We'll be going. Is there any particular time when this marriage has to take place?"

"As soon as possible, Agent Walker."

"Very well, thank you Ma'am," I say and practically drag Chuck out of the general's office.

Two and a half hours later, we're on a CIA jet to LA. We both sleep on the plane. Chuck has been unusually quite and I know why. I told him that Sarah Walker was my real name. Now he's just heard the general just say that it is not. I want to tell him the truth but I'm just too excited. I'm afraid that just by saying it out loud, I will somehow jinx myself.

No, I've got to keep this to myself at least until after we're married. Then I will tell him everything.

My head is spinning. I've got about forty eight hours to plan a wedding. I know Ellie will help me. I look at my fiancé and can't believe my luck. After all of this time, I owe the one man that I thought for most of my life with the CIA, was beyond reproach, only to find out he was actually using me so that he could find and kill my mother and sister.

Sometimes the stars align, even for people like me.


	14. Chapter 14

Well this is it…my swan song. With this last post, the bittersweet emotions I'm feeling are strong. Bitter because I will miss a good number of people that I've met on this site. And sweet because I am working on a novel I am really excited about.

Although I've learned never to say never, I doubt that I have time for fanfic. I expect to be working on the novel into 2010.

OK, here's the part where I blatantly ask for your help.

When it comes time to land an agent or a publisher, I have to write and submit a query letter. In this letter I will need to talk about previous books published and their sales. For an unpublished writer this is problematic. I'm thinking about saying something about my fanfiction writing and the popularity of the stories I've written here. Now here's the rub. I want to distinguish myself at this point. So I am asking each and every one of you, if you liked this story please let me know. Write a review and mark it as a favorite. If you can review every chapter better yet, then I will have some facts to use in the query letter. Go to my other stories and do the same if you like. It may not have an impact but then maybe it will. I've learned to use every advantage I can find. In a very real way you can possibly have an impact on a writer's career. I would really appreciate your support.

There is no question that I've developed as a writer during my year here. My first draft quality is much improved. I really appreciate the opportunity to refine my skills and to hear important feedback from many of you.

I want to say one last thing. I write and hopefully one day will publish under the pen name of Lee Cannon. Hence the LeeCan name. If you ever see a book published by this author you'll know it's me.

Feel free to contact me at any time through the site. Actually, I invite all of my friends to drop me a line from time to time. I'll let you know how it's going with me. You can do the same.

Goodbye and good luck.

LeeCan

**A/N: I am a Sci-Fi/fantasy writer. The Dresden Files is the closest thing I can think of to what I do, although that's not a good match either. In this my last Chuck fanfic, I think you'll see a hint of that genre coming out in the end of this story. Oh, I never thought this had to be said but this is an AU. **

A Time for Honesty

Chapter Fourteen

Chuck and I flew to LA and told Ellie about our plans to marry. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so happy. She squealed and three dogs barked simultaneously down the street.

Two days after our arrival, I'm sitting in her apartment going over wedding plans with my soon to be sister in law. And the best part of this is- I am really and truly marrying Chuck Bartowski. For reasons of his own Arthur Graham had me use my real name as my CIA cover name. I've surmised so that it would draw my mother and sister out in the open if they ever tried to find me.

General Beckman has no idea that by ordering me to marry Chuck using the name of Sarah Walker, she has in effect overridden the 'no marry' clause for both CIA deep cover agents and level 6 agents.

So day after tomorrow when Chuck and I say our vows they will be real. I can barely sit still thinking about it. I look at the ring on my finger every thirty seconds. I'm not sure how Chuck knew, but he gave me the ring I had always imagined having when I was a teenager. When I asked him how he knew he had said that he didn't remember for sure but that he thought I had told him or describe it to him at some point. I know I never did that.

Anyway, I sit here with Ellie waiting for Chuck and Devon to come back from getting some wine and beer. Chuck and I are going to tell them what we are really doing out here and what we've done for the past three and a half years.

Chuck is so excited I think he might wet himself. Seriously, I think I should have brought some depends. But he has dreamed of this day for as long as I've known him. Just like I've dreamed of the day we will share in two days. Ever since I threw my phone number to him from the plane, I've thought of little else. I guess when I let the walls come down for an instant there was no repairing them. I shutter to think where I would be right now if I had done otherwise.

Chuck and I are having a simple wedding. Ellie talked me into wearing a traditional wedding gown. I had opted for a nice dress and had Chuck wear a coat and tie. But there was no arguing Ellie out of a tuxedo and wedding gown for our wedding.

So yesterday Chuck and I went to pick out our clothing. It was surprisingly hard. But after shopping all day, we both had suitable wedding attire.

I smile when I think how nice Chuck looked in his black tux. Just as I think back to the wonderful day we shared together, Chuck and Devon walk through the front door laughing.

"Hey, the two prettiest girls in LA right here in our living room," Devon said in his enthusiastic manner.

Chuck followed him in nodding his head in agreement. The guy's put the beer on ice and opened a bottle of wine. Ellie pulled out the cheese platter that she and I had prepared while the guy's were out.

We sat down at the dining room table and Devon did the honors with the wine.

"Toast, we need a toast to the happy couple," Devon said raising his glass. "To Chuck and Sarah, never have I known two people who were absolutely meant to be with each other."

We all took a sip.

"Ellie, Devon, that's a perfect lead in to what Chuck and I have to talk with you about," I say.

"Yeah, uh, that's right. Uh, well. I've dreamed of having this conversation with you and now I find it strangely difficult to begin. Uh, it's you see-"

"Chuck and I work for the CIA," I said cutting in. "We have ever since you've known me." I look at Devon and then Ellie waiting on their response.

Ellie's smile turned to a puzzled expression as she tried to understand my statement.

"I'm sorry, Ellie," Chuck said. "But Sarah's telling you the truth. I was recruited to work for the CIA at the time Sarah first showed up here. At that time, she was my bodyguard. As things progressed, we grew closer than just coworkers."

"I don't understand," Ellie said. "Is this a joke?"

"No, Ellie. It's the truth, I swear," Chuck said.

Ellie looked from Chuck to me, her mouth hanging open as she tried to take it in. "For over three years you've been lying to me?"

"Ellie, I'm sorry. It was the hardest thing about the job. But we were working undercover and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone who I really worked for. I lost sleep over it El, I really did." Chuck had those sad puppy dog eyes working to the fullest.

But Ellie wasn't ready to let us off the hook yet. "So, early on…your dates…that wasn't real?"

"Ellie, I've loved Sarah since the first date we went on together. But initially, Sarah was just doing her job."

"That's not fair, Chuck. I can honestly say that the time I've spent here with you and your family has been the happiest days of my life."

As Ellie continued to look at Chuck, gradually her expression of anger lessened and she began to look concerned. "Is your job dangerous? I mean could you get hurt?"

"That's the thing Ellie, Sarah and I are coming to live in LA and we are going to be in a CIA office out here. It's completely overt."

"And there's no danger?"

"Well, I-"

"Ellie, I can't lie to you. I wouldn't say there's no danger but what we will be doing is far less dangerous than what we've done for the past three years," I said taking over for Chuck again.

"Dude, that is so cool," Devon said "Babe, you always wanted Chuck to do something with his life and it looks like he has." Devon raised his glass and Chuck kissed his own glass against Devon's.

"Awesome, Chuck," he said. Ellie and I followed suit as the ring of wine glasses touching each other made us smile.

Everyone began to talk all at once as the excitement in the room was almost solid. After a number of questions from Ellie, some we could answer and some we couldn't, I knew I had one other issue to put on the table.

"Ellie, there's something else I need to tell you. I have a mother that I've just recently become reacquainted with and a twin sister too."

"Whoa, you mean there's someone else out there running around that looks like you do?" Devon asked.

"You wouldn't believe how much," Chuck said giving me a knowing look.

The next couple of days went by like a whirlwind. But I had a blast. Mom and Mary flew in and we spent almost every free second together. I asked Mary to stand up with me at the wedding. I thought Chuck was going to object saying he wanted to make sure he married the right girl.

Finally the day of the wedding came for Chuck and I and then just as suddenly the wedding itself.

It was an azure sky at early evening. The sun began to consider its farewell. A small crowd of family and friends had gathered at a familiar beach. Chuck and I spent our first night on this beach.

"Do you, Sarah Walker, take Charles Bartowski to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the pastor said.

I tried to repeat the two words that I had just heard Chuck utter but find myself to be tongue tied. It was actually frightening. And then I heard a voice as though it came from a tunnel, a very long tunnel far away. I could barely hear the consistent sound.

And as it continued, it grew louder and louder until I could make out a voice I recognized. It was Chuck's voice.

I returned my attention to the pastor and tried to speak. All I had to do was repeat those two words and I would be a married woman. But the voice in the tunnel grew louder and more insistent yet.

Finally, with a determination that only comes from an intense desire, I turned to the pastor and said, "I do."

As the voice in the tunnel was almost loud enough to distinguish the words, I heard the pastor say, "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife."

I began a teary smile and I leaned in to kiss my husband. But at that moment I understood the words from the voice in the tunnel.

"Sarah, are you alright?" Sarah, are you alright?"

I'm confused because I recognize the voice. It's Chuck's voice…but how can that be. He's right…Chuck, where are you?"

"Sarah, please be alright." I hear Chuck say in a panicked tone.

I open my eyes to see him bending over me. He's in a tuxedo but it's not the tux from our wedding. It's a waiter's tuxedo.

"Chuck?"

"Oh, thank God, Sarah. I thought you were dead."

"Dead? Where are the wedding guests?" I ask.

He looks with more concern than before, if that is possible.

"Sarah, you've been hurt. Lie still."

As his statement makes sense to me, I try to see where I am. I don't recognize my surroundings.

"Where am I?" I ask.

"You're at Von Hayes' party, remember. We're here to steal the microchip back."

I look at my left hand. My ring finger is as barren as my heart is of hope as I remember where I am and what had just happened, and what my relationship is with Chuck.

When Bryce ran up to me and asked in a worried tone how I was, I nodded that I was OK. Although, I was far from OK.

When the ambulance came, Bryce moved in front of Chuck to ride with me to the hospital.

"Bryce, I would like Chuck to ride with me if you don't mind." I think that's when Bryce knew for sure where my heart rested.

The time I spent with Bryce was fun, but the three months I had with Chuck were unforgettable. I had begun to realize that they weren't real. I guess it was a hallucination brought on by the bomb blast. But it seemed so real. Chuck and I were so close that I swear I could hear his eyes open every morning when we woke up together.

And then I thought of my mother and sister. I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my cheek as I realized it was all a cruel joke that my mind played on me while I was unconscious.

The ambulance sped me to the hospital silently as Chuck held my inconsolable hand. When we arrived, the hospital crew ushered Chuck away as I went into the emergency room for evaluation.

X=X

Chuck came into my hospital room carrying gardenias. They're my favorites and I told him so. He sees the wall of flowers Bryce had delivered and says dejectedly. "I guess I'll always come in second to Bryce in everything," he said.

"Not everything," I respond trying to cheer him up and to tell him the truth. My heart sinks when I think of what we had and how much he had grown while I was unconscious. It sinks even further when I think of my mother and sister. It all seemed so real. I can even remember my mother's telephone number…My mother phone number!

"Chuck, do you have your phone on you?"

"Yeah," he said hesitantly.

"Call directory assistance for Edinburgh, Indiana."

He looked at me questioningly.

"Just do it," I said my voice near hysterical. "Ask for the listing for Ellen Sharp."

He complied and after a pause, began to write something down on a piece of paper.

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Don't say it. Is it 812-374 3152? I asked.

"How did you know?"

I began to smile. If Ellen Sharp is real…then maybe the rest of it might be real. Or will be. It was confusing but I needed something, anything to hold on to.

I'm not sure what happened to me in that bomb blast but something inexplicable. I've never been one to believe in destiny but as I look at Chuck, I can't help but hope I'm looking at mine.

I feel a little better for the first time since I came to. "Chuck can I tell you something?"

"Sure, anything," he said.

"There's no way for me to know everything we're going to face in the future. You know the next year or two. We might have so many obstacles we have to face. But one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that we will make it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I think so. No wait. Maybe not." He looked confused.

I smile at him. How could he? "Well, whether you know or not…it doesn't matter because I know this." I hesitate realizing that I need to be careful. This is not the Chuck I knew from Belgium. If I tell him that I love him he's liable to freak out. But I have to say something now. "What I know is that I can count on you through whatever they throw at us. I don't ever want to lose that. It's the most important thing in my life." That was as close as I could come without saying what I truly wanted to say to him. I see that he's touched by it as his eyes seem more misty than usual.

"Sarah, I might not be able to promise many things to you but one thing I can promise without hesitation is that you never have to worry about losing me. It won't happen." He looked into my eyes deeply. I wanted to keep looking but something didn't feel right about this. We needed to back off. I don't know how I know but I do.

I look once again at my left hand. It seems naked to me. I miss the beautiful ring that he gave me. Then an odd thought occurs to me. It was always a mystery to me how he knew the exact ring to get me. I mean it was literally the ring of my dreams. Was that just luck or did someone tell him.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to doodle. I drew a perfect replica of the ring and laid it on my table and waited for Chuck's natural curiosity to kick in. It didn't take long.

"Sarah, I didn't know you could draw that well. What is that?" he asked me.

"Oh this, it's just a ring, I really like it," I said trying to sound completely natural. I was really very embarrassed but he didn't seem to notice.

"Really," he said sounding more interested. "That's an unusual cut for the diamond."

"It's a Princess Cut."

"You want it back?" he asked.

"No, throw it away if you like." I looked up at the TV. When I looked back there was no trace of my drawing. I looked into the waist can and didn't see anything there as well. It wasn't until I noticed a small piece of paper sticking above Chuck's shirt pocket that I began to smile. _Sarah, you are one devious girl._ I was pleased with myself. Now, I know how Chuck found out about the ring. This really was complicated. No one would ever believe me.

An uncomfortable silence took over the room.

"Well, I'll bet you're tired. I let you get some rest," Chuck said turning to leave.

"Chuck, would you stay for just a little while longer. Please, sit down here." I patted the side of my bed.

He complied but hesitantly. This was getting a bit personal for him.

"Chuck, I'm going to wax poetic here for a second. You're probably going to think it's the effects of the blast but it isn't.

"OK," he said timidly.

"You know that saying about setting a bird free and if it returns it's yours. And if it doesn't it never was?"

"Yeah."

I see from his expression that he's perplexed by me. "That's what I'm going to do. I'm letting go…with the hopes that everything I want will return some day."

"Sarah, your not making any sense."

"Yeah I am, but that's a matter of perspective. Chuck, this is what I want to say to you. No matter what we have to go through to get to that place I've recently seen…I'm up for it. And I'm ready to go through the unknown to get to that place.

"Look, Sarah, I want you to get some sleep," he said concern leaking from every word.

"I will but first I want you to know how I feel."

"How you feel…about what?"

I knew that I couldn't tell him, the time wasn't right. So I improvised. "What I want from life."

"OK, I'll bite. What do you want from life?" he asked.

"Everything Chuck. I want it all," I said grinning broadly. "Until I met you, I never thought it was even possible for someone like me, but now…I want it all." I repeated. It's not what I wanted to say but once I see his expression, I'm glad I didn't say what I wanted. I'm afraid he would have run from my room so fast…and I'm in no shape to catch him.

He still looked like he could bolt.

"There's something else I want you to know. If I ever do anything to hurt you…I want you to know that I did it because I thought it was in your best interest. I can guarantee you that I will never intentionally do anything to cause you harm." I wanted him to believe that more than I've wanted anything.

He smiled at me and then stood. He reached down and kissed me on the forehead. "You get some rest, OK?"

"OK," I say and watch him leave. I'm not sure how long I'll have to wait until I can see the confident Agent Carmichael but I know one thing…I'm willing to wait.

I sit in my bed long after he's gone. I think about what I know. I have a mother and sister living in Indiana. My job is to protect a nerdy government asset that I'm so deeply in love with that it causes an ache in my chest knowing I won't be sleeping with him tonight. I won't be holding his hand while we sleep. I know this same asset will one day become a level 6 CIA agent. And, just like before, I will stand on that beach and I will say 'I do'.

I consider all of this and know that it's true, because I've learned one important thing from all of this.

I can have it all.

X=X

**Two years later.**

It was an azure sky at early evening. The sun began to consider its farewell. A small crowd of family and friends gathered at a familiar beach. Chuck and I spent our first night on this beach. I remember our first wedding here as well.

Good luck Chuck and Sarah.

LeeCan


End file.
